California Dreaming: A Five-Point Survival Guide

By David Bittinger

January 30th, 2026

1. California, prepare for more Gavin Newsom.

A couple years ago, Governor Newsom pondered California’s two-term limit and his need for a new starring role. Liking “Handsome Smiling President,” he floated an unofficial campaign on the apparent platform of doing for all of America what he’d already done for California. Really.

The coming official Newsom campaign will have some success in states suffering extreme collectivist contagion. Leftist voters  refuse to understand (among many other things) that California’s bellwether policies to “help the homeless” actually increase homelessness and make entire communities unlivable. Many of those voters believe the right type of socialism just hasn’t been tried yet, darn it. Some of them have long conversations with cats.

But soon enough Gavin will notice that few Americans will vote for the California-cinematic view of reality. Kamala Harris, in 2019 a California Senator and always a malaprop machine, should have noticed this in her first presidential campaign, which spent $26 million and won 0 delegates.

She faceplanted on the Dems’ fantasy-reality problem more dramatically in 2024: $1.5 billion spent, easy win for the bogeyman. Voters dreaming of California governance are inadequate, so a Newsom presidency is not going to happen. Sensible voters will react to him as they would to a computerized mannequin with defective software. Newsom will then have no option but to return to the golden stage he debuted on (2004 – 2011) as mayor of San Francisco, whose once-picturesque sidewalks his mayoralty turned needle-festooned and stinky.

Long prosperous and beautiful, California has “progressed” into a debt-ridden, fire-scorched house of overpriced cards. Behold its high-speed rail system, budgeted in 2008 at $33 billion and scheduled for completion in 2020 but with not a single rail having yet been laid, yet still promised to be completed someday, somewhere north of $100 billion. Marvel at water policies that left fire hydrants with no water during raging wildfires. Try to understand the state welcoming floods of indigent illegal immigrants while taxpaying middle-class citizens, ignored economic refugees, fled.

Newsom will seek a new opportunity, and California will need to limit his opportunities for creating more disaster. It should create a harmless Director of Bureaucrat Management position for him. Make his mission cutting the state’s vast horde of bureaucrats by 2% over the next 10 years as the Democrats’ grand gesture of fiscal discipline. It won’t be hard to keep Gavin happy. He keeps smiling through anything.

2. Just give up on Los Angeles and re-elect Mayor Karen Bass.

Bad luck for California: Bass is eligible for re-election. She’s ready to provide L.A. more signature Bass governance like her international farce a year ago. She was living it up in Ghana and posing for photos at a cocktail party when a ruinous wildfire began forcing over 100,000 residents to flee their homes. Oops.

Let California be California here. Re-elect this woke joke of a mayor. The Democrat believers who elect such politicians are immune to the law of cause and effect. Much of the dry brush is already burned off. There is limited disaster left for Bass to fuel.

And if L.A. did move on to another mayor, it would likely be an even dimmer dimwit who keeps feeding ravenous government and ignoring real citizens.

Think that’s impossible? Think Chicago.

3. Re-imagine Disneyland.

Those Anaheim fantasy “lands” need updating. Main Street U.S.A., Adventureland, Frontierland, Grizzly Peak? C’mon, Disneyland needs attractions that are way more contemporary.

How about Global Entitlements Land? Virtually join CGI caravans of people with a driving dream of free food and shelter, free education and healthcare, free transportation and Netflix. On the Autopen Presidency Ride, these folks happily travel to the bliss of a California where taxpaying citizens support them (like it or not).

Have a magical time strolling through Throw Open the Prisons Land! Criminals just want to run free. Put a golden statue of George Soros out front.

And don’t miss Mr. Municipal’s Tax District Spookhouse. California shouldn’t keep trailing smaller Illinois’ nation-leading number of taxing entities (approximately 7,000, but nobody’s sure). Disneyland itself should be good for several new tax districts. Big, burly “Mr. Municipal” will excite the kids and make their tax-paying parents shriek in terror.

4. Give California’s middle class what it desperately needs: plenty of U-Hauls.

Try to imagine the bad luck of being in California’s middle class now — especially the privately employed middle class not protected by government positions with permanent benefits. Or imagine being a loud feminist in Iran. Or enjoying California sunshine but sinking in governmental quicksand.

