Who Won the Golden Moutza of the Last Coupla Tree Months?

By John Kass

May 10, 2024

As loyal readers know, an obnoxious gallbladder knocked me off schedule for the Golden Moutza the last two, tree months.  How long has it been? I’ve forgotten.

The Golden Moutza was delayed, yes by a stubborn gallbladder, but now I’m back.

Who ‘won’ the Golden Hand of my civilized ancestors? The tradition of bestowing the Moutza of contempt upon the condemned dates back long before the Fall of Constantinople. It dates back long before the Democrat Party recently tried to save senile geezer President Joe Biden by relying on the testimony of a fading mercenary porn queen who nevertheless was portrayed as something of a “modest nun” by an MSNBC media high priest.

“Off topic,” writes foodie Kathleen Keating in a Golden Moutza post on Facebook. “Would you consider re-posting your lamb shanks recipe?”

Yes. Of course I’ll consider it.

But not today.

For Sunday I’m doing a cooking column on my sons and their Easter lamb (but no shanks). We’ll get to your lamb shanks, Kathleen. I promise. But today is Golden Moutza of the Month day, and we’ve lost so much time, having missed at least two Golden palms, let’s get to it.

So much has happened, what with Chicago Mayor Panic Attacks running away from reporters who wanted to question him about City Hall trying to muscle the family of slain Chicago cop Luis Huesca to let Johnson get a speaking part at the dead officer’s funeral. He was told he wasn’t welcome. Then when reporters wanted to ask him about it, he ran down the alley.

And the murderous Riddhi Patel the HAMAS supporter and leftist from California, who said she wanted to take a guillotine to the necks of the members of the Bakersfield town council, and murder them because they did not agree with her antisemitic politics. Later, after she was hit with 18 felony counts, and typical of these jacobin haters, she sobbed publicly in court.

And what of another deranged leftist, talk show host Drew Barrymore begging Vice President Kamala Harris to be the “Momala” of the United States? When Barrymore asked the question–on a couch of course–it looked as if she was desperate to breast feed.

Yeah. Ye Gods.

And there are so many more idiots out there, I am overwhelmed by the stoopids. It feels as if we’ve all been sucked into a Rick and Morty Sci-Fi cartoon.

“My moutza of the month has to go to Uncle Bosey,” writes Tom Dattalo of the president’s heroic uncle, the late 2nd LT. Ambrose J. Finnegan Jr may have been boiled in a pot.

“It’s so sad he had to have been eaten by cannibals instead of him hanging out with his nephew Brandon shaking down Ukrainian gas companies and eating ice cream,” writes Dattalo.

And like all of Biden’s Commander McBragg fabrications, the one about his uncle eaten by cannibals in New Guinea during WWII was full of bull crap, too.

“The judge in Trump’s [hush money] case—for allowing the sicko Stormy’s sex testimony to be heard in open court,” says Denise Harmantas Mikkelsen. “Oh and the DA Bragg for being stupid and political enough to bring this case to court. NAH!!!!”

Highly conflicted Judge Juan Merchan insists he’s not conflicted, even though his daughter is a Democrat political operative in Chicago whose clients reportedly raised $93 million off the Trump case alone. Judge Merchan made a fool of himself this week. And he made a fool of the law by allowing the porn star to re-enact a sexual pose from the witness stand during testimony.

Manhattan District Attorney –and Soros-boy–Alvin Bragg doesn’t care about his honor either, or he wouldn’t have brought this ridiculous case to court.

It’s not about the law. It’s a farce, about using legal muscle to smear former President Donald Trump before the 2024 elections  and helping CNN and MSNBC and the rest of the corrupt corporate media humiliate the former president and rehabilitate the national strumpet. The corporate media and the leftist lawyers have indicted themselves.

It will be overturned. Lawyers who know the law, know this. And when it is overturned, the hard left Marxists in the corporate media will panic and turn to quivering goo. And I will enjoy a fine maduro cigar against doctor’s orders.

Already the left-wing media is melting down. They know what’s coming: They will lose it completely when the case is overturned. I know some of these hard left Marxists in media. I worked with them. I’m amused by their social media. They portray every conservative as fascist ghouls. They rhetorically wonder why America has torn itself apart. They know. They’re the reason the nation reaches for the tomahawks to settle political differences.

Lawrence O’Donnell at the NYC Women’s March

One of the true nut-balls at this party is Lawrence O’Donnell of the Jacobin network MSNBC.

The other day he described the porn star in court as resembling a modest nun.

Here’s what O’Donnell the moron said:

“The loose fitting plain black clothing draping from her shoulders to her toes suggested the modesty of a nun.”

