Terrors of the Michelle Obama (Presidential) Prophecy
By John Kass | January 26, 2024
The world is not just about snuggling with housebroken puppies and rainbows out your window and riding unicorns bareback. The real world can be terrifying. Just ask former First Lady Michelle Obama.
She’s trembling with terror like a princess in a fairy tale being chased by Baba Yaga. And this terror of hers has infected the American news media with even more terror. Which brings us to the Michelle Obama Prophecy.
First, please understand that Michelle is terribly afraid that former President Donald Trump will recapture the White House. Her husband’s “Big Guy,” also known as China Joe Biden is haplessly watching his job approval ratings plummet especially in the swing states that will take other Democrat politicians down with him.
So they’re afraid, the media is afraid, and Michelle is pushing the panic button.
“I am terrified about what could possibly happen,” Ms. Obama said of this year’s presidential election on a podcast. And China Joe’s failing popularity numbers on key policy issues from the wide-open border to inflation to street crime are causing Democrat politicians to fret and as their leftist corprate media mouthpieces soil themselves.
I’m worried too, and though I am definitely not a Democrat, I do worry, since the Obamas are world-class cynical phonies capable of anything. And now the JoBama administration is going on its third term, the panic at the potential loss of a fourth term may cause them to grab for five terms, completely trashing the Constitution.
But are the Democrats really terrified about trashing the Constitution in their never-ending power grab? No. Would Michelle opt to protect the Constitution and risk her own ambition? No.
“Because our leaders matter,” said the ‘terrified’ Michelle. “Who we select, who speaks for us, who holds that bully pulpit — it affects us in ways that sometimes I think people take for granted,” she said when asked to name some of her greatest fears.
Terrified, Michelle? I’m terrified that you are taking me for granted. You don’t speak for me, bless your heart.
The Obamas never say anything by accident. Words are their weapons. Joe Biden is sinking in the polls. And they have to do something, because China Joe is their meat puppet and they compelled him to accept Cackling Kamala as vice president.
Michelle understands raw clout as the daughter of a Chicago Democratic Machine precinct captain. But is she really terrified? Oh, please.
Don’t be such a chumbolone.
You’d think she’d be fearful of the Democrats losing the border to the control of the brutal Mexican drug cartels that smuggle in truckloads of fentanyl, the Chinese-made poison finished in Mexico that has killed 100,000 young Americans in the past year.
But she’s not. Biden and the Democrats lost the border to the cartels and the American people know it.
Or perhaps Michelle would be terrified that her crime-ridden hometown of Chicago overrun with illegal migrants—draining taxpayer resources for police, housing and schools for minority Chicago residents—prompting black Chicago voters to blame the one man completely responsible, Barack Obama’s ally and former Vice President Joe Biden. But the Obamas don’t have to worry about being crowded out by illegals. They live in Martha’s Vineyard, where illegal migrants were booted out.
You think Michelle would be terrified that Hillary Clinton is now linking herself to Barbie, which is enough to make Bill—and me and every other American male–stab his eyes out with a spork. Clinton’s latest hashtag, #HillaryBarbie, is revolting. Hillary you lost 2016 when you called half the country “deplorables.” It wasn’t the Russians that cost you, sweetie. It was you.
And you might think she’d be worried about power corrupting people, the way she herself was corrupted, torturing a ravenously hungry Oprah with hints of delicious White House pie, without offering Oprah any. How cruel. Even Gayle noticed.
“And oddly enough, Michelle mentioned that the White House cooks made the best pie in the world. But she didn’t offer Oprah or Gayle any…It made both Oprah and Gayle very uncomfortable, which may have been the idea. Oprah struck back by asking Michelle whether she and the president were still fighting a lot. Taken aback by such a personal question, Michelle stumbled, then finally managed to say that the marital arguing had been a ‘growth point’ in their relationship.”
But when it came to the Obamas, the media was not critical in the least. There is nothing so malleable as white liberal elitist journalists afraid of being called racists. So they sucked up and liked it. It was as if they were addicted to smoking Hopium, and I said so repeatedly, the Jacobin frenzy turned to hatred. But I get it. Hopium smokers just hate it when you mention that they’re addicted.
