By John Kass

December 10, 2023 

I’ve got a big damn head to begin with. It’s unusually large as  those who know me would testify. What’s worse is that now that big damn head is overheated with dire predictions about all the mischief the left will cause in the upcoming elections.

And stress about the migrants, and more stress about the border, and now Hunter wants a pity party basically saying that the “evil” Republicans among us want him dead. Why? Because he was caught grifting with the “Big Guy?”

So much nevra and agita and aggravation, that the first thing I need is to cool down my big damn head, and the steaming brains bouncing around in there. And just by coincidence, the “No Chumbolone” cap has become available at johnkassnews.com.

The perfect gift for the fevered brow.

“I need one,” writes loyal reader Mary Roche.

Of course you do Mary.

“This hat would be a priceless addition to my Chicago memorabilia (as the city continues to deteriorate, my memories become more important!) Put me down for one!” said Tim Mattlin. “And keep up the good recovery and health plan!

Reader Bob Boren invoked my grandfather Papou Pete “How about one with the famous quote about  politicians speaking and donkeys (passing gas).

Funny you should say that Bob. A China Joe Biden tee-shirt recalling my Paupo’s famous saying is in the works.

So is the perfect vehicle for a deliciously stimulating Ponchino, the favorite morning beverage of tough Streets and San drivers who plowed the snow for taxpayers of Chicago. All you need is some brandy or Seagram’s and black coffee–and it tastes great in your very own Chicago Way coffee mug. And its made even tastier with the faces of WGN  radio producer Jeff Carlin and Mr. Big Damn Head staring out at the endless chaos of the world.

Reader Ward Karson writes: “John Kass please bring forth to the people a Golden Moutza coffee mug available in your store, so we may gift those on the left who rightfully require it! I would happily buy one right now! The Golden Hand (you’ll note, in properly capitalized first letters, a rightful show of respect) replete with a NAH! on a nice coffee mug would fly out of your company store and into the waiting hands of your people!”

Well as a matter of fact that too is on the drawing board and stay tuned. But you don’t need to gift left wingers because they already have everything, including an inflated sense of moral superiority.

“Love the hat!!” said Tom Gore,” Can’t wait to get one!”

Anyone can buy one. And subscribers to johnkassnews.com get a discount for their yearly or monthly subscriptions. (Secret hint–the yearly subscription model is the best deal in town).

I’m not doing this to make a profit  on hats and such. All I want to do is break even to cover operation costs and spread the word that all the world needs is a cup of common sense.

“Change my monthly to a yearly, “said John H. Ruder, “That hat shall be revered!”

Bingo. Let’s hope so.

So, to recap, we’ve got the impossibly cool “No Chumbolone” hat, The Chicago Way coffee cup, are available right now. And soon, keep an eye out for more merch to come.

“How much weight have you dropped?” said George Andrews. “You need to increase your bread intake.”

No I don’t. That’s not what my cardiologist wants me to do. I dropped 60. 30 more and I’ll be at my broken-jaw weight when Betty fell in love with me on account of sympathy. Once I get to 165 I can start fighting four-rounders. Can I bring my cane into the ring? Or would that be the act of a Chumbolone?

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