These Californians, crushed by taxes that keep rising as the quality of life under incompetent government keeps shrinking, need something in high demand and low availability there: U-hauls to escape to Texas, Florida and other states not crippled by loony leftist government.

Since California has many programs, incentives, and special departments catering to its elite rich and dependent poor, why not one for its middle class? These folks are desperate to move to a state that doesn’t treat them like an easily tapped bank account.

Create a Department of U-Haul Access. Make moving vehicles subsidized and plentiful, like the benefits available to California’s poor and the special zoning and political representation quietly provided to California’s wealthy.

This new department will need a director, one who needn’t work hard but will let benefits be generously distributed. Hey, this might be an even better spot for Gavin!

5. Relocate California’s homeless.

The One-Party Playland has 12% of the U.S. population and 30% of its homeless. Sure, they’re sun-drenched homeless with access to compassionate programs, but their neighborhoods are burdened by rampant drug use and dangerous criminals. Must be bad luck.

These committed homeless Californians need more pleasant neighborhoods than Los Angeles’ Skid Row and San Francisco’s Tenderloin. Move them and their cardboard homes to better places: Silicon Valley, home of the technically progressive; and chi-chi neighborhoods like Beverly Hills and Hollywood Hills.

Just picture the beautiful Hills people luxuriating in the enclaves of digital dominion and showbiz opinion — now living side-by-side with the homeless legion of their sanctuary state! Isn’t that golden?

-30-

Bittinger grew up in the Chicago suburb Glen Ellyn, which still looks like the set of a 1950s Disney movie. He unwisely began working in advertising in Chicago, more unwisely passed up trying a newspaper career suggested by a wise Tribune executive, but did have op-eds published when newspapers still accepted wise-guy conservative commentary. He moved to Wisconsin when Chicago seemed to be turning into a big, shady pothole. In recent years he’s loved reading and writing for this website and, very recently, again wearing his Bears hoodie in public.

Comments 38

  1. Mr. B. has offered a very rational analysis of the situation. Unfortuneately, low information voters are not rational and, Mr. B’s opinion aside, Mr. Newsom WILL be elected in 2028. (The hair and the teeth are just way too appealling!!) If you insist on believing “That could never happen!!” I suggest you revist Chicago and New York.

  2. An entertaining column…..

    I was the Republican nominee against Newsom. California — along with Illinois – is a shining example of interest groups dictating what takes place. Newsom is an expert conductor; raising money from these groups, using it for media and directing government to do what those groups want. It’s no accident that California has shortages of water, energy and housing – certain groups benefit from that such as environmental lobbyists.

    California has 13 media markets and low information voters have turned off. I ran in order to reform the legislature by breaking up its huge legislative districts in more manageable pieces so interest groups wouldn’t control.

    Newsom will do the same things in Washington. That’s why we need to disempower the funders and media. That’s the only way to take back the government from the interest groups that control it.

    Read my book, The Newsom Nightmare, to learn more.

    http://www.hearthepeople.org.

    1. Pretty sure I get it – smaller districts, so faction can’t control the majority. Excellent!!!!!

      Where have I heard this before tho – answer, America’s founding, the Virginia piece at least.

  3. Fun way to start my morning Mr. B. Change a couple of details and you’re talking about JB, Illinois and Chicago with Mayor Johnson.

    How is it that elected reps on any level never face consequences for malfeasance. The damage some of these elitist jerks inflict on the (low/middle/upper) middle class taxpayers they were elected to REPRESENT. Somehow the word represent was swapped out with RULE.

    JB might be the most caring and benevolent man in the country (as could Gavin) but there’s a fine line between caring and careless. Overwhelming a states government with ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS (food, housing,education, healthcare) and expecting the taxpayers to fund your largesse puts the arrogance of these elitists on display.

  4. For the record I realize the fools in charge were elected to represent all in their domain. But the level of incompetence should alarm everyone and even those completely dependent on government benefits should understand that you can do much better on your own (if you are able) then you can living off government handouts. Unless you’re stealing.

  5. Hey! Our cat holds conversations with us all the time – but since she’s somewhere to the right of Rush Limbaugh, I think her advice is probably ok: she certainly does NOT want cats who don’t work for their kibble to share hers in a socialistic manner!

