You’ve Got to Be a Football Player

By Cory Franklin

Wednesday September 30th, 2026

Scene: The magnificent top-floor office of world-class sports agent, Sheldrake. Sitting in a Birmingham leather chair at his priceless cherrywood desk, he surveys the city. On  his desk is a picture of him with the cast of the movie Jerry Maguire. The photo is personally autographed by Tom Cruise, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Renee Zellweger.  The office reeks of money.

His secretary buzzes in his first appointment, Luther “Boom Boom” Jackson, long-time college athlete, who shakes his hand vigorously.

“Sheldrake’s the name. What can I do for you?”

“You can call me Boom Boom. I need an agent.”

Sheldrake, surprised, says “I heard you were 29. Isn’t your college career over? What’s your story?”

“I was recruited out of high school by USC to be a quarterback. They paid me a lot of money and you know how SC girls dig quarterbacks.

“Yes. How much did they pay you?”

“Don’t ask. A lot.”

This interests Sheldrake and he asks, “What happened then?”

“Transferred to Texas my sophomore year. Got me some of that Texas oil money. Lots of oil money. More than USC gave me. They made me a wide receiver. That was OK. Less stress on the body.”

“Why did you leave Texas?

“The atmosphere in Austin wasn’t intellectual enough. I wanted to go somewhere there were people with big brains.  So, I moved to THE Ohio State in Columbus. That THE was a tip off it was a place with brains. Plus, those Big Ten Buckeye boosters really pay. They put me on defense, made me a safety.”

“How about your senior year?”

“I moved to South Bend, Notre Dame. You know you can’t go wrong with Touchdown Jesus. And those Notre Dame fans really like football. You’d be amazed how much they are willing to pay for a good team. More money than I’d ever seen. At that point, I was bulking up so they made me a tight end.”

“That’s four years. Wasn’t that the end of your college career?”

Boom Boom chuckled. “Not by a longshot. I became a fifth-year senior transfer at Alabama. Heart of the SEC and they sure pass out the cash in Dixie. Always have, they’re famous for it. Roll Tide. They turned me into a linebacker.”

“Was that it?”

“Nope. Got another year of eligibility. So, I transferred to Miami. South Florida has some big money boosters you wouldn’t believe. Only problem was my weight was going up and I had to become a kicker. They don’t get paid as much. But the sunshine and women in bikinis more than made up for it.

“So is your football career over now?”

“Maybe. I’m getting some feelers from LSU. They like players with experience and they know how to pull strings down there in the bayou. Love that Cajun food. We’ll see what pans out.”

“What are you doing now?”

“I’m taking classes at Harvard. Figured I’d polish my resume while I wait for LSU.”

“Interesting. Are you making any money?”

“These Ivy League guys are behind the times. Don’t pay athletes. But I’m picking up some spare cash attending protests in Harvard Yard. It doesn’t pay much but the girls love protestors.”

“What are you studying?”

“Studying? You weren’t listening. I said I was taking classes, not studying. That’s the great thing about Harvard- you don’t have to study to get credits. I’ve got professors giving me credits for going to protests. But since you ask, I’m taking some tough classes, stuff they don’t even offer at THE Ohio State.  “Chinese Imaginary Art” and “The Iconography of Harry Potter.”

“I’m still not sure why you want to hire me?”

“I’m glad you asked. In case the LSU football thing doesn’t work out, I’m planning on playing college basketball.”

“Basketball?”

“Yeah, I played some point guard in high school and I heard Florida is looking for a point guard. I’ll lose 40 pounds and I’ve got it all worked out. Florida is SEC,  lots of wealthy boosters in Gainesville willing to pay. And it’s Florida, more sunshine and pretty girls. Two years there,  then I plan on moving to the big time.”

“The big time? What’s the big time?”

“What else? Duke, of course. After that, I’ll be fixed for life. So will my grandkids.”

If nothing else, Sheldrake was impressed with Boom Boom’s initiative and his nakedly mercenary approach to the whole enterprise. This kid would probably make a great agent someday, he thought.

“Well, I’ll work on drawing up the papers.”

Boom Boom shook his hand to seal the deal. As he was leaving the office, Sheldrake asked him one last question.

“Boom Boom, I’ve got to ask you one thing. With all that football you’ve played, why didn’t you just turn pro, declare for the NFL and enter the draft?

His new client looked at him like he was from Mars.

“What? Are you crazy? Turn pro? And take a pay cut? “

As he closed the door behind Boom Boom, Sheldrake thought, “yep, someday that kid will make a helluva agent.”

-30-

Dr. Cory Franklin

Cory Franklin, physician and writer, is a frequent contributor to johnkassnews.com. Director of Medical Intensive Care at Cook County (Illinois) Hospital for 25 years, before retiring he wrote over 80 medical articles, chapters, abstracts, and correspondences in books and professional journals, including the New England Journal of Medicine and JAMA. In 1999, he was awarded the Shubin-Weil Award, one of only fifty people ever honored as a national role model for the practice and teaching of intensive care medicine. 

Since retirement, Dr. Franklin has been a contributor to the Chicago Tribune op-ed page. His work has been published in the New York Times, New York Post, Washington Post, Chicago Sun-Times and excerpted in the New York Review of Books. Internationally, his work has appeared internationally in Spiked, The Guardian and The Jerusalem Post. For nine years he hosted a weekly audio podcast, Rememberingthepassed, which discusses the obituaries of notable people who have died recently. His 2015 book “Cook County ICU: 30 Years Of Unforgettable Patients and Odd Cases” was a medical history best-seller. In 2024, he co-authored The COVID Diaries: Anatomy of a Contagion As it Happened.

