For Our Independence Day: How to Catch Wild Pigs
by John Kass
July 3, 2024
I wrote a version of this one a long time ago, but that’s the odd thing about real common sense. It lasts a long time.
As does the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States and barbecued ribs on Independence Day, and while some have tried to tear these institutions down, many Americans love them still. We’re stubborn and just won’t budge. We love the 4th of July, even though we keep letting in tens of millions of illegal migrants–some of them violent and predatory–who don’t know what Independence Day means. And many don’t care to learn.
Which brings me to my favorite story of American independence.
Every Fourth of July we Americans celebrate our liberty and our independence from an oppressive, overreaching government.
We do this through wonderful, time-honored rituals.
We wave the flag. We shoot off fireworks. We barbecue and eat watermelon in the shade. We drink beer and the kids gather round and sit on the grass where they light sparklers and chase fireflies. Some even listen to our stories. But few, if any of us, tell children of the most important Independence Day story of all:
The Americans who won independence with their blood and sacrifice didn’t have to tell their kids how to catch wild pigs. They knew. Their kids knew.
But these days, especially now, our children need to know. But this sort of thing won’t be taught in school. It’s too subversive.
Wild pigs have been on my mind lately, with the federal government growing and growing. Over the last several decades, under Republicans and Democrats in the White House, the federal administrative authority (or Deep State) has grown beyond imagining. And the debt has grown so large with a certain president eager to buy votes by “excusing” college loan tuition and “free” this and “free” that, forth, we can’t even pay the interest on the $35 trillion national debt we owe now.
Which brings me back to the story of the wild pigs.
I first read about it on the Internet a few years ago by an unknown author who deserves the thanks of every American. And I used the idea at the tail end of a column about the politics of the baby boomers. Because when they were young, the boomers smoked pot in the streets, listened to Dylan and dreamed of taking great risks. But now they’re old, and with age comes fear and it’s become easier to yearn for the embrace of the federal leviathan.
Young people have no understanding of how things were before the security cameras were everywhere, before the president ran the banks and piled trillions of debt on their backs.
So, this Fourth of July, as I’ve done for years, I tell my own version of how to catch wild pigs.
Wild pigs are crafty creatures. They’re dangerous and can kill you. They live free in the wilderness. They’re cunning, and they’re quick. And they have tusks.
Beware. They’re dangerous the way Americans were dangerous, once. And desirous of their freedom.
When my father fought the Nazis in Albania during World War II, the Greek Army starved in those hard winter mountains. Theirs wasn’t the hunger of missing a breakfast or a snack. They missed days and days of breakfasts, lunches and dinners while fighting battles in the cold.
One morning, another soldier spotted some boar tracks in the snow. He took a pack mule and a rifle, promising the guys he’d be back by sunset with dinner.
They found the soldier three days later, frozen solid, all but cut in half by the tusks. The giant boar was dead. The mule was dead.
They ate the boar and the mule — starving armies don’t waste good meat — and buried their comrade. But nobody tracked wild pigs after that.
Even so, pork is a scrumptious and traditional Fourth of July food as we celebrate American freedom and liberty, serving barbecue on patriotic red, white and blue paper plates.
The thing is, if you want to catch wild pigs, please don’t try to chase them down. They’ll get angry. You might get hurt.
Don’t track them like some hunter. Use your head, like some crafty Washington politician.
Don’t pursue them. That’s dangerous.
Instead, bribe them with corn and call it “free stuff.”
I’m told that if you just pour a few buckets of corn on the ground, sooner or later, the wild pigs will come trotting through the woods.
First, they’ll sniff the corn and run away. Eventually, though, they’ll find it delicious. The best part is that they’ll tell all their piggy friends. Soon you’ll have a whole herd of them scarfing what they think is free corn.
Then, put up one side of stout fence. Naturally, the wild pigs will run away. But soon, they’ll drift back to the corn.
A few weeks later, put up the second length of fence. They’ll disappear, but they’ll return, because they’re used to the program. Then the third side. But keep spreading that corn. It’s part of their routine.
