Behold, the Return of the Golden Moutza of the Month

By John Kass

Sept. 1,2023

If truth be told (and why else would I be here?) most sequels aren’t all that exciting.

Hollywood was once known as Tinseltown, but it really should be called Derivative Ville, since little there is original, and everything in what is called the movie industry is derived from something else. The stock is quite thin, like weak chicken feet broth.

Can you really sit through another “Jason Bourne” movie?

Some sequels are decent, like “The Return of the King,” “Return of the Jedi” and “Return of the Magnificent Seven” also “Return of the Native” and “Return of Martin Guerre,” the sad tale of a 16th Century illiterate French peasant executed for impersonating another illiterate French peasant.

Who wants to go out after that movie for pie and coffee?

But what about the most amazing “Return” of all? “The Return of the Golden Moutza of the Month.”

Many of you, from my friends Steve the Pilot and Eve the Cop and others, think that this is a signal that after a crappy year health-wise, that I’m finally feeling better.

Yes, the Golden Moutza is back in all its glory.

Loyal readers know how this works: toward the end of the month I’ll post the call on social media.

Make your nomination like proud Americans used to do once, speaking their mind, or letting their hand do the talking, without fear of the Jacobin trolls. We are not the Mensheviks.

And who knows? Can this old-fashioned notion of “American Free Speech” make a comeback here in America?

Yes it can.

“The mayor, if we can call him that,” writes Carrie Nahabedian, my favorite chef in all the world in making her nomination. “An Embarrassment.”

Nah!

Bingo!

Chicago’s Marxist mayor is indeed an embarrassment and led in a landslide.

From the Moutza hand of car aficionado Paul Brian.

“Brandon Johnson blaming Kia & Hyundai for rising car theft rates is akin to blaming Old Country Buffet for Lizzo not looking like Halle Berry,” writes Brian. “This is idiocy beyond comprehension.”

The idiocy beyond comprehension is that this de-funder (or re-imaginer) of police who looks  ridiculously like Lenin was elected during a crime wave. The chin beards bear striking similarity.

Rather than play cheap tricks on the gullible media to gain publicity, how about doing something real about rising Chicago crime?

Johnson should blame the idiots at Chicago Teachers Union Local 1 for CTU shutting down schools for two years. The CTU grew thousands of young criminals in those classrooms shuttered by fear. And for a man who prattles in his empty suit about accountability, That’s accountability Brandon.

Moutza their asses. Or indict their asses, Brandon. You’re the mayor. Demand action of Cook County political Boss Toni Preckwinkle.

Oh, I forgot. You’re on CTU’s payroll.

Maybe you’ll forgive them and let them bring guns to the ballparks?

“Moutza to sweetheart deals and double dippers of the Illinois state pension system,” says taxpayer advocate Tom Winike. “Michael Madigan’s loyal yes-man Steven Landek landed a cozy appointment that will sweeten his pension and keep him quiet while Madigan is on trial. After decades as mayor of Bridgeview and the Illinois Senate, Landek will enjoy a double dip of pension dollars, Now he gets a triple-dip, with new pension credits for serving on Pritzker’s Finance Board. But Landek is no financial wiz. He crippled his taxpayers with enormous debt to build Seat Geek Stadium. Bloomberg reported the village of Bridgeview had $260 million of general obligation debt, ‘much of it tied to the stadium.’ That notorious money pit is Landek’s pet project. Nah.”

But soccer is good Tom Winike, isn’t it? It’s the Beautiful Game.

“You’re back! Wonderful,” writes reader Una Copley Goldie. “Deserving of The Golden Moutza, I nominate this clown, M. Kaleo, who should never again hold a job title of ‘practitioner or management’. Blow on that and be sentenced to soak up common sense with a dunce cap on.

Nah!

In a livestream debate  hosted by the University of Hawaii last year, M. Kaleo Manuel who is then Deputy Director of Hawaii Commission on Water Resource Management made it clear that he believed water was a sacred god.

“Let water connect us and not divide us,” said he. “We can share it , but it requires true conversations about equity… How do we coexist with the resources we have?”

Here’s how: When fires were raging on Maui, and people were begging for water to fight the fires, M. Kaleo Manuel refused to release the water. An entire town burned to cinders and hundreds lost their lives. Because his religion was control of natural resources, because his religion was politics, because it was about exerting power over others. All that tragedy was avoidable if he didn’t treat water like his sacred god.