“A New Vice: Opium Dens in France”, an illustration from Le Petit Journal, 5 July 1903.
You know what should be terrifying Michelle Obama? That the Obama legacy is a dumpster fire.
I don’t put too much stock in polls or Michelle Obama fairy tales written by fawning Hopium-smoking and corrupt corporate media that treated Barack Obama as a gentle forest creature from the Narnia stories.
I remember the Obamas as silky phonies who rode corruption (and Tony Rezko) and they rode Oprah and the rest of the media up the ladder and ignored the city that needed them.
And I remember that last November in the mid-term elections, and that promise of a big red Republican wave that didn’t happen. The big red wave broke on abortion and disappeared. But that’s politics.
Black Democrats in particular feel betrayed and as their children are evicted from schools and parks they make angry noises about bolting from the Democrat Party which will only get worse once cities like Chicago build tent cities to house the illegals and cut deeply into social service budgets to appease them.
Millions of illegal immigrants have flooded across Biden’s non-existent border—10,000 a day—overwhelming the cities with demands for housing and services and bringing a torrent of narcotics.
All this has given new life to the Michelle Obama prophecy.
My friend Tom Bevan–co-founder and president of Real Clear Politics–first uttered the Michelle prophecy years ago, about the time I was mocking myself with the notion I should run for mayor of Chicago as a portly Greek Spartacus. I bet Bevan a steak dinner. We talked about his prophecy this week when he was a guest on the Chicago Way podcast with Jeff Carlin and me. I hope you click on the link here and listen.
He thinks if she seeks the Democratic nomination, and Barack gives her the green light, no Democrat can stop her. You couldn’t stop a Gorgon with a little hand mirror either. A Michelle candidacy would unleash the flesh eating harpies, also known as the AWFULs (Angry White Female Leftist Suburbanites) and no amount of Holy Water could protect us.
I think that if Michelle secures the nomination, she should select former Harvard president Claudine “The Plagiarist” Gay as the White House press secretary.
I think I just might have to make a reservation at a superb Chicago steakhouse.
Biden is failing, especially in the key swing states.
“We had a poll come out in Michigan the other day and he’s down like eight points,” said Bevan. “And these are scary, scary numbers for Democrats, and the longer they continue the more I think you will hear about Michelle Obama. And the reason you’ll continue to hear about her because she’s the only answer to the question of ‘Who else?'”
Biden can drool all over his ties and look vaguely into space but they couldn’t dare replace him because that would mean the ascension of Kamala Harris to the presidency, and that would mean the end of the world. But a Michelle Obama could obliterate Kamala’s idiotic ambition as an identity politics totem, because Michelle could take her off the board and the Democrat political logic still holds.
Michelle’s Black Queen takes Kamala’s Black Queen of All Word Salads.
“Because, you know, Gavin Newsom doesn’t do it, JB Pritzker doesn’t do it,” Bevan said. “There’s nobody else, and it’s certainly not Kamala Harris. And that’s the problem. Michelle Obama is the only one who could come in and be coronated in Chicago in July or whatever the convention’s gonna be. And every Democrat around the country would be like, Yep, I get it. I’m on board’. There would be no, you know, even Kamala’s folks would have to be like, yeah, you know, ‘OK, fine.’ Because any other answer gonna have hurt feelings and you’re going to have a tear in the Democrat coalition just weeks before the presidential election. That is gonna be a real problem for for Democrats getting out their voters and so she’s the answer guys.”
And no one could stop her with the broken corporate media so besotted and in love with the Obamas.
To keep my sanity I think I’ll find a Hopium pipe and fill a bowl, curl up and hope China Joe hangs on until November.
-3o-
Comments 50
Great rumination on terror and addiction, the Obamas and Oprah, but I’m glad you didn’t also bring up the White Sox, JK. There’s a limit to the calamity we can face in a single column.
Michelle is the answer to a question growled in hell: In succeeding President Magoo, can the Democrats somehow flock to a candidate even more unqualified, more posturing and empty, more substanceless and phony, more in need of strict handling and easy-to-read teleprompters, with more unearned wealth and undeserved admiration?
