I Left My Heart in San Francisco

By Michael Ledwith

August 29, 2024

Literally.

For years after we moved back to Chicago from San Francisco I would have dreams that I went back to our apartment at the top of Russian Hill. Sixty feet from Macondray Lane. A block and a half from the Octagon House. With a view of the Bay and Alcatraz from our front steps.

Macondray Lane – Note how steep the street is.

In the dream I fly to SFO. Take the crew bus to the TWA parking lot. Find my BMW 320i, with a crank handle sunroof, waiting for me. Speed out of the lot, on to US 101, listening to America’s best progressive rock station KSAN, turn off Union Street to Leavenworth, find a parking spot, turn the front wheels toward the curb because the street is so steep.

Up the steps, through the entrance door, into our apartment.

In the dream no one lived there anymore. When I opened the door, the front room was empty. No furniture. Empty rooms as I walked through the flat.

But somehow the stereo system was there. Bose 901 speakers still hanging from the ceiling. Turntable, pre-amp and amp on the wood floor of the den.

Stacks of LPs here and there on the floor.

Then the couch would somehow appear in front of the fireplace.

I’d build a fire because it was always freezing on the top of Russian Hill. Have a beer and Van Morrison would fill my dream and my lost life in the apartment with Wavelength.

In my dreams the apartment was always empty and vacant like this. Empty with the exceptions noted above and furniture that came and went based on the whimsy of the dream curator.

In dreams that would leave the pillowcase back in Chicago wet with tears the next morning, I’d leave the apartment, walk down Union Street, and have dinner at the Washington Square Grill.

Washington Square – the Grill was to the left – you might recognize the church from Dirty Harry.

A favorite restaurant when we lived in San Francisco with its magical rose-colored lighting that made everyone look like a movie star.

At the big round table on the right near the bar. Greg and Linda would be there to greet me. Wayne and Ana. Miguel Angel Miranda, the handsomest man in the world, sometimes with his 12-string guitar, sometime not.

In one dream, Christy’s dad Hayes, looking young and handsome, looked around the grill, nodding to the owner and the head waiter as if he knew them. Smiling, perhaps hearing the faint sound of fog horns, perhaps smelling the ocean from the bay a half mile away, asking everyone at the table with his pure sincerity, how are you?

I always thought his three years at sea during WWII and my life since age thirteen in the ocean surfing was part of why we were more father and son, than father-in-law and son and son in law.

Why I loved him so, and why I miss him so much.

Dinner at the Washington Square Grill was part of my San Francisco dream for years. So was driving along Fisherman’s Wharf buying paper cups of crab and bottles of Anchor Steam from street cafes.

After college I had always wanted to live there. Most of my friends did too.

Why?

Movies of course: Bullitt. The Conversation. The Maltese Falcon. Dirty Harry.

It was so beautiful. It was so hip and cool. Rock and roll. Haight Ashbury. Chinatown. KSAN. Fillmore West. The Condor Club with Carol Doda. Sausalito, just across the Bay. Fisherman’s Wharf. Lombard Street.

The dream went away after twenty or so years.

But, whenever I was in San Francisco since 1980, I’d take the same walk: from downtown to 1942 Leavenworth.

Via Chinatown, Francis Ford Coppola’s Zoetrope where he almost offered me a job, a drink at Vesuvio, wandering around City Lights Bookstore, up through North Beach to Columbus Square, remembering the scene from Dirty Harry, a hard left and a steep climb up Union to Leavenworth. A dip cone at Swenson’s.

Down Union to Van Ness. That part of Union so steep that drunk one night, walking up it back to our apartment, I, as a joke, laid down on the sidewalk to see if the street was steep enough that I could roll down it…it was.

To Fort Mason where we stayed when we sailed back from Japan.

Walk to Aquatic Park. Ghirardelli Square. Then while away an hour or two with my new books and Irish coffees at the Buena Vista Bar watching the cable car turnaround. Sometimes watching the fog roll in.