    Fun aside, great column, accurate analysis, and yes, Wisconsin is a much better place to live at this time – although I miss Chicago.

      1. Agreed – but since we can’t get everything, we are working on reducing the impact of both Madison and Milwaukee – and it still beats Illinois by far!

  6. Trump exists only due to the Democrats vapidness, issueless, corporate capture, and amorality. There’s no other way this clown would ever hold public office. Do any of you remember how they laughed at him when he first proposed running?

    The deficit is still exploding, the world is on fire, we subsidize murder and war all over the world. America First.

    But we have Biden, Obama, the Clinton’s, and Gavin Newsome to thank for Trump.

    At least the border is closed. But they are letting in HUGE numbers of HB1 visa workers instead of hiring OUR kids.

    The lesbian and the nurse in Minneapolis had it coming I guess.

    The rest of the world can dictate drug prices to the drug companies, but WE cannot, so we pay many time over what they pay in Canada and Europe.

    These two parties stink.

    Trump in 2028, why not?

    1. Voted for him three times, ONLY because the choices were much worse. On the Democrat side, there are a few good choices, but this mid term will decide which direction they want to go. I’m not going to hold my breath.
      The “hero” nurse was nothing of the kind. He was unemployed, vile, physically dangerous. He didn’t deserve what he got, but, one doesn’t go armed into this sort of violence. British face recognition proved that point. If you want a hero for your cause, you need to look elsewhere.

    2. I’m not sure exactly who the “they” were who laughed at Trump’s ambition, but if Mr. Maitano is referring to the plural and and not the confused “they”, I have to assume it’s the same “they” who now hallucinate and lie about him.

  7. Next 2 years are going to interesting, velly interesting, as the Kommadant said in Hogan’s Heros. As it stands now the public will vote out the GOP in 2026 in both House and Senate. Then the real circus begins. The Gestapo like tactics in MN, IL, ETC looks very bad. Instead of having daily press conferences listing all the illegal alien criminal crooks that were arrested and what crimes committed all we see every evening are Homeland Security wrestling people down. It’s a miracle more haven’t been shot dead. How much stress must these officers take from the mostly AWFL LESBO BRIGADE. How about some nice fire hoses turned on these aholes. Freeze them in mid demonstration mode. Or better yet, where are the German shepherds sinking their 2 inch teeth into an arm or leg. Nothing instills fear as a snarling shepherd pulling on its leash.
    The GOP will pay dearly in midterms. Do you think the legal Hispanics of this country will vote for GOP? Gimme a break. And when Dems take over both houses Trump will be defanged. LAME DUCK. Nothing could be worse. Worthless despot sitting on a useless throne. Ignored! Nothing of significance will be done to help the citizens of our country. Will he then institute Marshall law and suspend Habeas Corpus, like Lincoln did, ridding us of our guaranteed rights? Don’t think think he wouldn’t. Our version of Joseph Goebbels (sp?), Stephen Miller and his Vampira wife, I’m sure are telling him to do it. It will be a hot time in Ole house tonite. Yup I guarantee it.

    2. Yes, you’re probably right about the 2026 election. Appointing Kristy Noem head of Homeland Security was a really bad move. She’d likely screw up a three-car funeral. In this case she took a hugely favorable Republican issue – the border and immigration – and turn it around 180 degrees in less than a year.
      As for David B’s assertion that Newsome can’t win in 2028 because he’s like Kamala, I think that is wishful thinking. He’s much more savvy than Harris and won’t come across as the village idiot. I’m not predicting 2028, but just saying he can’t be dismissed.

      1. Agreed, 100%. The political incompetence of the Trump administration is stunning. In Minnesota he was handed winning political gold: a likely multibillion dollar welfare fraud possibly involving the governor and a US Congressperson. Rather than run with this guaranteed winner, what does this administration do? It deploys a huge enormous ICE task force to round up illegal immigrants. And in so doing – given the predictable chaos that would ensue – flips the whole f’n narrative 180 degrees, as you point out. Now in terms of illegals Minnesota is the proverbial flea on the elephant’s butt when compared to Texas or Florida. And in those latter two states their governors and their local police are 100% supportive of the administration’s deportation politics. And pursuing the Minnesota fraud charges in court would have kept this on the “front page” for weeks (maybe longer) and likely avoided tow high profile killings (regardless whether they deserved it or not). Trump could have had his “cake and eat it too” rather than the self induce BS he has now. And that is why oily Gavin – as you imply – lives on; and maybe all the way to the WH.