Pardon me?

“The makeup was minimal the way she and the other moms in her neighborhood might look when shopping at the local grocery store.”

“The long blonde hair held up with a clip at the back of her head the way it might be in a utilitarian way while she was doing dishes.”

O’Donnell’s prose was overwrought, turgid and unsettlingly purple. Why do I think he has made a close study of her work?

Lawrence? Blow on this creepo. NAH!!

Vicky Iwanow Ziemba writes:

“Glad your procedure was simple, John! So, aren’t teachers supposed to be actually teaching, or demanding 100 percent free abortions? Only 26 percent of Chicago’s public-school students are proficient in reading for God’s sake! I nominate the Chicago Teacher’s Union for their $50 billion in contract demands.

“Nah! Parta! FEESAH ETHO!!!!!”

Ken Frantzen

Ken Frantzen limbers his hand this way:

“Chicago Schools are rated the worst in the nation. That makes Chicago and Johnson #1. How can anything be worse than incompetence in educating kids? The media hides the TRUTH. Maybe the US Media should get the Award of Corruption and Ignorance. This is a chicken and egg issue which confuses ignorant humans. So they let corrupt politicians destroy their kids by supporting corrupt educators. Meanwhile the media is MURDERING your kids!  The Media gets MOUTZA.”

Agreed.

Dino Costa votes for Mayor Johnson.

“Brandon, for jumping on the Bears Bandwagon with unknown financing and unknown cost.”

One of my favorite Moutza givers is Tom Winike:

“Moutza to North Shore leftists who curse Texas for manipulating immigration laws. That’s exactly what NU is doing by offering scholarships to Palestinians as gateways to F-1 visas. In luxurious Lincolnshire, privilege and prestige enables self-indulgent high schoolers to distribute hate literature as an upscale amusement, like fencing or water polo. Feesah Etho !”

Nothing like the privileged children of the privileged to spread hate and cast themselves as victims. That’s how you know they’re Democrats.

But when it comes to strong willed cowgirls, I admit I have a weakness, unless they want to kill my dog. And that I won’t abide.

Here comes political trainwreck South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, who not only killed her dog, but she wanted to kill Biden’s dog too, and also she killed her Billy Goat. You want to know about a man, give him some power. You want to know about a woman? Give her a shotgun and see if she kills critters for fun.

The only Billy Goat I knew was the one Sam Sianis kept at the Billy Goat tavern, it smelled terrible, but it used to eat the cigarette butts in the ashtrays. At least it was useful. And I’m partial to Billy Goats since my Papou Pete had one at the farm in Canada. It smelled terrible, too. But Papou Pete didn’t kill it.

“King” was his name. He helped make baby goats, including my mom’s pet goat, a gentle goat named Flicka. They ate Flicka for Sunday dinner with rosamarina and tomato and grated cheese.  Papou didn’t tell my mom that Flicka was on the menu until it was done.

Our family motto: Don’t play with food.

According to CBS News, Noem’s memoir in which she bragged about killing her pointing dog, also includes a reference to Commander, Joe Biden’s dog that bit 24 U.S. Secret Service officers. They’re not expendable either Joe.

In her book Republican Noem reportedly said if she were to make it to the White House, she would first ensure that Biden’s dog was not on the premises. “Commander, say hello to Cricket,” she imagined herself saying, according to CBS News.

She shot Cricket for killing chickens. She shot the goat because she didn’t have it castrated and it head-butted people. But that’s what goats do, Kristi. You don’t murder them.

And you’re not going to be vice president because, well, it would be terrible politics. There’s nothing more stupid than a politician who kills a dog and then thinks she can continue on in politics. The other day Noem cancelled what was left of her book tour. Loser.

Gov. Noem? I just lost my good dog Zeus the Wonder Dog. We had to put him down. He was sick and old and it was his time. But we did it gently just a couple weeks ago. We loved him. I wouldn’t have shot him.

Your dog wasn’t something to kill to show us you’re man enough to be president. You should have trained your dog.

Lift your chin governor, and accept this Golden Moutza from my friend Zeus the Wonder Dog. I’m hoping he’ll be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge. Your catchy slogan about South Dakota is that “Freedom Works Here.” But this is America darlin’ and in America the Golden Moutza works here too.

And you “won.” Proud of yourself?

Kristi Noem? Feesah etho you dog killer and goat murderer.

Nah!!

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem – Photo by Matt Johnson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper. He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.

Comments 47

  1. Dang, I was so hoping that Commie lip-biter Larry O’Donnell would Kop the Moutza! He’s no where near exhausted his stupiditities; perhaps in a run -up to the lection, OR a post-Trump election screed! That would be must-see-TV!