I once drank six Irish coffees there talking about soccer with Jack Hyde, the trainer of the Oakland Stompers.

Then the long walk to Fort Point, cab back to the Mark Hopkins and a drink at the top of the Mark…jackets required.

That San Francisco is gone with the wind. Purposely destroyed by politicians practicing their politics. As if dynamiting Mount Rushmore, although I should probably not give them any ideas. Human feces maps. Shoplifting gangs killing iconic stores. Empty storefronts. Homeless camps. Criminals empowered. Not cool. Not hip. Not the stuff dreams are made of.

But Christy and I…and Wayne and Ana, and Greg, and Linda, and Miguel and Michael Jones in his dream, will always have San Francisco.

For, as Hemingway wrote about being young in Paris:

If you are lucky enough to have lived in San Francisco as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for San Francisco is a moveable feast.

I dreamed about San Francisco the night after I sent this contribution to John Kass News.

I dreamed that its former City Attorney, Vice President Kamala Harris had invited the former Mayor, Gavin Newsom to walk the 1942 Leavenworth tour with her…for old time’s sake.

To reminisce about the city where, as young professionals, they built their resumes. And, as adults destroyed all that was good and beautiful and wonderful about the San Francisco of my dream to build their political careers.

The tour following the suggested itinerary, but with armed guards of course. It’s too dangerous otherwise.

Aides staring at feces apps on their iPhones to protect Kamala’s Manolo’s and Gavin’s Guccis.

Unmarked police cars driving point to avoid street crimes in progress. Palestinian Flags, not American ones, placed here and there along the way to appease academia and the woke California press.

Cutting Fort Mason and Fort Point from the walking tour because, well, they’re military forts and they hold the American military in contempt.

Picketing, not drinking, at The Top of the Mark because Mark Hopkins was a Robber Baron and Nob Hill built on indigenous lands.

Ending up drunk and bitter at the Buena Vista where the bartenders refuse to serve them, and the regulars shun them because the vista is no longer bueno.

Kamala and Gavin don’t miss San Francisco.

Its destruction was a means to an end.

-30-

Frequent contributor Michael Ledwith is a former bag boy at Winn-Dixie, who worked on the Apollo Program one summer in college. A former U.S. Army officer, he ran with the bulls in Pamplona and saw Baryshnikov dance ’Giselle’ at the Auditorium Theater.  Surfer. Rock and roll radio in Chicago. Shareholder, Christopher’s American Grill, London. Father. Movie lover—favorite dialogue: “I say he never loved the emperor.”

Comments 36

  1. Beautiful. You can just picture the beauty, the grandeur and the special secret spots of this iconic, magnificent city. I was there once on our way to Napa. We spent a night there and had a great time. It is sickening what the left is doing to our cities.

    2. Although not born there I share your love of the old San Francisco. My 1st visit there was in the 1970’s and I was hooked. Made more trips there on vacations and wanted to move there. But I had a few years on the Chicago Police Dept and didn’t think it would be wise to make that move. Traveled there many times and spent my honeymoon there in 1982. It breaks my heart knowing what has happened to this magical beautiful city. I still live in Chicago, a city I always loved too. Now it breaks my heart to see what the politicians have done to it. (Scomas was our favorite restaurant.)

  2. Wonderful! Herodatus could not have limned out a better description. Your portrait of a once magnificent place to live makes its beauties live. Brilliant way to start the day and thank you Michael!

  3. Thank you Michael for sharing your memories and dreams. The splendor of our dreams, the sights and senses alive. Your words paint a place with great fondness. I will remember your version as today’s version is a nightmare in reality. God bless our United States of America.