In 1993, he worked as a technical advisor to Harrison Ford and was a role model for the physician character Ford played in the film, The Fugitive.

Comments 17

  6. Excellent diagnosis by Doctor Franklin of a sport suffering from chronic greed. Fans want fair play among taxpayer-supported universities.
    Consider NCAA powerhouse Louisiana State University; winner of four national championships. The Tigers produced 3 Heisman winners, including QB Jayden Daniels. He broke many records in his spectacular rookie season. But the next year injuries derailed his career.
    Suppose Jayden decides to return to college football. LSU would be the logical choice, not far from the Super Dome spotlight.

    The Tigers have the perfect coach for this type of manipulation. Lane Kiffin has shown over and over he lacks professional ethics.
    Kiffin was knee-deep in the USC-Reggie Bush scandal that caused the school to vacate its twelve wins in 2005. After hop-scotching to the pros, he was fired by Al Davis for “bringing disgrace to the Oakland Raiders organization.” LOL

    Trouble followed Kiffin to Tennessee where he was reprimanded by the Southeastern Conference for false accusations against another head coach. At Alabama he was fired just before a bowl game for secretly signing with a rival team.
    Lane Kiffin is the driving force behind NCAA’s scheme to fortify teams with former NFL players. We should expect scandal and disgrace.

  7. Nice call-out Doc! A bill, sponsored by Senator Cruz, passed the Senate that would at least somewhat limit the insanity of this all. However, typical Dem weenies, Cory Booker and Chris Murphy, expressed outrage that such a bill would once again oppress these poor, mostly black athletes once again. So, it’s doubtful that the bill will pass the house. You can’t make this kind of stupidity up.

  8. Hey it Capitalism, not greed. Besides ‘greed is good’ as Michael Douglas’ said. Whadda yous guys want? CCC?, Chinky Charlie Communism? Ain’t yous guys red blooded Americans?
    It’s dog eat dog world, the Capitalistic way. Buyer be ware. Don’t want no Weak Wristed Woke Socialism, do ya.

  9. I like pro football, but to me that’s the NFL. Given all the college money being sprayed to to moneymaker college athletes (football, basketball, etc.), I’m scratching my head about why I should continue to donate to my alma mater if it’s just going to be pi**ed away on pro athletes. And don’t tell me donations are ring-fenced to a certain part of the budget such as scholarships. Higher learning is getting greedy and continues to veer, in my opinion, way out off their purpose of higher learning. With all the money involved, perhaps it is time for a public discussion about whether their collegiate-pro athletics revenue should be taxed just like the big boys in the NFL?

  10. When most of the Iowa State football team defected to Penn State along with Matt Campbell, I lost all interest in college athletics. I knew these athletes didn’t actually matriculate their way through school. I accepted this. I can tolerate no more.

  11. Loved this column, as all of you I have seen the college sports world change and not for the better. The big schools of which my alma mater is one continue to stack talent that could otherwise be playing for lesser competitors. I don’t know what is in the new Senate bill but until the players are under contract for a couple of years at least, we will see the portal stay active. You have to play to get noticed so you can eventually get to the NFL or NBA etc.
    I think a contract for 2 years minimum unless the coach leaves or gets fired should be the starting point. If the coach leaves you can leave as the new coach will want his own recruits to play.

  12. While some of this letter may be fictional, the part about Harvard is correct.

    I recall my sister taking classes, but seldom studying, while she earned her dual masters degrees in gardening and religion in like a comfortable 5 years.

    And our entire family suffers now.

    Harvard will be squarely behind the DSA or whatever else keeps them superficially relevant. That being the only thing that little college seems to have ever known

  13. This is just a logical outcome of what came before: the professionalism of amateur college sports. After all, with coaches making millions and colleges making tens if not hundreds of millions off their “amateur student” athletes, specifically those in football and basketball, would you call that? The only ones left out of this gravy train were the student athletes themselves. But thanks in part to the Supreme Court (NCAA v Alston, 2021) that is no longer the case. Now the “workers” – the student athletes, the guys who kept the whole multimillion dollar enterprise chugging along for “peanuts” – can partake in the riches as well. If it’s so bad, then the market will fix it. If it’s not, then it won’t. And right now it seems as if the market – despite some misgivings as expressed by Dr. Franklin – is thrilled with the outcome.

  14. In 1978 Woody Hayes one of the most successful and iconic coaches in the history of college football had a salary of approx. $45K. At that time the average American yearly wage was approx. $10.5K. So Coach Hayes was earning a little over 4X the average American wage earner. In 2024 the head coaches of the four power football conferences – Big10, ACC, Big12, SEC – had an average salary of $6.9M. The average yearly American wage was $70K. So now the average salary of a head football coach in a power conference is 90X the salary of the average American wage earner. My point is college football is a big business – and has been for quite a while – and that it’s about time to finally acknowledge said reality, and pay the very people (the “student” athletes) who made all this enormous wealth possible for the head coaches and their schools. That’s the American way. And if you don’t like it, no one is forcing you to buy the product.

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