      1. Thanks,although I don’t always agree with you you know Chicago.I just moved to Highland Indiana and find it hard to not call myself a Chicagoan.

  2. The Moutza should have been to the media. Useless idiots of no redeeming social value. The New York judge and prosecutor (and the whole worthless New York political establishment) would have been a good choice, too. So many worthy candidates and so few Moutzas. The governor could never be a vice president candidate – she doesn’t know when to shut up. She, by own writings made herself a target for the media. If she could not figure out that this would happen, she doesn’t have the smarts to be a vice president.

      1. Since they have no shame, I highly doubt if they feel an ounce of remorse over their actions. If exposing their mothers and grandmothers to ridicule would further their agenda and line their pockets, they would do it – and be proud of doing it.

    1. Noem fooled us. Only drunk nailing dragging psychos would shoot a dog.
      Sure she impressed the hell out of her “huntin buddies”. Didn’t think bout cutting off his gitzels, creating a nice family dog? NAH

  6. By the way, I loved my dogs too! However, death by lethal injection in the vet’s office, while painless, always seems ghoulish to me. I know friends who hunt who have taken ill dogs out into the woods or fields and shot them because it seemed better for them to go that way.
    Ever heard Elvis’s “Shepy” or read that old Gene Hill Story “Old Tom”? Taking a dog out where it’s had so many hours of joy and putting it down with a quick shot in the head when it’s not looking, though hard, seems a better way to many of us.
    No, I never have [the dogs were too sick for that] and yes, I know that’s not what governor Noem did, but my friends and I have been sharing a lot of dog stories since that story came out and it’s not so cut and dried to me.
    PS I think she just omitted to read carefully a ghost-written book!

  7. My dear John Kass, I love you and your family and your columns and your recipes and every clever allusion that seems to appear, like a home run, in your all Pro, MVP, league leading columns’ batting average. I’m a fan.

    And this paean to Zeus, this recent horrible loss, of our own ages and amidst our own vitalities, brings fresh the horrid disbelief of our Duke, quiet and resigned on the back seat of our VW, his final ride to the vet. You’re loss hits all four of you and so many of us readers.

    And, so, your award goes to whomever you choose. May I, please, support the recipient’s actions with what seems to be an ignored reality? It’s easy to say, after the fact, to train your dog. Most dogs respond well to training and love and normal domestic coexistence. Urban and suburban “fur balls” are different from “working” dogs on farms and ranches.

    Dairy farmers up north, fifty years ago, raising families on a few hundred pounds of milk a day did NOT call vets for old dogs nor for biters or runners. Most dogs were good dogs because bad dogs were not very long tolerated.

    My favorite scene in many folks’ favorite movie has Atticus Finch grabbing the Krag and dropping that mad dog in the street. Did he ruin his election chances with that shot?

    There was a time when Americans did not tolerate mad dogs. We seem, now, to tolerate mad dogs of various ailments and species. Dairy farming has changed, I know, but a bad dog has no place on any well run farm in any state. A shotgun shell versus an appointment with a holistic acupuncturist veterinarian who accepts American Express?

    More to my point, what happened to the concept of “intolerable” and “unacceptable behavior”? College campuses, Super Bowl celebrations, Cinco Di Mayo, Art Institute, Austin, sad, desolate Austin and the entire west side all overrun with mad dogs, tolerated and coddled by “bystanders”.

    Atticus was no bystander. Somehow, she spoiled her electoral appeal doing the right thing and thus earning her moutza. Zeus could be trained and loved and love. This grief is real and human.

    Cricket and Zeus, eh? Two different animals. Maybe they both got what they had coming. Just like all of us. And, really, does the manner matter?

    And, as for that goat; look, Goat, we’re humans, enlightened. Either we’re going to cut your balls off or we’re gonna shoot you. And maybe eat you. Like those chickens Cricket killed.

    Heart strings aside, haven’t mad dogs earned their lot? Mustn’t our children and their Mothers be protected from them. Is not the (chicken) world safer without that mad dog?

    Mend, John Kass! Your words matter and they inform us of your progress.

    hansen

    1. I agree with this perspective. I grew up spending my Summers on my grandparents’ farm, so I agree with owners taking responsibility for their animals. My grandpa’s dogs were very well trained & behaved. He personally put down everyone of his dogs except for one where he just couldn’t do it, so he called up his neighbor friend to do it for him. This is the “fly over country” city folk just don’t (want to?) understand.

      Zeus sounds like he was a great dog and it is right to miss & praise him. I’m a sucker for great dog stories.

