Dear President Big Guy and Vice President Giggles: I didn’t cross the border illegally and break the law. Where’s my $450,000?

By John Kass


Joe and Kamala: I take pen in hand to respectfully ask you a simple question, American to American. It’s not all that complicated. Even politicians like you can understand it:

Where’s my money?

Every day I go out to the mailbox to see if you’ve mailed me a big fat check, about the size of the “settlement” checks you plan on giving to those who illegally crossed our border and got caught breaking the law.

I’m from an immigrant family. We didn’t break the law. I pay taxes. You’re planning to pay people who broke the law with my money and that of other taxpayers.

So I ask again. Where’s our money? And where’s mine?

Yes, I know you two have many other things to think about besides treating me with “equity.”

Your poll numbers are tanking because of your policies, on that hideous withdrawal from Afghanistan, on taxes, on the wide-open Southern border that you’ve broken and your overreaching Covid-19 mandates, on killing the American oil and gas industry and all those jobs lost. Now you’re begging for oil from overseas.

And, because you’ve threatened to use the Department of Justice and FBI  to silence taxpaying parents who dare become involved in what their children are being taught in the government schools. You’ve compared these American parents to terrorists

You’ve screwed up the supply chain by paying people to stay home watching Netflix rather than work.

Inflation is higher than it’s been in 30 years.

And with all this going on, you’re pushing to spend trillions and trillions more in dollars that haven’t yet been printed, to buy the next election with social programs, helped along by your allies in media, and more social programs.

Who pays?

I know, I know, you’re worried about your needs. But I need you to focus on my needs. Don’t fret about the next election. I have it on good authority that neither of you will ever be elected to public office again. So don’t worry about it.

And inflation? We get our painful lesson on inflation each time we fill up the car or go to the store.

Joe, you’ve said that you don’t think we (meaning us chumbolone taxpayers) have trouble grasping complicated stuff like supply chain issues. Is that why you put the mayor of South Bend in charge of supply chains? He talks of “racist roadways” through the cities, but forgets to mention that Democratic mayors put them in.

He’s a silky talker, that one.

And the other day, when talking to reporters about how Americans don’t understand these complicated matters, President Big Guy said:

“If we were all going out and having lunch together and I said, ‘Let’s ask whoever’s in the next table, no matter what restaurant we’re in, have them explain the supply chain to us.’ Do you think they’d understand what we’re talking about?”

Joe? Here’s what I understand about that lunch. I don’t think you’re the big guy who reaches to grab the check.

And many of us witless peasants are wondering if we will be able to get a Thanksgiving turkey, or even afford one. What will we have to cut back on at home to afford the gas for a drive over to grandma’s house?

Politicians don’t have to worry about inflation. Your donors and political insiders who cash in on government don’t have to worry. Same for the Republicans. But the people worry. Money doesn’t stick to them as it does to presidential son Hunter Biden, and they’re not brought into foreign energy deals leveraged by daddy’s clout.

They’re the people without clout. They don’t get cut in. They get cut out.

To  deal with the rising costs, people cut back on things like entertainment, by not going out for dinner or to a movie. So perhaps Joe and Kamala can put on a holiday skit to cheer us up. C’mon man.

Joe can put on a Jimmy Carter red cardigan, sit by a fire, stare at us with his watery eyes and whisper about how we need to have faith in him so we’ll get presents. And Vice President Giggles could use her new Pepe Le Pew accent, the one she tried the other day on the people of France, to tell us how much she cares.

Because there’s nothing like being lied to by a politician using a strange new accent in the language of love.

But enough about you. What about my issues?

Every day I walk out to the mailbox and look inside. And what do I find?


Occasionally, I’ll see some bills, a few coupons from the local hardware store. Once, there was an Orvis catalogue. Happy day.

But today, walking out there in the cold autumn rain, what did I find?

Nada. Emptiness.

“Why do you keep looking in the mailbox?” Betty asked me. “Are you looking for treasure?”

I’m waiting for the big check from the president.

“Oh,” she said. “Don’t forget to take out the garbage.”

What frosts many Americans is that the Biden White House plans on giving out our tax dollars to non-Americans who’ve broken the law by crossing the border illegally.

Some illegal border crossers were separated from their children, but such separation happens to people when they break the law. As a criminal prosecutor in California, Kamala put people in prison for weed, then she laughed hysterically about smoking pot.

Yes, it’s a sad thing when parents are separated from their kids in a strange country. But if you don’t like it, don’t  break the laws. It happens when a judge sentences the convicted to jail. Just ask Vice President Giggles.

President Big Guy doesn’t see it that way.

“You lost your child, he’s gone, you deserve some kind of compensation no matter what the circumstances,” President Big Guy said.

But they broke the law. And here’s the thing: I haven’t broken any law.

So, where’s my money?

Joe, first you said early news stories by the Wall Street Journal about the $450 K were “garbage.” Then your mouthpieces walked back your words. But the mouthpieces use weasel words and won’t say exactly how much they’ll give to lawbreakers in settlements.

All I expect is “equity,” not in the racist sense of the word used by Democrats who discriminate against people on the basis of skin color, but the old dictionary definition, where “equity” was “the quality of being fair and impartial.”

I haven’t broken the law. I didn’t cross the border illegally. I do pay my taxes, though like most Americans, I have to put up with the sounds of politicians talking and talking.

My grandfather, Papou Pete, had a saying about politicians who talk and talk.  Betty hates it when I mention this, but here I must. As Papou Pete would say:

“The politician talks, and the donkey breaks wind.”

But enough of the poetry.

Where’s my money? I don’t think I’m the only one asking.

The cost of gas, food, even energy to heat our homes, all of it keeps skyrocketing as a result of idiotic policy. There is no Southern border to speak of. And Joe and Kamala hand out money to border lawbreakers?

Most Americans see the ideocracy at work, see inflation eating savings, food and gas prices climbing and wages stagnant.  They work hard and obey the law, they don’t have clout and they’re asking the same thing:

Where’s our money?


(Copyright 2021 John Kass)