      2. Yeah, I have no sympathy for Renee Good and maybe a little bit of sympathy for Alex Pretti. But pulling a disabled woman out of her car? That is a really bad look. My guess is that once the dog killer Kristi Noem learned Minneapolis wouldn’t open their jails and their law enforcement would not cooperate, her response was, “oh yeah, I’ll show you”. So she sent 3000 ICE/border patrol agents in a city that has 600 police officers.

  10. Bob Brinker on WLS often used to say that we have the best government money can buy. The best we can hope for is gridlock. One party in the White House, the other in at least once of the houses of Congress. That way they can’t do anything to hurt us.

    These tow parties are two cheeks of the same backside. I think Gridlock is the best we can hope for.

    I’m astounded at the cope, and the idiocy of everyone forgetting about Epstein. That’s the key. Money laundering, black mail, deep state. Israel Mossad, CIA. They killed the Kirk kid over it as he was about to alert miltiRY agree men to the scam.

  12. Brilliant skewering of California. California seems to be a favorite subject of Mr. Bittinger. “Some of them have long conversations with cats.” Pure gold.

    Regarding the comments here about “his hairfulness” becoming the next Prez, I’m not too worried about it. Yes, he is a savvy politician, but so is Hillary. Voters have grown weary of savvy politicians, which is why Trump, who never tests or tweaks his “message” with focus groups, continues to stun the political class. Everyone knows how poorly run CA is. It has been a year since the fires, and only one house has been rebuilt in Pacific Palisades. Hollywood did much to shape the liberalism of the Boomers, but Hollywood’s influence has dramatically waned. Starting in 2029, the Oscars will be on YouTube. HAH!

    Also, Gen Z may be the most conservative generation in 60 years. Like Gen X (me), they are practical. Unlike Millenials Renee Good and Alex Pretti, they don’t imagine themselves as the heroes in their own movies. They just want jobs and a chance at a decent life.

    1. Thanks for your review, Mr. Poggio, and for recalling my earlier California column.

      On the subject of “pure gold,” I’d cite your 24K comment on people who “imagine themselves as the heroes in their own movies.” Leftist valor — all huffy and fake! That observation might also explain some of the awful movies Hollywood produces now.

    2. Thanks for the piece. Started traveling to So. Cal. in the 70s on business. Over the years, I’ve watched a state close to paradise revolve itself into a rat hole of epic proportions. My only one worthwhile suggestion is any illegal arrested in a sanctuary state or city, is automatically sent to California.

  13. David,
    Would love to see Newsome and our very own Gov Dumbo run on “their records!” But then, we’d have to sort thru all the mainstream media tripe, to find an “anti” dem article against their stellar leadership in their states. These are the results of voter apathy. Voters that are too dumb or lazy to do some research into the candidates for which they’ll be casting a vote….or not even voting, which is worse. Social media apps have killed our desire for seeking truth, and dulled our senses into thinking everything online is actually real, and/or true!!! See what happened in Chicago when less than 30% of voters actually came out and voted for Mayor Pannix! I surmise the old adage is true – we get the government we deserve! Nothing will change in California or Illinois, or other blue states/cities, unless voters finally get mad enough, get off their butts, and go vote down the socialists that are spewing their “fairness” BS. See how that worked out in the Soviet Union, and now even in some European countries.

    1. Leo,
      Your criticisms of social media, mainstream media, and Chicago’s CTU mayor are all entirely right. But I’m not sure we’ll get out of this government-directed mess by voters who “get mad.” Much of the blue-state base still voting is already deeply and obtusely mad — at the president who has dared to push back against the deep state. And those blue believers not reading the “news” written by aspiring Woodward-Bernsteins (many of them indoctrinated by that journalistic divinity school in Evanston) are watching “Morning Joe” and becoming more zombified daily.

      1. They’d be voting against their self interest. Either as a government employed patronage army member or as someone getting all the free government benefits they are promised for their votes. And in Illinois, the Combine Democan/Republicrat members are all about what benefits them.