Finally, it’s time to put up the fourth side of the fence, the business side, the side with a gate.
Just keep adding corn, and soon they’ll trot through the woods and through the gate. When they’re all in, all you have to do is quietly close the door.
They won’t even notice they’ve been caught. That’s when you begin the process of domestication
The problem is that a plain fence can be so boring. So, let’s dress it up, say with a little placard over the gate. Perhaps we should inscribe fancy words on it, too.
What comes to mind is an expression often attributed to a wise Frenchman named Alexis de Tocqueville, who wrote about the American experiment with freedom and liberty after it began more than 200 years ago.
No matter who said these words first, they’re perfect for the plaque on our fence. Here goes:
“The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.”
Happy Independence Day.
-30-
About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper. He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.
Comments 35
In regard to a recent court case, Joe Biden said that Americans don’t elect kings. But isn’t that how he and the Democrats rule, like a king? Biden rules by executive order, ignores the will of the Congress by his free lunch student loan giveaways, among others, and squanders the public funds and trust. The list of his executive orders is numerous, and each infringes on the rights of the citizens of this country in one way or another and bypasses the representatives of the people. We once got rid of a King like that at a great cost. The Democrats are the true threat to democracy because the Democrats think that only they know is good for the country. The Democratic Party is the party of arrogance and is the enemy of the freedom of the people to live their own lives unhindered by the government. On top of that, the King is not of sound mind and is a puppet for the real powers behind the throne.
I can’t help but think of the ending of the movie “Saving Private Ryan” where a dying Captain Miller draws Ryan close to him, and, with his last breaths, says, “Earn this.”.
I was immediately reminded of the boiled frog story. If you try to put a frog in a pan of hot water, it will be uncomfortable and jump out of the pan. But if you put the frog into tepid water, it will remain in the water as you heat it and perish when the water heats up. I have not conducted this experiment, so I cannot verify this hypothesis.
The allegory is similar to the wild pigs story. Only we are frogs instead of pigs. This reminds me of a quotation misattributed to Italian Communist, Antonio Gramsci, but actually stated by West German student socialist Rudi Dutschke (Thanks to Conserapedia
Dutschke said,
“Gramsci theorized that if Communism achieved “mastery of human consciousness,” then concentration camps and mass murder would be unnecessary. Mastery over the consciousness of the great mass of people could be attained if Communists or their sympathizers gained control of the organs of culture — churches, education, newspapers, magazines, the electronic media, literature, music, the visual arts, and so on. By winning “cultural hegemony,” Communism would control the deepest wellsprings of human thought and imagination. One need not control all information itself if one can gain control over the minds that assimilate that information. Under such conditions, opposition would disappear since men are no longer capable of grasping the arguments of Marxism’s opponents.”
I was immediately reminded of the boiled frog story. If you try to put a frog in a pan of hot water, it will be uncomfortable and jump out of the pan. But if you put the frog into tepid water, it will remain in the water as you heat it and perish when the water heats up. I have not conducted this experiment, so I cannot verify this hypothesis.
The allegory is similar to the wild pigs story. Only we are frogs instead of pigs. This reminds me of a quotation misattributed to Italian Communist, Antonio Gramsci, but actually stated by West German student socialist Rudi Dutschke (Thanks to Conservapedia
The earlier of the two brilliant writers whose photos appear above also wrote about pigs. His invaluable cautionary novel written in 1948 somehow seemed to see both Oceania in 1984 and Washington, D.C. in 2024: “The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”
The Democrats are the primary enablers of the Bureaucracy, Deep or Administrative State! Many Republicans also enable it, but some still realize it’s dangers. Freedom loving “wild pigs” or Anericans have been fenced in on three sides. Thankfully, the SCOTUS has so far kept the Bureaucracy from finishing the fence. Chevron is an example of SCOTUS pulling down some of the fence posts. The 51 CIA “consultants” and their story enabled Biden to win, and he has mostly been their and the Bureaucracies puppet, and together they have almost succeeded in building the fence completely! There still are wild pigs left who are not comfortable with fences and keep telling the rest of pigs the danger of them.