  4. I too choose to remember San Francisco as it was in the 80’s and 90’s. My annual visits to Moscone Center for computer conferences and expositions of the rapidly growing PC Industry were memorable.
    I too was struck by the sheer beauty of this place. Once I witnessed the beautiful Monarch Butterfly Migration. A few butterflies landed on me for a brief rest before silently fluttering onward.
    My focus on most trips was Silicon Valley, a few dozen miles down the coast. Mountain View, Santa Clara, Sunnyvale, and several others where quiet Peach Orchards became sought-after real estate housing Giants and startups of the rocketing chip manufacturers nurtured by the wine and cheese crowd of venture capitalists. It was new and revolutionary. Once dominated by corporate giants like IBM and Control Data Mainframes with their system administrator priesthood, the Personal Computing business grew exponentially into computers for all. Upstarts like Apple Computer grew to be some of the richest corporations in the world. The new industry created thousands and thousands of millionaires. It ultimately evolved into game-changing technology like the mobile phone that changed our lives. Sometimes these changes had unintended social effects that were not always positive.
    Now we are embarking on the AI journey. We can only guess where that might lead. AI has the potential to let many genies out of many bottles. It can be utilized for good or evil purposes. Let’s hope that most uses are good.

    1. These corporations allowed this great city to turn to scat. Real estate prices sky rocketed when they showed up and drove the hard working middle and lower middle class out. That is the soul of every great city. It happened in Chicago. I lived 1st in West Town next to Uke village. Mostly humble abodes. Now almost every residence is $1million or more. Became trendy, with trendy restaurants serving salads made of flowers sans the Roundup I presume. Trendy drinks tasting like candy. Gone is Bravermans deli (better than Mannys, at the time), Leonard’s, the rib joint Royko went to and bragged about, Horse drawn Waffel Wagons that went thru side streets selling delightful goods. All replaced by trendy places, trendy people and car jackings. GOOD, IT SERVES THEM RIGHT,.

  5. To see what America would look like in the future under Kamala, read above. To make sure it will look like the above, sit on your hands, and don’t vote.

    1. I agree with you John about the sitting on your hands and voting. But, unfortunately, voting isn’t going to be enough. Education to the morons feeling the whole state of affairs are great. The morons who continue to support those determined to make the types of memories Michael speaks of just that, memories and nothing more. The morons who continue to sleepwalk and refuse to acknowledge the reality of what is happening and the consequences of their foolishness.

      And still, it may not be enough. Somehow, some way, the threat and reality of another sham election needs to be addressed, the treasonists dealt with – now not after and if Trump wins – and election integrity needs to be restored. Without it, it won’t make a damn bit of difference if you sit on your hands or not.

  7. I have good memories of SFO past. The City By The Bay Tony Bennett sang about. I visited there in 1959 with my parents and took my new bride there and Tahoe for almost two weeks before starting a job in Chicago. One of my favorite pix of my ex was coming down a stairway near the bookstore in the Cannery. Still have a “Cannery” credit card in my desk drawer. Magical memories that were interrupted by viewing on live tv the moments before RFK was murdered by Sirhan Sirhan in a hotel kitchen in Los Angeles and then the chaos. Scroll forward 40 odd years to a national meeting. Homeless everywhere and dodging human waste or discarded needles on the street. We now are in a world created by open borders with crime rampant (hey don’t prosecute and so numbers ARE down). Happy talk and don’t discuss the issues or when you do it would seem that republicans were in office the last 3.5 years. See what Kamala created since her time in offices in Cali. We are in deep trouble if she gets elected. LOOK AT HER HISTORY.

  8. Funny….you can use the same narrative to describe Chicago. When ISIS and the Taliban spread like pestilence in Iraq the first thing they did was destroy ancient archeological sites that were UNESCO protected. Democrats are doing the same things in their cities…

  9. So many similar memories but there was an underbelly of problems on my visits. In the 1980’s, after dropping off our wives at the Hayes Street Grill, we went to park our car. Saw a car slow down with their headlights off and then 2 guys jumped out. Then there was the flash of the streetlight against the metal of a revolver pointed at the head of another guy. A drug deal gone bad interrupted by undercover cops (real life Dirty Harry). I also remember even back then there was danger walking around if you didn’t look down to avoid those human landmines.
    I feel Chicago is on the same descent but until recently, Chicago has had a history of keeping the worst crime and decay segregated from certain neighborhoods.
    For full disclose, I was born and raised in Chicago

  10. You painted a beautiful picture of memories past there, Michael, as you always do. Thank you. Made me nostalgic for the apartment in which I was raised in Cicero.