The political left in this country are rather like Tom and Daisey Buchanan of “The Great Gatsby.” They can crush people with a car, smiling, laughing and chattering and never thinking of the damage in their wake. The Golden Moutza is about philosophy of life, but on this first day back I’m determined to let freedom ring, because “I am a river to my people!!!”

They demand the moutza go to the Mayor of Chicago, and no matter how many leftist heads explode when reading this column, the readers are Americans and deserve a right to speak.

“Mayor BJ of The Marxist Mafia,” nominated Leon S. Benson. “No demonizing criminals?!” NAH. Blow on it”.

“Oh John Kass this one is too easy,” said Lou Berardi. ” It’s gotta be Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson for trying to deflect attention from his inability to stop car thefts by suing Kia, blaming it on the manufacturers. Hey BJ NAH! This Moutza is for you.”

It is too easy.  But you wanted to be mayor, Brandon Johnson. You’re the creature of  CTU but they won’t help you now. Lift up your chin lest we have to grab you by your beard. Look up here, a gift from the people for an arrogant empty suit. The Golden Moutza for the month of August is all yours. You deserve it.

NAH! Blow on it. Feesah Etho!

-30-

 

 

Comments 49

  4. Not even an honorable mention to Maria Hadden? She’s the 49th ward aldercreature who wanted to propose “The Peoples Ordinance” asking the bangers not to shoot between the hours of 9a and 9p.

    Oh, Chicago, how far you’ve fallen.

  5. The Chicago voters that didn’t vote, well over 50%, they gave us BLM Brandon. NAH! We don’t blame the toddler for getting hurt with the fireworks and match given to them by the adult, we blame the adult. BLM Brandon is an idiot child.
    His policies are going to get a lot of Black and brown kids killed. The non-voters (and his supporters) are liable.

    3. Delighted you’re back for real, Kass!

      Have to agree with Mr Berardi: Those who put the corrupt in positions of power are accomplices. Yet, they will play the victim card when it all comes tumbling down.

      (I don’t know where else to put this, and you can certainly delete this comment once you’ve corrected it, but perhaps your editor could use a mini-Moutza for redundancy?)

    4. I loved the way Brandon Johnson pulled Fred Waller away from the microphone when reporters were demanding answers about the shooting at GR Field. “C’mon, don’t say no more.” A sure sign of a cover-up. By the way, we STILL don’t know anything! Lin Strzelczyk

    6. Chgo is beyond rock bottom. Will never return just like: Baltimore, Philly, Camden, Detroit, Cleveland, St. Louis, New Orleans, and on and on. I lived in city for 40yrs, visited my mother there daily for next 30yrs. It’s lost its middle class, never to return. That’s what made it great. It’s now rich and poor with scattering of middle class. We all will be dead and buried and the city will the same: dangerous, expensive and unlivable.

  9. Thank goodness the Moutza is back! The problem is that so many are worthy of it that making a single choice is difficult, but I have complete faith in my fellow loyal readers to do so.

  10. The Chicago Teachers Union flexed its ruling muscles in shutting down their remedial school system during Covid hysteria, then gave Chicago the mayor who preaches that thugs shouldn’t be demonized.

    Shouldn’t Brandon Jr. extend his bosses’ tradition now and shut down all of Chicago for a long spell? Chicago has already shut down The Bean. Nobody would notice city workers not working, and they could just “go remote.”

    And “youth who have otherwise been starved of opportunities in their own communities” will sure appreciate a closed Chicago. They might stage a street celebration or two.

    We White Sox fans would be especially grateful.

  11. Nah, Hollywood has always been unoriginal. Eg. Charles Dickens book a christmas card about Ebeneezer Scrooge has numerous movies made about it even to the 1980s/1990s. Even in the days of radio, many shows had the same theme, when you check them out, its the same writers doing different chows across different networks. Even when its the same network, they re-write stories and produce thema gain, very unoriginal.

  13. Have to agree with H Young. BJ will collect mour golden hands or at least nominations than any other going forward. After enduring L2’s disaster, Chicago voters went with the “Hey bubba, hold my beer” candidate. I weep for my city. Da Mare and Richie must be apoplectic at what has happened to Chicago. At least the city worked and crime in the streets was under better control. BJ is an empty suit for sure.

  14. JK,
    Like physical therapy, your first Golden depended on a relatively “easy lift”, which is helpful to build strength and endurance.

    Thanks to Chicago’s “mayor”, you came through in fine fettle, and so your loyal readership is strangely beholden to BJ for providing that first rung on the ladder back to full strength.

    Chicago offers a fertile field for future GM’s, I’m afraid, and your real challenge will be how to AVOID the easy, low-hanging fruit Johnson represents.