Yes they can.
Abandon hope, all ye who enter the next election, and accept Michelle. One more massive temple is what Chicago needs.
Exactly! Although, to me that overly pretentious “temple” looks more like a tomb, or even one of those Mayan temples where they cut the hearts out of the sacrificial captives. That’s probably a better description. And perhaps the latest in the line of idiot Chicago mayors will give the leper king Obama a two-for-one special on the park land?
Michelle is a fraud. She’d be nothing more than another clueless grifter in the White House. Unlike Joe, who pretends to be a man of the People, Michelle would be Queen, looking down on the dirty proles while she eats her White House pies.
To me that “temple” looks like an intake center at an Illinois Department of Corrections facility like Stateville!
“President Magoo” !
1st time i’ve heard it and it’s perfecto garcia!!!
Kass, you bring the very best strung words (as opposed to “salads”) and Bittinger, I’m stealing your pair! (Kevin Matthews reference; “Is it wrong?”)
Tanks, da boat ah youse!
hansen
Michelle will not run for president. It’s too much work. In all her adult life did she ever hold a real job? And I don’t mean being appointed to a board of some kind for $600,000 . She is from the Affirmative Action generation. She has done well. She is mistress of her domains on Martha’s Vineyard and Hawaii. The grand dame. She’s not going to give that up. The only things that could motivate her are her racism and hatred for this country.
Yup
Oh yes, finally a true voice. I have been telling you all that she will be running for President for over a year now. She hates America for what she feels it was a Slave Country, not true. The Irish were the first slaves. She made millions and lives with the White people with money she did not work for. They have brainwashed the young women, Oprah did a great job doing that, and now they want a Black America. What happened to Education and the young learning the History of this great Country. They hate Lincoln that freed the Slaves over 2 Centuries, ago but the Black Race chose to play the victim while Immigrants came to America and suffered worse like the Irish and the Chinese (they built the railroads)
and the Immigrants work 24/7 to built this great Country. The Statue of Liberty stood for work hard and you no matter who you are have the American Dream. Now they want to destroy that too. If Michelle runs and the women of America Vote for her they will become her slaves, and they do not even know it. Complacency is dangerous. Michelle wants a Black America, while Obama wants a Muslim America. Remember what he said? Americans cling to their guns, and Religion? Wake up America. Trust the Lord and not the Politicians that are all dishonest and want millions for themselves and they feel safe is the Democrats Win again? You believe that and I have a bridge to sell you. The Obamas chose the Black Judges, and the University Presidents like Gay. Boeing has hired people like the Government that have no skills, but they are Minorities so it is okay? They are not Educated, the threw Education out the window. Tell the truth and it will set you free.
BELIEVE IN GOD AND DO NOT WORRY HE WILL TAKE CARE OF US. GOD IS IN CHARGE NOT OBAMA OR MICHELLE. We went to schools with all Colors of kids and we had no problems among ourselves. We have Black friends, Jewish friends and first of all we are Friends of America we help built it. A Hospital in Denver has to close because they ran out money over 900 Million to be accept because the Illegals came they were treated for free so now the hard working Americans that pay Taxes and Health Care are not qualified for any perks, just the Illegals that will Vote for Democrats so they can FURTHER DESTROY THIS COUNTRY AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE OF ALL COLORS THAT WERE BORN HERE AND PAY TAXES SIT BACK WORRY, BUT NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO STOP THEM. WELL FOLKS, GOD WILL HAVE THE LAST WORD.
Praise Da Lawd, and pass the the ammunition, Helen. There’s a Commie under every bed in the USA!
Helen is spot on! Will the America we grew up in be around in 10-20 years? I’m not sure. Just maybe all media should start showing some classic programs starting with The Dick Van Dyke and The Andy Griffith shows. Just maybe people especially the youth can see how being loving, simple and nice can influence people!
Pure Kaso Gold!!!!
I wasn’t able to read the last half of this column. I instinctively stabbed my eyes out with a spork
I’m with you, Mr Banakis.
Sometimes, the horror is too real.