Thanks John for the reminder this 4th of July! We need a Congress and President in office willing to dismantle the fences, plank by plank and post by post. SCOTUS can only point the way for us free wild pigs who like to run wild across the land. How free are Illinoisans, New Yorkers or Californians to roam their land (think Covid restrictions or gun laws)? More than this upcoming presidential election, we need to elect a Congress that will tear down fences, state by state!
The GOP also supports the Deep State, Republican party insider Mike Lofgrin. It’s bipartisan. Both parties are whore wild pigs.
And do you think the Dems are REALLY upset by SCOTUS ruling making our president a dictator/king. Of course not! If whore mongering, wife cheating, fatso Orange Man gets in he can’t go after Obama, Wm. Clinton or even Bush, the latter he said he would punish for the war he got us in.
It works both ways. Becareful what you celebrate. This SCOTUS decision has made us no better than Russia. Now we will get our own little Putins.
Part of what you say is true. However, has Trump sold the country to the Chinese, as the Bidens have done? Try as hard as they might, the Democrats have not been able to connect Trump directly to January 6th. The Biden family operations have been well documented, and while Joe might escape, as he skated on the classified documents, the rest of the Biden family is as guilty as hell. The immunity only applies to the President in official acts. The immunity does not apply to Jill Biden, Garland and the rest of manipulators. They are all open to prosecution for various crimes. As for stolen elections, anyone who lives in Illinois and says are elections are as pure as the driven snow is an idiot.
In case you forgot, the first Mayor Daley stole the 1960 election for John F Kennedy. But since Kennedy was a Democrat, apparently that is OK with you.
A timely reminder. This week SCOTUS has punted on a couple cases brought on behalf of we wild pigs objecting to the government fence construction efforts. Government coercion of social media platforms was given their blessing, and Illinois was given the ability to continue their prohibition of the single most popular rifle in American today. Privileged pigs have no empathy for the cornered ones.
Rory, I agree SCOTUS doesn’t always get it right! However, at least they’re dismantling some of the fence!
I grew up in the city, John. I don’t know about catching wild pigs out in the sticks but I do know how to catch them in the city. Announce you’re looking for a location to invest money and open a business. This attracts the wild pigs much, much better than corn. You get different varieties of City Pig too. Alderpigs, Zoningpigs, City Licensing Pigs. Believe me, there are many, many more pigs to come. A smorgasbord of pigs. Whether you like it or not. Just remember to pat down the pigs first. They might be wearing a wire….
Enrique, those are already “domesticated” pigs, not wild ones!
And the there’s this quote.
“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.”
― Margaret Thatcher
True
Good column John. Keep it up.
Congratulations on another good article. Keep up the good work. Happy 4th!
“There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men.”
― Edmund Burke
We must be ever aware that the people who hate us, do so with great patience. I fear a complacent attitude is creeping in, because of the revelation at the debate and the subsequent war on the Supreme Court by the evil people who created the man at the debate.
Stay awake and stay aware. They are.
A nice nod to Orwell who has continued to be prescient about politicians bringing in their new “fair” governing with his “All animals are created equal but some are more equal than others.” Whoever gets power (elected) always somehow ends up being “more equal than others”.
The de Tocqueville quote is the most prescient of our time. I’ve been using it for decades to try and educate liberals about our self serving politicians and their big rock candy mountain of “free stuff”.
So true. That’s “unboarable.” ☺
The GOP also supports the Deep State, (read book by Republican party insider Mike Lofgrin: The Deep State). It’s bipartisan. Both parties are whore wild pigs.
And do you think the Dems are REALLY upset by SCOTUS ruling making our president a dictator/king. Of course not! If whore mongering, wife cheating, fatso Orange Man gets in he can’t go after Obama, Wm. Clinton or even Bush, the latter he said he would punish for the war he got us in.
It works both ways. Becareful what you celebrate. This SCOTUS decision has made us no better than Russia. Now we will get our own little Putins.