    I suspect that this upcoming election cycle will produce a Bumper Crop of MoutzaMorons from which to choose, and so you must be cautioned to “not over do it.

    But here’s a thought: perhaps, when circumstances warrant, you offer Two Moutza’s.

    You can call the second a “Blue Moon Moutza”.

    God save the Queen.

  18. I honestly could not be bothered to make a nomination in this “return of the Moutza” contest because it seemed like jumping on the bandwagon without an instrument to nominate the imbecilic mayor of the city I once lived in. He was a shoo in, so why bother? I don’t live there anymore and I do not feel any compassion for the people who voted for him. They get what they deserve. Those who can flee, but don’t, are incapable of rational thought anyway. Let them eat rats. They will never starve in the city that once was great.

  19. Thankfully I live in the same glorious NWI area as John… Anyway, you picked the correct person for the Golden Moutza! Many are deserving, but only one can win. On that note, secondary Moutzas should be given to all the citizens of that once great city who did NOT turn out to vote in the mayoral election. Apparently, they gave up, or just don’t care anymore.

  21. We should include the Governor of Michigan for her defiling the beautiful Greek language in an email to hid the results of lead in the water of Benton Harbor so a FIA search wouldn’t find it. NAH!!

  23. Good morning John.

    Always right on, and always for the people. Sad that the Unions under the direction of Obama are running the City and the State and the Governor and Mayor are puppets. The Mayor did not win, the stuffed the mail in Ballots when they needed then and Vallas knew that he would lose and that is why he conceited the Vote. The Country is run by people that have no business experience, have no education they are just friends of the Obama Administration and they have no credentials.. Moutza to the Liberals, the Obamas, Biden is lost, and always Hollywood, and the best TEACHERS UNIONS. They have ruined Education for GREE, POWER AND PENSION FOLKS. WAKE UP AMERICA.

  24. It’s Brandon Johnson of course, but the CTU put him in play, and the governor and the legislature ceded so much power to them in exchange for cash and political foot soldiers.

    In descending order
    Legislature
    Pritzker
    CTU and all the other public employee unions
    Brandon
    Tribune and Sun Times for failing to report accurately and honestly

    Nah!

  25. A well-delivered Moutza, hitting like a fastball into the mitt. Governor Commodious Deleteus and Brandon are going to be a Moutza dynasty for the next couple years I predict.

  26. MORE MOUTZAS JOHN! Surely you have sources in Chicago media that can get to the bottom of WHO DID THE SHOOTING AT THE WHITE SOX GAME AND WHY AREN’T THEY CHARGED FOR THE SHOOTING? It should be at least a felony Reckless Conduct charge. If it were anyone other than the alleged teacher that smuggled the weapon into the park, that person would be sitting in Cook County jail with an excessive bond. Brandon’s people apparently don’t get this treatment. Teachers union members oppose guns and the mayhem guns are responsible for. Unless they’re the ones committing the mayhem. The person who brought in the gun is known and hasn’t been charged yet. WHY? Is Trump correct when he says there is a two tiered system of justice? The justice system works if you’re aunion teacher or named Biden apparently. Mayor BJ( is better) grabbed his Police Superintendent by the arm and led him away from the podium when the questions started coming in fast and furious the other day. It’s apparent that there was a BIG HOLE in White Sox gate security which has ramifications on a national scale when you think of public safety in large venues. Yet compliant Chicago media politely sits on the story until it blows over. Lets manufacture a new outrage to replace the old one. Keep moving Chumbalones, nothing to see here…

    1. If you aren’t going to prosecute those who use guns on purpose to hijack cars and shoot each other in turf wars why would you prosecute this morbidly obese lady who is so frightened for her safety that she carries heat in her fat folds wherever she goes? No one who isn’t a teacher is “sitting in Cook County jail with excessive bail” for anything short of murder. (or even then, probably)
      The idea that there is such a system anymore is hopelessly out-dated. BTW, I’m not defending this lady in any way. And I’m certainly not defending the CTU or their criminal cabal.

  30. The moutza should be awarded to those useless,lazy,ignorant Morons who didn’t vote in mayoral election………giving us a double digit IQ mayor who is almost as incompetents sas our senile crooked president.

  34. Agreed on the nomination. I forget if the GM can be given to a recipient multiple times or are there term limits. Much of Mr. Kass’ writing reminds us of the failure of Chicago mainstream news coverage. I happen to be watching the Fox 32 news last week and listened to this pile of tripe from a “very probing” journalist. follow this link if you can stomach the content: https://www.fox32chicago.com/video/1270876

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