By John Kass

October 23, 2022

 As Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot promotes her ridiculous karaoke events, and supports Gov. J.B. Pritzker and her fellow Democrats in abolishing cash bail, there is something new:

This time it’s kidnapping. There was a fifth robbery kidnapping case on the North Side in just a few days, or was that the sixth?

“It’s traumatic to say the least,” Lakeview neighborhood Ald. Tom Tunney and possible mayoral candidate told ABC 7 Chicago news. “To date we have not seen any major injuries. People have been skirted around the neighborhood and dropped back in the neighborhood.”

Polite kidnappers then?

The aldermen want more police but Lightfoot and the left–including Boss Toni Preckwinkle and Lightfoot’s very own George Soros non-prosecutor Kim Foxx–have compelled police to resign in record numbers.

And now all it takes is one mistake, some stupid criminal kidnapper transfixed on a weird Lightfoot video, or say some victim panics and has a heart attack after being stuffed alive into the trunk of a carjacked car—and most likely that’ll be me—and Chicago may get a reputation as an “unsafe” city.

Chicago might be known known far and wide as a place where violent criminals prey on people for sport and have nothing to fear because they’re not prosecuted and judges are easy.

Actually, I must retract all of that.

 Chicago is already known far and wide as a place where violent criminals have no fear. They’re not afraid of the police. They’re certainly not afraid of Lightfoot. They’re certainly not afraid of Lightfoot’s endorsed choice for Cook County State’s Attorney, Kim Foxx. They’re not afraid of Chief Judge Tim Evans who should be voted out of office in November for making excuses for vicious thugs who kill innocent children like the 8-year-old girl Melissa Ortega.

Criminals of Illinois have nothing to worry about. The Democrats have taught them well. These aren’t our grandfather’s Democrats. These are the woke. And the criminals will hunt as long as they feel like hunting, courtesy of the Cook County Democrats. Oh, and if you or your wife or kids get in the way? Too bad.

At least five kidnappings? What the?

Naturally, being a prudent fellow, I checked around on the internet for kidnapping insurance, just in case I plan on driving downtown or visit Wrigley or stop by Tunney’s Ann Sather’s Restaurant for those world-famous cinnamon buns.

According to the KSA Insurance Agency website, kidnapping is becoming a thing. You know, a Chicago trend worse than idiots from elsewhere insisting Chicago “just loves” deep dish pizza. Chicago is a thin pizza town, cut in squares. And they don’t like being kidnapped in Lori Land.

“Criminals feel kidnapping is an easy way to get money quickly, and it does work at times. Being insured will assure you that a security team is available to help win your release.

“If you are planning to travel to a dangerous area, call our office to discuss the insurance options you have. KSA Insurance Agency professionals can guide you as you consider kidnapping insurance for yourself or a family member.”

Happily, I’ve escaped the oppressive crime and politics of Chicago. Now I live in a free country called America. But even so I have friends and family locked in Lori Land and Pritzkerville.

So, I called KSA Insurance to talk to agent Krit Anand, the helpful insurance man.

“I’ll send you a quote on kidnap insurance,” he said. “And I will be discreet. I won’t tell your wife.”

You what?

What does my wife have to do with it? Would Betty, the Lovely Sicilian and mother of our sons, have me kidnapped?

“Sir,” he said, “it is not my responsibility to tell your wife your business. I’m not involved. This is your business.”

Good, I said, because I’m not planning to kidnap myself. And my wife is not going to have me kidnapped. Life is not Netflix, Mr. Anand.

“Of course,” he said.

According to the insurance company website, kidnapping “rarely” happens in the United States, although “being kidnapped and held for ransom is a possibility…In addition to being a problem where terrorists operate, kidnapping also occurs in areas where law enforcement is unreliable.”

Unreliable law enforcement, like Chicago under Lori Lightfoot you mean.

“A New York Times story noted a 300 percent increase in kidnapping in Mexico in 2005 as well as large increases in kidnapping in Pakistan and Venezuela.”

But the North Side of Chicago—and I’m nowhere near there as I type—is not crime ridden Mexico, Pakistan or Venezuela. Or, is it?

“I’ll get you a quote,” said KSA Insurance’s Krit Anand, the helpful insurance man.

In our phone conversation I noticed he spoke perfect English albeit with a British flavour, so I asked: Where are you from?

“Punjab. India,” he said. “Maybe they don’t hold you for ransom there….”

Maybe they just stick you like a pig or goat and toss you out of the car into the dirt?
“Perhaps,” Krit Anand said. “It may have happened. Or it may not have happened.”

“Ouch,” I said.

Since he mentioned Northern India, I had to ask him of one of my most favorite restaurants in the world, Kama Bistro in LaGrange. Kama is the capitol of flavor. The owner/chef Vikram and his wife Agnes are great people.

“I was just there the other day with a party of 10,” he said.

Really? I was just there with my wife and my brother and his wife, I said. And we’ve been with Chicago Way cohost Jeff Carlin and his wife Christine and Wirepoints.org writer Matt Rosenberg and his wife.

It’s so very nice not being kidnapped.

We talked of curry, of prawns molly, of vindaloo and ghost pepper vindaloo. Of the 24-hour black lentils. Of garlic nan. Of the tandoori sea bass and chicken tikka. All the care that is taken, the amazing tastes, he fact there are hardly any cans in the kitchen. And so on.

Discussing the menu of Kama Bistro obviously made him hungry.

“I will send you a kidnapping insurance quote,” Krit Anand said. “We will send this out to companies that deal with ransom and kidnapping coverage. It all has to be sent to them.”

I told him that since crime still rises unchecked in Chicago—which is fast becoming a place for kidnapers–that the only fair and “equitable” thing for Mayor Lightfoot to do would be to pay for kidnapping coverage.

“As long as we get paid,” he said. “it really doesn’t matter. Just so we get paid.”

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(Copyright 2022 John Kass)