  11. Michael, you make me want to cry. My wife Sue and I went to SF every year for decades. We toured and rode the Cable Car and city buses without fear. Burgers at Perry’s on Union. Tony’s Pizza in North Beach, Crab Louie at the Franciscan, Sand Dabs at Scoma’s all now a memory. The woke, who are ruining everything, have made the city a hellhole!

  12. A wonderful column. Thank you.
    My daughter works in San Francisco. I periodically go to visit.
    What you describe is spot on. I see all that money just pouring in from port fees, taxes, restaurants and the like. Yet the city looks just plain seedy. Where has all the money been spent? Definitely not on the pot holed roads. I cannot help feeling so sad to see the homeless encampments under the freeway viaducts. The tranqs standing and swaying in the middle of the streets, the addicts passed out at Union Square or the crazed lady trying to stop traffic along the Embarcadero. There are spots of a good San Francisco, like near the Presidio, but the city as a whole its sad to see. Yup Gruesome Newsome and the Momala really did a number on the city.
    On a good note: go to Brewery Row in Alameda; its a good place to get a beer and check out a food truck.

  13. Just returned from a client presentation. We had dinner at Delfina Restaurant, absolutely amazing. Afterwards we walked around the Mission District, stopped in a few bars for drinks (Twin Peaks and Last Call.) Drove up to the park to see the “Painted Ladies” house row and take pictures. Following day we made the pilgrimage to Swan Oyster Depot in honor of Anthony Bourdain, and walk along the wharf. I would encourage everyone: Instead of indulging in the current MAGA trend of denigrating ‘blue cities’ for crime waves and overall pestilence (because everyone would rather live in wholesome places like Idaho..) I encourage you, go see for yourself. Create your own experiences/opinions instead of sharing those who have an agenda, whose purpose is to scare you and generate outrage. Don’t take their word for it, be adventurous, go see. You might just be surprised when you somehow ‘survive..’

    1. Wow! McDonald’s is sending its workers to San Francisco for vacation? Who’s manning the french fry machine? Those fries ain’t cooking themselves..

      1. Are you denigrating working at McDonalds, where 1 in 8 Americans have worked, including BOTH future President Harris and VP Walz?? What’s wrong with honest, hard work?? You aren’t very bright, are you? We can tell, and I for one feel bad for you, sincerely.

  14. Seriously great Michael. I lived in the Bay Area almost 15 years from Cupertino to Alameda starting in ‘76. What a movie set to live there. Used to go to the Tower Club on Treasure Island for drinks & watch the sunset then to dinner in The City. No sight in the world like Baghdad by the Bay from a boat in the bay! Great memories but we were driven out by the left wing insanity

  15. Yes, Michael, we all have dreams of places we have been along with the memories of lost and found. Still in your youth, as compared to my age, it is still time for you to wander into areas never been and enjoy the thrill of travel within our 50 stars on our Old Glory. Time is fleeting so don’t dally….
    God bless and keep on keeping on.
    Tom

  16. Michael and John,
    Yes, I too wanted to live there when I got out of the Navy, but family business intruded, and my dreams were tossed. Still had kin there until last aunt passed away a few years ago. We went back in 2019 and toured the city, dodging feces all over the place, and around Fisherman’s Wharf as well. How sad. How tragic. But not surprising, seeing as how all the lefties took over, and are now out in the open as pure socialists, dems no more. We’ll see how long it takes before all the left coast cities implode, along with Illinois and Chicago, as the socialists who are in charge for now run out of other peoples’ money with which to create new “citizens” from illegals and criminals roaming the streets. Elections have consequences people. If you don’t think so, look at the destruction of all dem run cities and states, and tell me otherwise…..I’ll wait.