Elections have consequences. Voting has consequences. The people of Chicago and Cook County are a perfect example of this. I was just having this conversation with some family members about this last Saturday night. They have to keep the big guy going until November, unless they already have the plan of invoking the 25th amendment in order to give Harris a test drive, hoping she doesn’t take out every cone and barrier on her 1st attempt at pulling out of the parking lot. The downside of the coming election is that Trump faces the tough task of trying to persuade the “ never Trumpers” to cast a vote for him even if it means doing so while holding their noses. I always know how bad things are going when the more liberal friends and family of mine aren’t talking. Their silence on this current administration speaks volumes.
Have a great weekend all. Keep the sunny side up.
Ain’t that the truth…crickets. Then there are the libs who claim not to know anything might be off. They just deny anything is wrong. I’d like to know what Obama actually did for his people when he was in office for 8 years. Can anyone produce a list?
Spork!
Γιάννη,
MO did such a stellar job at the UofC hospitals turning away those unfortunates without insurance, the hospital prospered as did Michelle! Just what we need, another empty suit preaching to us about how terrible America is, and how we must embrace the leftist DEI and woke culture – which has churned out kids that can’t read or think, only learning to play the victims at every turn. A Mobama presidency will definitely destroy what little remains of America, all the while blaming Trump, not Joe, for its demise!! As we say in Greek, Θεός φυλαξη!! God help us!
Keep Hopium Alive!!!!!!!!!!! Get The Rainbow Cone Coalition a Marching!
We forget Obama was dead broke in the year 2000. A hapless community organizer and part time assoc. law professor.
Now the big homes in Chicago and Washington and the mansions on the waterfront in the Hamptons and the Isle of Kaui. ( no real belief in rising tide of “ climate change”).
He has built a break from in Hawaii to protect his property from water and winds to the chagrin of his neighbors.
How rich are they, not sure.
Just produced apocalyptic movie for Netflix payday with snide insults of white people to continue the race hustle that has divided this country and led to the un prosecuted Antifa and BKM mobs of billions of destruction, death and the destruction of poor communities.
He rode the race card horse into every Trayvon ( he looks like my son would) situation, to the cop stopping a man in NY who would not provide ids to the policeman whose life was destroyed, in Ferguson and was exonerated, even by his horrible AG in a 40 page summary of multiple investigations.
The learned how to get rich from the Clinton’s.
And avoid any media criticism.
They are the pinnacle of Davis hypocrisy.
Do what we want, while we do as we please.
It’s the American Dream, my friend. Start wit nuttin and and be living large.
Ain’t America great?
John
As always your column makes my day but today is an absolute grand slam!
Especially the comments from your wonderful readers. It really Mae’s you feel “not so alone”
Thanks to you all
John, I recommend you broaden you definition of AFWuLS to Angry Female White Leftist Supremacists; they live in college towns and urban neighbor hoods too.
And add “unhinged” or “unstable” for the u.
The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. With Trump as the candidate, the Dems won’t need Michelle. We’ll be stuck with Senile Joe again.
That is our greatest fear – Trumps mouth and antics have made him is own worst enemy, sadly.
Will she have the same cachet as the Golden One (her husband)? Michelle is angrier than Barack. He was a happy communist. She isn’t. A fawning press will protect her–look at those arms! But, we have a free speech Twitter now where things can get exposed.
Will the estimated 20% of Blacks and Latinos voting for Trump believe her tall tales and not vote for Orange Man Bad?
“Awfuls”.. ya gotta love it! Twenty years ago this whole column would have been called far fetched. At this time in history nothing is far fetched. Here’s another not so far fetched theory: Nikki Haley is still being still being sold by Mediacons as a viable alternative to Trump. She soon declares herself to be a “conservative independent “. When Joe is carted off to his Marthas Vinyard estate and before the election, Kamala adopts Nikki as a running mate in order to siphon enough Republican “Never Trumper” votes to creep into the White House. Another first for the country…a “Bi-Partisan Presidency “! Everyone’s happy, the worst of both worlds assured. And what if Trump wins? He’ll never be allowed to retake the presidency. I’m sure theres taped audio of him on the phone with Putin offering the Russians Ohio and Wyoming as payment for opening a Trump hotel in Moscow. Or Trump offering Mexican cartels billions for a cut of their fentanyl import business. I bet he even hates Barbie AND Taylor Swift! This should really show Americans what he’s all about. He’ll never get close to the White House again. Any mass protests would result in ” January 6″ prosecutions for all involved. Its been done once, it can be done again you deplorables! I know it seems far fetched but….