    4. I agree…tough choice? pragmatic decision? Sure it is. Putting a dog down or any pet isn’t easy or callous. Somethings just need to be done…ask “Old Yeller”, he didn’t have a choice, but sadly, he had to go. Whether by a 25 cent bullet, or a $90 sad, drawn out, weepy trip to the vet, when your number is up, it is up. Better than winding up being eaten by a future US President.

  8. Great choice, John! I agree wholeheartedly. So many choices, but Noem had to be the one for what she did. In honor of Zeus the Wonder Dog, and all of God’s creatures.

  9. Years ago I saw The Pompeii exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry . There was an exhibit of bodies that had been preserved by the lava and ash. There was also the body of a dog in the same exhibit. Shame on me but my first thought was, “aww, poor dog”. Just saying , don’t mess with dogs!!!

  10. I may self would have picked the clown judge in New York. Talk about someone who should be disbarred for making a mockery of the court/justice system.

    I’m ok with Noem as your choice. I find it a little ironic that a Republican can stand out & get the honor with all of the Democraps, the Palastine loving college kids, the horrid media and the list goes on.

    This one is for Zeuss. Guidance from above 😇

  11. Well deserved. Although I’ve appreciated some of Governor Noem’s policies, I’ve never quite trusted her. She’s got the crazy eye. You know what I mean? When you can see the white all the way around someone’s eye? I know you were an equestrian at one time in your life, John. Ever had to ride a horse that had an eye like that? Puts you at some unease, doesn’t it? Because deep down you know, something’s just not quite right.

    1. indeed. i though she was mere eye candy playing the sexy cowgirl. but she does have that crazy eye, just before they take the bit in their teeth and bolt across the highway.

  12. So glad you are well and back! Loved who got the Golden Moutza, so very well deserved. I hope her political career is over. Who in their right mind would shoot their dog or their goat and then be stupid enough to brag about it?

    Zeus, the Wonder Dog, is missed by this reader. Having had the tough job of letting my little Silkie Terriers go after 16 years and my beloved cat, Mr. Peach, who died from cancer at 14, I know your pain. I so hope they are waiting at the Rainbow Bridge for me.

  13. Good choice. What the “back in my grandma’s day we shot dogs like that” tough guys are missing:
    Noem didn’t adequately train a very young dog;
    Noem didn’t bother to neuter a male goat;
    She shot them in succession in what appears to be a fit of anger;
    Finally, she wrote about it in her book thinking that these incidents make her look competent and capable of making hard decisions.
    Oh, and there’s that little tidbit about meeting Kim Jong-un — which John didn’t mention in his article.
    Gov. Barbie richly deserves that Moutza. Feesa etho!

  14. My first comment didn’t appear so I’ll try again. EXCELLENT CHOICE! I wish I could deliver this trophy to the “winner” myself! We had to put our dear sweet little rescue pup down last month. This disgusting tale of animal cruelty would have never sat well with me but was especially hard to take after what we had been through trying to save our dog.

    1. I agree that the dog should not have been shot for eating chickens. Christine could have trained the dog or re-homed the dog to a family that could have taken better care of her or him. Noem cannot be considered for Vice President.

  16. It was a Moutza worthy period for sure!! Kristi won out. All were worthy. Thanks for colating the group for us, John. So sorry about Zeus, my Bulldog Maggie died during a surgery, and it was devastating.

  17. So the Trump trial is bogus, huh. I remember Clinton being questioned by a ‘special prosecter’ about how he used his cigars on Monika and how that dress got its stain? And other salacious details of his affair. That was OK, right?

    1. Thanks for the reminder. Remember also that whole affair blew up in the R’s face, as the Slickster not only beat the rap, but won the election. They say that history doesn’t repeat, but that it often rhymes…

  18. The Noem moutza award is a cautionary note for conservatives. She was lacking in judgement and clarity on transgenders in sprts recently, I recall.
    While our own Pritzker wears his evil like a chevron, the cow princess hides hers in her hand-tooled boots.