  19. What wonderful memories to have! And now so sad they are only memories or are they? Might they be more? Maybe who you are now. Don’t be too sad. In your way, you have what few of us have–a grip on what made you.

  20. Mayor Joe Alito is turning over in his grave – and Tony Bennett would get more inspiration to write a song about Gary, Indiana than that dystopian home to Botoxic. London Breed, wake up. You fell asleep in a pile of shit!

  21. Beautiful and heart rending piece, Mr. Ledwith. My last visit there was on St. Patrick’s Day in ’84 when my late father, an East Bay resident, and I toured the sights hitting Lombard Street, Golden Gate Park, the Presidio, crossing the Golden Gate Bridge and ending up at Stinson Beach. I remember how clean and bright the city seemed and, of course, the lines of patrons outside the bars waiting to get inside well before noon. I keep a photo of my father and me at the GG Park on my fridge to remind me of how dear, and how fleeting, life can be. Thank you for the post.

  23. Lived in Alameda at south shore beach & tennis club from 1986-92. Rode motorcycle to union street & played pool at the bus stop then off to North Beach to Gino & Carlos. Damn I loved those days. You brought back so many memories. I only wish the powers that be would come to realize the destruction & devastation they have caused to the people & the city

  24. Thanks for the good read, Michael.
    I lived in San Francisco back in the nineties when I shipped out with the storied Sailors Union of the Pacific from their hall on Harrison Street.
    Life was good for a young man in The City with a few bucks in his pocket. Made some good friendships in my time living there, including the late Leo Riegler that owned Vesuvio.
    Leo showed me how to truly enjoy living in San Francisco and introduced me to everyone, including the late Paul Kantner, guitarist for The Jefferson Airplane.
    With that, I end this with a quote by Paul Kantner and I believe it still hangs in Vesuvio to this day. He wrote on a bar napkin one afternoon;
    “San Francisco. 47 square miles surrounded by reality.”
    Rest in Peace, Paul and Leo. It was great knowing you both.

  25. I did some of my medical training in SF in the late 60’s early 70’s. This is what I remember. Herb Caen, Baghdad by the Bay, always sunny in Noe Valley, Hugo St., Kezar stadium, St. Claire’s Liquors, the Haight, Bud’s Ice Cream, Glide Memorial, Rev Cecil Williams, the Diggers, SF Oracle, Sam Wo’s w/ Edsel, Mission emergency, Noble frankfurter, the Castro, Jack Tar on Van Ness, Alioto’s, the Gold Spike, Henry Africas’, Glenn Dickey, the Zodiac,

  26. Great & heartbreaking article Mr Ledwith. First time my wife & I were in SF was a road trip in 1988. We took my wife’s 86’ Celica & I remember having to stop for a red light on a forgotten street & panicking. The Celica was a manual transmission & when the light changed I punched the gas & let out the clutch but unfortunately rolled backward into a 60’s Mustang beater convertible carrying 3 gay gents. One joked whiplash, the other 2 laughed & said, “Illinois?, don’t you know not to drive stick in SF?”. They let me go figuring the embarrassment was enough punishment. Joe’s Italian Restaurant, Alioto’s & swimming in hotel pool in 50 degree weather with an Anchor Steam beer. Many treasures are gone, many that exist are barely hanging on. Born & raised in Chicago & now living in NC for now. Chicago is one of the most beautiful cities of the world to me, but nothing holds a candle to San Francisco. I always wished I could live there.

  27. Michael- sent your article to Jennifer Sey, another former San Francisco native.
    She’s been writing about her journey through “wokeness” and now no longer lives in San Francisco.

  28. Awesome column Mr Ledwith.
    Alas, I think any of us can come up with a similar narrative, maybe not as eloquent, about our home city of Chicago or New York or even Detroit.
    Beautiful neighborhoods that are now shooting galleries, beautiful small businesses and restaurants gone because of the damage brought on because of crime and covid lockdown policies.
    The familiar faces that go along with all of those memories remain but only in our minds.

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