1. Great column!
2. No way does Michelle get the nomination. John u b on da Hopium!
3. The sleeper candidate is our own JUMBO BOY PRICKSTER. He got da big bucks as well as big gut. He looks likes an old pol. Dont count out Hiliary or Newsom either! But Michele, puleeeze, no way.
4. I say the following as one who will NOT vote for either party: like the big RED WAVE of 2 years ago, ABORTION AND GUN RIGHTS WILL KEEP THE DEMS IN. THE ABORTION ISSUE ALWAYS TAKES A GOP CANDIDATE DOWN IN NATIONAL ELECTIONS. SO DOES BANNING GUNS. I GOT 10K THAT SEEZ I’M RIGHT. ANY ONE WANT TO MATCH THAT BET.?
5. Love the AWFUL term. Better than my WWWWW: WEIGHTY, WEALTHY, WHITE, WOKE, WOMEN.
If you think joining the baby-killer-gun-grabber commie-rats is the answer, you must be smoking something a lot stronger than hopium.
I and millions of veterans swore a solemn oath to “…support the Constitution against all enemies, foreign AND domestic.” We will defend our God-given Rights and the Constitution (as amended) that protects them.
I just about choked on my coffee this morning, reading your column and your reference to #Hillary Barbie. Hysterical! Anyway, Big Mike is not half as terrified about 2024 as we are. The prospect of a 4th term of Obama is truly frightening 🫣.
Couldn’t agree more!
VERY well said John. Trump has been his own worst enemy. His behavioral issues and antics might very well put the leftist lunatics in charge again. The Obamas hate America, and are the ultimate form of liars and deception. Michelle is an arrogant nauseating female – a shame to our gender.
R U a biologist?
LOL!!!
Trump got 75 million votes 3 1/2 years ago. Set a record. He will get even more this time around
Being a Kass reader for an awfully long time and regretting never meeting you at one of your Chicken Grills, I can say that any one of your ardent readers made the Michelle Prophesy at least a year ago and for the same reasons. Your readers are in tune with the pulse of local politics. She definitely is the only one. Biden won’t relinquish the throne because no sane person on either side could stomach a Kackling Kamala presidency. But they can’t dis Kamala so Michele will swoop down in Chicago for her nomination (how fitting) in “an Oprah-style moment”tin August and shortly before that Biden will announce that he will not be pursuing a second term for personal reasons. In my opinion, the Republicans see this looming as well so the question of VP pick has to be considered as a possible offset. Tim Scott or Kristi Noem? Which demographic is most important. Either way I know that the conservative are experiencing far more terror in 2024.
Yes Raymond, you are correct!
Am I the only one who feels the political environment has deteriorated so significantly for the Bolsheviks that no matter who replaces the dimwit in diapers it will be a competitive race down to the wire?
Maybe we are just too used to losing. America is in a sad state of affairs with abortion being the one thing that brings voters out. You are paying out the nose for your groceries, millions of unknown illegal immigrants are crossing our borders, and people want to be sure they keep the right to kill their own baby? Our world is upside down, brothers and sisters!
I, too, have been telling friends, family, and readers that Michelle will run for quite some time now. But only you, John, can write, “You think Michelle would be terrified that Hillary Clinton is now linking herself to Barbie, which is enough to make Bill—and me and every other American male–stab his eyes out with a spork.” I almost choked on my Coke in hysterics.
Love the hat, by the way!!
Gene and Georgetti’s, at the Bar!
I find it hard to believe thew Democraps would be dumb enough to choose Michelle as their candidate however nothing surprises me these days. This will be the nastiest election ever whether she is the nominee or not. They have NOTHING to run on other that abortion and “orange man bad”. The mud that will slung with be incredible and epic!