  19. Good to hear you’re feeling better. So many deserving candidates, yet only one can win. Kristi Noem is worthy of the award. A living example of
    “emperor has no clothes” syndrome. We can only guess at how many people tried telling her NOT to put the accounts of her killings in her book. But noooo! ( John Belushi citation here). She wouldn’t listen. “I’m the governor dammit I know what I’m doing!” as she steered her political career towards the iceberg. My guess is she doesn’t run for reelection and hopefully does the right thing and help the seat stay with a conservative. Then again, she might also decide to burn down the whole thing on her way out. The persecuting fools in New York are simply trying to smear Trump in court hoping some of the shit they’re throwing might stick to the wall. It’s not. The joke trial only reinforces what everyone knows about Deep State politics. If these guys can unjustly go after a president on false charges they can go after you. The idiots at MSNBS are flabbergasted at a survey showing Biden leading Trump in one category. A threat to democracy. Biden and his minions are in the process of dismantling our constitution. Their actions speak for themselves. When Bragg and that idiot judge are ejected from office hopefully Trump can sue them for punitive damages and lead them into bankruptcy. Reach into their personal assets and pensions. I’m sure Soros or some other billionaire scum will hire them for being good proxies and reward them by employing them. Boycotts are in order for those companies also. To leave things on an upbeat note, maybe John could start some type of award for those that defy the idiocy and lunatic fringe engulfing society. I nominate those “frat boys” that yanked the Hamas flag down and put our flag back in its rightful place. There will be many more since the universe might just be in the process of righting itself. Maybe enough IS ENOUGH.

  20. Kristi Noem does not deserve a moutza if all she did was put down an untrainable dog and goat.

    People on ranches and farms don’t have time to do the legwork it takes to rehome before the animal does some real damage. This is a working dog, not a pet. The country veterinarian is up to his hip-waders in more important things than giving an injection- especially to a goat. As for the dog, it’s cheaper and often kinder to have the courage to dispatch it oneself. I don’t have that courage, which is why I really don’t live in the country.

    Admittedly, I don’t want to be on a first name basis with the meat in my one-deer freezer, purchased from a farm where most of the mammals have their days at one of the local butchers. But I do get my meat there.

    Kristi Noem DOES deserve a moutza for writing in a book and thereby announcing to the whole world that she did dispatch a mean, untrainable dog and culled a goat. We live in a Society (capital S) that has dogs sitting in strollers, dogs with standing beauty appointments at the groomers, a Society-at-Large that has people wrapping their encopretic, trembling chihuahuas in “emotional support” coats so “Mumsy” can drag the dog into Walmart!!! STEWPED ON STEROIDS!!! BAD, BAD POLITICAL MOVE!!!!

    If she was trying to get ahead of it, be proactive, this is one of those few times when proactive is a bad idea. If it came up on the campaign trail, the answer would have been, “Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.” Nothing else. No apology, and certainly no explanation.

    If she was trying to make herself appear tough, rough and ready- also a bad idea. There are better ways. She had a solid record of doing what it took as a governor. She didn’t need the story of Cricket out there in an anamorphic country, where dogs and cats often get better treatment than children.

    Now, she has made a mess of things. Too bad, so sad. Lift your chin, Kristi. Your political sense stank.

    1. I agree with you. The only possible reason Guv Noem deserves the MOUTZA – as you suggest – is for her incredible political naivete. We live in a country where many treat dogs better than children, and reality on a farm or ranch is a far cry from the fantasy depicted to us city folk by Hollywood. For her not to realize this truth is stunning actually.

  21. I have read about Napoleon ,who after a battle was ridding through the battlefield . He saw a dead warrior who’s dog was laying there licking him. He never got over that.

  22. Good choice. Too many pols that seek power have a streak of cold-blooded ruthlessness, which apparently, she is proud of. I hear the dog was trouble, and rural Americans have different lifestyles, but that isn’t something to be proud of.

  23. Reminds me of the Yellowstone TV series where Beth Dutton shoots a windchime. She thinks she’s being tough, but really, it’s her lack of impulse control. If you don’t like the windchime, take it down.

  24. U.S. Representative Danny Davis just yesterday posted on “X” a big fat stupid thank you to the Illinois legislature and Gov. Pugsley for cashless bail because, as he put it, “I understand it is working well.” Maybe keep that in your back pocket for next month’s Golden Moutza!

    1. Going forward James, I wonder what evidence would Pugsley and his minions accept as proving that the “cashless bail” program is a failure? Seriously. If all of a sudden the murder rate increased, they would likely attribute that to some other variable – as there are innumerable variables associated with murder rates. So I wonder, is their pet program and it’s supposed “success” even falsifiable?

  25. So many worthy candidates. But leaving out Columbia University President Minouche Shafik, from the list of worthy nominees is Moutza malpractice.

  26. “And like all of Biden’s Commander McBragg fabrications, the one about his uncle eaten by cannibals in New Guinea during WWII was full of bull crap, too.”

    Quite…

  27. I understand the rules, that presidents aren’t eligible for the Moutza. However, given the fact that he didn’t campaign as a president, his record 81 million* votes are suspicious, he is not presidential by any means, and he is definitely not running the country as a president would, could you PLEASE give Mr Joe Biden the golden moutza before his reign is ended?

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