  14. Voters in California and Illinois will not wake up. Anne Marie Newman (D-3rd) who was caught buying off an opponent, but was lucky that she had yet to take an oath of office. She was replaced by an equally vapid person in Sean Casten when the 3rd District was gerrymandered in the new 6th District. Deliah Ramirez …… is now 3rd District Congress-critter,

    Newman was a dope and a grifter but still endorses candidates and low-information voters back her play.

    Until things are a roaring dumpster fire expect no change in things.

    Morons and Zombies Coexist! https://ballotpedia.org/Endorsements_by_Marie_Newman

  15. David. You are violating the fundamental rule in combat sports, which applies equally to politics: never underestimate your opponent. Sure oily Gavin is a repulsive reptilian creature. But he looks good on TV (as opposed to the hippo sized Pritzker creature). And he is much smarter and astute than the proven idiot Kamala (who by the way came nearly captured one half of the electorate in 2024). And given the Trump’s team proclivity of turning political gold into political dross (see Minnesota) I would not be surprised if Gavin and his fellow leftist lunatics capture the House and Senate in 2026 and then the big prize: the Presidency in 2028.

  16. Great column David, a wise man once said ” never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”. This would explain the paradox of the modern “Socialist/Communist Democrat Party” right now. With their allies in the Leftist Mass Media they will paint Newsom as the Second Coming of He Who Will Save Us All AKA…the White Barack Obama. He will hence be annointed as Barack Newsome. All of the great things He has done to save California will be highlighted by our complicit media to try to drag him over the finish line just like Kamala Harris. Even if there is nothing to point to as being beneficial to Californians but also society as a whole. His dismal failures will be portrayed as victories, His financial losses will be portrayed as monetary gains. Bad policy will be hailed as massive success. It will be hilarious to see the spin they will put on his
    ” accomplishments ” just like the spin they did with Kamala Harris . This level of bullshittery could only come from Hollywood. Too bad they can’t use it to come up with a decent script to get people to movie theaters again. There is hope though. It’s starting to look like the next Republican ticket will be J.D.Vance and Marco Rubio. This might be enough of a common sense ticket to defeat the Socialist/ Communist Democrats. Either one of these guys would ABSOLUTELY DECIMATE Himbo Newsom or Windbag JB ” The Hutt” Pritzker on a debate stage. Then again, as a wise man once said, ” never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups…”

    1. Yes, Enrique, and that’s the problem. David clearly is underestimating “the power of stupid people in large groups” (see Chicago, see NYC). Anyway, that statement will soon be tested again in another nine months or so.

  18. “If you’re going to San Francisco
    Be sure to wear your rubbers on your feet
    If you’re going to San Francisco
    You’re gonna dodge those needles on the street…”

  19. CALIFORNIA Dreamin’

    (Chorus)
    All the leaves are brown
    All the leaves are brown
    And the sky is gray
    And the sky is gray
    I’ve been for a walk
    I’ve been for a walk
    On a winter’s day
    On a winters day
    I’d be safe and warm if I had my Glock in LA
    If I had my Glock in LA
    California dreamin’
    California dreamin’
    On such a winter’s day

    (Verse)
    Stopped into a church
    I passed along the way
    Well I got down on my knees
    Got down on my knees
    And shouted ICE is here to stay
    You know the Preacher liked the cold for he was ICE I say
    He knows I’m not leavin’, I’m gonna stay
    California dreamin’
    California dreamin’
    On such a winter’s day

    FLUTE Solo

    (Chorus)
    All the leaves are brown
    All the leaves are brown
    And the sky is gray
    And the sky is gray
    I’ve been for a walk
    I’ve been for a walk
    On a winter’s day
    On a winters day
    Since I told Don Lemon
    Since I told Don Lemon
    I can’t leave today
    California dreamin’
    California dreamin’
    On such a winter’s day
    California dreamin’
    On such a winter’s day
    California dreamin’
    On such a winter’s day

    With Apologies to John and Michelle Phillips

  20. Perhaps relocate the homeless and qualified undocumented illegal immigrants to the homes of bruce spirngsteen, john leguzamo and ed norton. We can set up shanty towns in their gateless gated communities, (no fences, right?) and allow them free and easy access inside their homes. After all, it’s cruel and barbaric to deny anyone of absolutely anything.

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