By John Kass
Yes, I know, I know. The Golden Moutza of August award is a few days late. Why? News got in the way.
The Biden White House sent Vice President Kamala Harris to Vietnam and left Americans behind in Afghanistan. And Mayor Lightfoot—having already demonized her police department–has no clue about dealing with Chicago’s violent crime, in the Loop, and in the neighborhoods where babies are gunned down in the gang wars. And the politicians aren’t held to account.
Chicago violence is so bad now that Jim’s Original had to stop serving polish sausage and pork chops sandwiches in late and early morning hours between 1-6 a.m.
It was always an oasis of civility. Years ago, we’d pull up at the original Jim’s Original after the bars closed. Every group and Chicago archetype could be found there under the arc light after midnight, with the smell of onions in the air. Now, that tradition is gone too.
So, yeah. It’s late. I know. But the Moutza is golden. And the Golden Moutza of August is at hand. It’s here. Now.
“I just woke up!” said Jean Griffard. “Let me think…”
Too late Jean. Have a strong cup of coffee.
“Chicago Police First Deputy Eric Carter for trying to run the procession for [slain] Officer Ella French at the Office of the Medical Examiner, [saying] ‘We don’t have time for this shit’” wrote Peter V. Bella, a retired Chicago Police officer and writer.
I heard Carter’s voice on video in news reports. It was sickening. I can’t believe Lightfoot hasn’t suspended or fired him. Lightfoot was livid when a few exhausted officers, guarding U.S. Rep Bobby Rush’s office during the riots ate Bobby’s office popcorn. But she defends Carter?
You know how this works. Readers find me on social media and nominate worthy candidates. They thrust their open palms at the idiots and say NAH! PARTA! (Here, take them) or FEESAH ETHO (Blow right here) in the manner of my Hellenic ancestors.
In August, the morons outnumbered the stars in the sky.
But the Moutza rules set down in the sacred Moutzatution exempt all presidents. Obama and Trump were exempt. Joe Biden is exempt. Readers know this. And yet there are still “insurrectionists” out there who persist on fomenting a “domestic threat” to Moutza protocol.
Brian Billingsley says: “John Kass. I am fully aware of your ‘no presidents” rule, but I believe I have found a loophole! See, President Biden is nothing more than a hand puppet right now, so my nomination goes to the hand or hands that operate the Presidential hand puppet. NAH, FEESAH to his hand puppeteers!!”
Hence, President Meat Puppet?
As an American you’re free to give the Moutza to anyone, me, your brother-in-law for forgetting to transfer his Chicago Fire F.C. tickets to you after you parked at Soldier Field, or for not giving you any of his home-grown tomatoes, or to any politician, even the president. But the Moutzatution is clear. And I am all about original Moutza intent.
Angela Petropoulos Pappanastos says, “Whoever wrote on Biden’s cheat sheet (at a news conference) ‘Ladies and gentlemen, they gave me a list here, the first person I was instructed to call on was Kelly O’Donnell of NBC.’ That person should be fired. Made the President look like a puppet. NAH! FEESAH, Buffo! (idiot).”
Good one. Those buffo coms aides! What were they thinking! They make him look as weak as a lamb. And Communist China is oh, so ravenously hungry.
Writer Dennis Byrne says: “I nominate the isolationists who ultimately won in Afghanistan, persuading Americans that having ANY outposts in our national interest is a rotten idea. NAH! Feeso!!”
We should have been out of Afghanistan 10 years ago, after Sept. 11 terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden was killed. But Dennis, allowing this Moutza would mean I’d Moutza myself. I prefer the term “non-interventionist,” because unlike Sen. Lindsey Graham, R, S.C., I don’t like pointlessly intervening with the lives of other Americans’ sons and daughters.
Dennis, respectfully, your Moutza is denied. My name ain’t Chaney. But keep trying.
Adam Ingles nominates ESPN for broadcasting a dangerous high school football game between a legitimate team and an apparently fake team:
“How about ESPN for broadcasting a high school football game where one school appears to not exist legitimately. The school played on both Friday and Sunday last weekend and lost by combined scores of 114-6. As if playing two football games in three days isn’t unsafe enough, even the announcers called out the risk to the players based on an apparent lack of skill/size and depth. First Fake News and now Fake Sports? I can’t articulate the connection, but I blame the Kardashians. So, to you ESPN and your partners I raise my hand and say “Feesah etho!” for letting ratings trump high school kids’ health and safety!”
Blow on it ESPN. Blow on it. Stick to woke politics and leave the sports to experts.
Ann MacIntosh Baker nominates Oak Lawn resident Chloe Mrozak, who was charged in Hawaii of using a falsified vaccination card, which misspelled the name of the vaccine as “Maderma.” Wrong, buffo. It’s Moderna.
“Oh, please tell me you haven’t cut off nominations yet, because this one deserves some kind of award,” Baker writes. “If you’re going to forge a vaccine card, you may want to make sure the name of the (vaccine) manufacturer is SPELLED CORRECTLY!! Palm to the face and palm to this ‘genius.’ NAH!”
Agreed. They pinched her at the airport on the way home and she couldn’t make bail. Since she’s from Oak Lawn, she could have saved herself jail time by just going to Palermo’s 95th, for a Palermo’s special pizza: sausage, green pepper, mushrooms and onions. Extra thin, Extra crispy. Extra sauce. No sunscreen.
That’s a vacation too.
Tom Winike nominates a French thief stealing from the dead.
“Nah!! Non-political Moutza to the ‘Pine Box Pickpocket,’ busted at a funeral home for stealing wallets and jewelry from the deceased,” Winike writes. “Police also found a stack of recent death notices. Feesah etho!!!”
This reminds me of a Chicago Outfit crew. They didn’t steal from the dead. That’s a sin. Instead, they read obituaries in the Chicago papers and targeted the homes of the bereaved survivors. They burglarized Outfit family homes during the funeral. And that’s the Chicago Way.
All are worthy.
But First Deputy Eric Carter, reported on a video saying “We don’t have time for this shit” is the worthiest man in Chicago. Peter V. Bella heard it. I heard it. All Chicago Police officers and their families heard Carter trashing of a sacred tradition.
I’ve spoken to many senior department commanders and rank-and-file cops who are horrified and sickened by the comments.
Say her name, First Deputy. Say her name.
You didn’t have the time? Ella French had time. She had time to die in the line of duty, giving her life to serve and protect Chicago. And Eric Carter didn’t have time?
Lightfoot defended you to her shame. But the mayor’s already checked out, hasn’t she? She’s rolling over for Arne “White Shadow” Duncan to become mayor. He’s the favorite empty suit of the cynical Obama Machine and Rahm and his money guys.
I haven’t heard Carter apologize. The cops are demoralized, exhausted and overworked to the breaking point.
So, Carter, lift your chin. Look at it. It’s got your name on it now.
The Golden Moutza of August is yours and yours alone. You’ve earned it.
Now, blow on it.
(Copyright 2021 John Kass)