Sunday April 27, 2025

By John Kass

Illinois politics has a strange way of ruining your appetite, especially if you’re a taxpayer with an already sour stomach.

Even if you’re an Illinois resident living part time in Naples, Fla., Park City, UT., or Positano on the Amalfi Coast, and if you still have family in Illinois then no amount of Tums or Pepto Bismol will soothe your tummy.

Henry VIII King of England had a bulging appetite too, as does Illinois Gov. Fat Boi himself,  J.B. Pritzker. They had full appetites. They ate everything.

Henry, the Tudor King got massively fat by stuffing himself with piles of roast meats of all kinds, savory pies chock-full of four and twenty blackbirds, larks and eels, and mounds of candied jellies.

But Henry at least tried to work off the stress. He played tennis and he jousted some and he kept finding new wives to kill.

What of the Gov. of Illinois, J.B. Pritzker, who wants to become president?

He’s much too fat to climb up on a horse. He eats so much and has gained so much weight so that he broke his own leg just by standing on it. True story.

But his magic talent is that he’s run Illinois—the worst governed state in American history—deeply into the ground.

And still he wants more. He’s a glutton, stuffing himself, seeking power and more power.

This frenzied, desperate appetite has not only stunned Illinois taxpayers, but Illinois Democrats pols have already lost their minds, joining an orgy of self-destruction. One of the crazies is U.S. Rep. Delia Ramirez  who wants her allies to harass opponents even in church. She said so. Ramirez was endorsed by the Chicago Tribune to the newspaper’s shame.

She’s part of the neo-Jacobin spasm tearing up the country. These Jacobin gangsters were protected and promoted by corrupt legacy media, like the Trib.

And in this climate of cray-cray, Illinois Sen. Dick “Bullhead” Durbin steps down from his lofty perch. He’s 80 and doesn’t want to be shuffling around like Joe Biden. Years ago he thought of retiring, but he agreed to stay on to help decrepit old Biden. The Democrats were in the Senate majority and Durbin had perks. Now there are no perks. Now the Democrats have lost the majority and other Democrat Senators are leaving the business.

“If you’re honest about yourself and your reputation, you want to leave when you can still walk out the front door and not be carried out the back door,” said Durbin, the No. 2 Democrat in the Senate, on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” Dick was not being honest.

But I agree with Dick that he wants to walk out on his own power. He talks of honesty. So I’ve linked to the Durbin archives from The Federalist. So, let’s be honest. Really, Dick:

You’ve established your oily legacy. You speak like an unctuous eunuch, speaking in a reasonable voice while saying the most unreasonable things.  Most Americans remember your sniveling fake non-apology after you falsely compared the U.S. Army to Nazis and Pol Pot’s murderers in war-time. Many also remember how you applied a religious test to Americans seeking appointment to the highest court: “Do you consider yourself an orthodox Catholic?”

He has shamed himself repeatedly with that oily voice. Happily, the Federalist has compiled a series of Bullhead Durbin’s greatest hits. So I’ve linked to it twice.

And what of Illinois?

Under Pritzker the state squandered $54 billion in federal COVID relief. Illinois raised taxes, while all  the neighboring states lowered theirs. Wirepoints.org has reported that Illinois has the largest state/local government debt in the nation, averaging $110,000 per household.  Illinois exceeds the combine debt of every neighboring state. Residents continue to flee. Public schools don’t work. Kids do not read or write or do math at grade level. And not only older retirees flee, but younger residents–particularly the high earners that the state can’t afford to lose–are gone.

Chicago continues to lead the nation in murder.

But Pritzker and Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson have the answer: Rhetoric, race baiting and screaming. They scream at President Donald Trump and they allege our fundamental rights are under assault. It’s all political horse poop to distract from their failures as administrators.

“It’s obvious Pritzker and Johnson see Trump as a political bogeyman they can use to leverage their own political fortunes,” says Paul Vallas. “But their rhetoric is political fearmongering at its finest. Both the state and city are well equipped to protect people’s “fundamental rights” and have policies in place to protect against government overreach, real or imagined.”