John, you mentioned Bob Dylan, but he’s not alone. Back in the 60s-70s ALL the rock stars sang about their disdain for the government. Now they all seem to backing big government. Bruce Springsteen, Roger Waters, Graham Nash and too many more than I can count have ALL come out as backers of the commiecrats, i.e. the big government folks. Winston Churchill said, “Any man under 30 who is not a liberal has no heart, and any man over 30 who is not a conservative has no brains.” I believe that’s true.
Γιάννη,
Χρόνια πολλά Αμερική!! Having just spent a few days in the UK, I am acutely aware of just how young our fragile Republic truly is. Let us never forget the sacrifices of so many to secure the freedoms that socialists now seek to wrest from us all….oh, and BTW, freedoms that were won at the point of a gun!! Never forget!! Και του χρονου!
Thank you John Kass for everything – such a fun article! Below is a link to a piece on the Declaration of Independence, siting its ancient roots and with a very fine quote from Abraham Lincoln, proving again (to me at least) that Lincoln was driven hard, and by the hard left of his own party.
https://www.abbevilleinstitute.org/the-goat-of-political-documents/?eType=EmailBlastContent&eId=e1165a7c-6d1e-4ae9-b6af-89025932b104
Had an acquaintance from Arkansas that hunted them with dogs, and a knife…..Killed them with his bare hands.
Thank you John Kass for this great column and a true explanation of what free lunch is all about…yes, I am laughing….God bless you John Kass.
Tom
All I can say about catching wild pigs is: “Ain’t that the truth.” Enjoy your Independence Day!
I’ve read the wild pig story here before, thank you for sharing again. I’ve heard many great quotes from Alexis de Tocqueville, but that one is new to me. Nice.
John: Today’s elderly baby boomers still smoke pot in the streets, still listen to Dylan. As far as dreamin’ of taking great risks exactly what risks are you referring to? Joining a commune and getting the clap? Hitch-hiking out to SF during the summer of love? Taking a few trips … the LSD variety? The baby boomers I knew did much as I: tried like all hell to avoid the greatest risk of all – winding up in Viet Nam.
Happy 4th John! Your article reminded me of a relative in AL who has set up a 20 ft diameter fence with two remote controlled gates and a camera with motion control alarms and a phone app. He traps up to about 20 wild pigs at a time as they munch on their “free” corn. He then shoots them and drags their bodies away from the trap for the buzzards to consume. His body count is over 900.
A classic story, well worth repeating! However, you really only catch young pigs, older pigs aren’t worth that much effort.
The boomers, like me [caught] , are retiring and dying, or next president will be the last boomer in that office [going back to ’92] making a 36-year run if he survives to end of term. The next will be a GenXer, the most divorced and aborted generation. They look at the world differently.
Older Millenials [I work with many] resent those loan-forgiveness handouts almost as much as I do and few of them think Social Security will be around for them [so did I, it looks like I was wrong]. Their memories tend to be shaped by 911, the loan crisis, and endless wars [like ours by the cold war, inflation, and the space race]. They consider themselves ‘the screwed generation’ and seem to dislike government handouts.
GenZers?????? Too soon to tell, but what effect will the covid lockdowns, the Floyd riots, the high cost and low return of college have on them? They’re beginning to vote now and will hold office in a decade or so.
To quote the great Yogi [Berra] “…predictions are hard, especially about the future!”
Biden is not a Boomer.
Great Column.
I would hazard a guess that our Republic is dead. Our government has already figured out how to bribe the public with its own money. We have PPP Loans, Tuition forgiveness, Earned Income Credits, mortgage forgiveness/subsidies, and a slew of free stuff we can get if you know which federal department to “shop” at—all in the name of helping the hard-working Americans. Ever notice the reaction of Congress to a problem is to pass some sort of subsidies or bogus program? They never try to get to the root of the problem and fix it. Just look at ACA.
I think you should have added another picture of a writer: Aldous Huxley: to me just as poignant as George Orwell.