Her terror at the thought of another Trump presidency has nothing to do with him trampling on the Constitutional rights of ordinary citizens and everything to do with the prosecutions she, her “husband,” the Xiden crime family and Killery will be facing now that Xiden has shown how to weaponize the Justice Department.
As a side note, I’ve noticed the left-wing propaganda machine mentioning RFK Jr. quite a lot in the past week or so. Do you think…?
This is truly a terrifying thought!!!!!
When did we start voting for a “Bully Pulpit” anyway. How did that happen, when. Maybe when the Dutch Coastal Theo. Roosevelt coined the phrase while stripping the penny of the American Indian head and replacing it with the profile of the Meritocratic Master mind. And with Michelle appearing to be the consummate oreo, where are her African ancestors who governed by consent and with consenus. How does this happen, ugh
Would be interesting to hear the comments of this erudite group of Kassovians mull over a column put together by the Himself as he ponders the phenomenon of the LOCATION of the Dem. Convention and the role Governor Big Pants will play (is already playing, friends!). We will enjoy parsing through the near-term and long-term ramificaitons of those zillions of dollars GBP is investing in this process. He ain’t doin’ nuttin’ fer nuttin’, dearies.
He’s had a bit of a twist that he doesn’t appear to have contemplated: His CM (that stands for Chosen Mayor) isn’t what he and his ‘helpers’ planned for. GBP knew that the lack of experience in the many realms of municipal management were a given….he just didn’t realize how “given”! He thought he put a good wing-man in place – – – someone to do his bidding as Convention time approaches. So, what’s he got? Literally? He’s stuck between a ‘fellow governor’ in a wheel chair and a ‘mayor puppet’ who keeps checking into the hospital! Who wrote THAT playbook!!!! BigPants is scrambling to re-write at least the opening lines of the Convention Play. He’s got to find an ally who knows how to ‘write’ (that’s what we’re calling it these days!)
I have a suggestion! GBP has a possible ally if he plays his cash (oops….cards) right. That local ‘powerhouse’ that is one of Kasso’s favorites – quoting from his column from just eleven months ago (2/28/23): “Preckwinkle is a cautious professional politician who’s been pulling the strings, trying to destroy Lightfoot, her old rival. She’s done a great job on the mayor, what with the Tribune endorsing Boss Toni and with WBEZ-Sun Times protects her left flank. As long as she stays Boss of Cook County and the Boss of the criminal justice system, the situation will not improve.”
Fellow Kassovians – we ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Stay tuned in, stay aware, support our esteemed ‘leader’ and realize he’s really got the best interest of our beloved country in his blessedly repaired big ole Greek heart!
Only one problem. Michelle Obama is incredibly lazy. She loves the trappings of the presidency and being treated like a queen. But she isn’t interested in the work or the politics. She would rather hang out in one of her three mansions and sip champagne with Branson on one of his yachts.
Prepare yourself for a free steak dinner!
Great column John.
I think you and your readers should check out how the Obamas continu to play the Chicago Way in Hawaii.
They secured exemptions in erecting a monstrous sea wall to protect their property which would be going into the ocean like many others. He learned so much while in Chicago as an”community Organizer”
Other Owners are getting fined and being forced to tear down these barriers.
https://www.propublica.org/article/oceanfront-property-tied-to-obama-granted-exemption-from-hawaiis-environmental-laws
Welcome back sir!!! Wit, wisdom and satire on fire!!! Such a joy to read and appreciate why I am an avid reader.
👍🤣. Keep the great articles coming! Great writing from you and all of the others!!!
Watching the country deteriorate is like watching an alcoholic. You think they have finally hit bottom. But you are wrong. More pain is in front of us I am sorry to say
They will offer Kamala the Ambassador position in the country of her choosing. Do you think she would choose one of the countries of her origin🤪🤪(India or a country in Africa)???
Ambassador is the perfect job for a know nothing that loves the trappings of power.
Our only hope is that she has become so enamored with running with the elite movers and shakers that she will balk at returning to cold, chaotic life in Washington