There was a logical political move for Pritzker to make after Durbin decided to step down and live off his government retirement and the income generated by his lobbyist wife.

Pritzker should have bought that Senate seat for himself. He wanted it once, groveling to former Gov. Rod Blagojevich on federal tape, wrinkling his nose up at black Democrats who he didn’t think were qualified to become Senator. He should have begged harder. Durbin’s Senate seat would be perfect f0r Gov. Toilets, the billionaire heir of the Hyatt Hotel fortune.

“That makes sense,” said my friend, Thom Serafin, the Illinois political analyst. “It’s a great spot for him. The guy’s got billions now. How could you compete?”

Yes, Thom had a brilliant idea. Democrats will be in the minority in the Senate for years to come, after AOC presents the severed head of Sen. Charles Schumer to her bloodthirsty Jacobin mob. And from the Senate, Pritzker could do what he does best: Just sit there and not do much as other Democrats kiss his behind for money. There’s no heavy lifting.

Unfortunately Serafin’s idea was just too logical. Pritzker ruined it all by having his Lt. Gov. Juliana Stratton announce she wanted Durbin’s seat. Now Pritzker’s echo chamber has convinced him he can win the White House. He’ll run as the pro-transexual party candidate, demanding biological boys on every girl’s team.

Illinois Republicans see opportunity, but conservative morning radio host Dan Proft, of Chicago’s Morning Answer program warned that Republicans first must grow up.

There are good candidates, Proft said, but unless MAGA Illinois develops a realistic approach, there will be no joy.

“Jeannie Ives is a great candidate. Darren LaHood is a good candidate,” Proft said on his show last week. “There are other good candidates that could potentially run for Senate or governor. But in MAGA world if there is not a coming together where you start to seed the field now, making the arguments, taking the positions, building the infrastructure, doing all the things that haven’t been done in some time. If you don’t start doing it now with an eye towards next year’s primary and general election, then there is no path to victory.

“If you think you’re going to show up and try to compete with the money late and all of the inertia, despite Illinois being the worst governed state in the country, in the country’s history, and compete with the inertia that is still behind them, then you’re wrong.”

Who can argue with that?

Rahm Emanuel? Rahm is out there scheming with David Axelrod. And beware of the ambition of the Greeks, Illinois Secretary of State Alexi Giannoulias and Cook County Treasurer Maria Pappas. They’re already playing their Hellenic card, but I don’t remember them as out front and solidly behind Vallas in the last mayoral campaign. They were cautious, sly, and consumed with their own ambition. Is this a crime. No, it’s human nature. And now, I’m thinking Maria will go for mayor since the current mayor is such a dismal race hustling fraud.  And Alexi? I wouldn’t give a fig for Alexi.

And Pritzker could run for governor.

Who can keep track of so many chairs. The Chicago newspaper political writers are lazy and have proven they can’t keep track of them all. The threats of Rep. Delia Ramirez–who was endorsed by the Tribune–doesn’t inspire confidence. And those empty musical chairs belong to the gluttonous Illinois political class, not to the people.

For all his tough talk, Gov. Jelly Belly is a coward and doesn’t engage in real combat. But Henry VIII did, athletic, up on his war horse, holding his lance, thundering toward his opponent. What happened that one time? Was he distracted, thinking of four and twenty blackbirds baked into a pie that cost him concentration at that tournament of violence in 1536?

He was knocked unconscious for hours. A boxer knocked out for hours risks certain brain damage and death. King Henry VIII was once sporty and generous became paranoid and suspicious. The 44-year-old king was knocked from his horse in full heavy armor. The horse, also heavily armored, fell on top of him. He was unconscious for two hours. His girth ballooned. His legs became ulcerated. The cruelty began, and his wives kept losing their heads.

At least Henry had an excuse.

But what is Gov. Toilets excuse? He doesn’t have one.

He’s always had his cake and eaten it too. And if he seeks the presidency after destroying his state, the poor people of Illinois will be left with his crumbs.

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(Copyright 2025 John Kass)

 

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About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper. He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.

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