By John Kass

August 2, 2023

I’ve never quite been able to tell a child—their eyes full of stardust and desperately hoping to believe in magic—about what exactly happens to the canary.

And I never will tell.

I happen to love canaries and someday I’d like to keep a few in cages around our patio, with plenty of fresh water and shade, to protect the songbirds.

In the trick called “The Vanishing Bird Cage,” the audience sees and hears the magician slamming black lacquered boxes flat—the canary disappears—and the magician keeps slamming and searching, but the canary is gone!

Don’t worry kids—the magician sells the illusion of the vanished canary—and the bird reappears Presto! Changeo!!! It’s all an illusion!

Which reminds me of the latest iteration of the Joe Biden story on pro-Joe CNN, which appeared after left-wing media finally got its story straight, following the closed-door Congressional testimony of Devon Archer, who once was presidential son Hunter Biden’s business partner.

“Former business partner says Hunter Biden sold ‘illusion’ of access to Joe Biden, source says”

What? Archer testified that Hunter put Joe on the speakerphone so business associates could hear big daddy—or pardon me, “the Big Guy” stop and say hello. And why was this?

Well, because,  Hunter Biden only sold the “illusion” of selling access to Joe, at least according to Democrat Dan Goldman. It wasn’t selling real access, just the “illusion” of access. This business of selling illusions is a sniveler’s trick. And when it comes to Joe Biden and the Democrats who protect him and the mainstream corporate media that ignores the news to help Joe with their flaccid incuriosity, there are more magicians than the Republic can bear.

And they keep indicting Donald Trump and wonder if they’re a mountain out of their molehill.

Trump’s most recent indictment was purely political. His crime, believing the 2020 election was “rigged.” Democrats like Hillary Clinton and Stacey Abrams are encouraged to believe in rigged elections when Democrats lose and say so publicly, in speeches, in op-eds of woke newspapers, on MSNBC and to Joe and Mika and lionized as heroes in news columns penned by Bolshevik suck-ups .

But if Republicans lose and call an election “rigged” they will be hounded by media (that does most of the rigging) to the gates of hell and the Department of Justice that turns political talk into crime.

And according to U.S. Rep Dan Goldman, D. New York who heard Devon Archer testify about the clout pageant, Hunter Biden did put his father on speaker phone in the presence of business partners at least 20 different times. Selling access obvious to anyone but a low-information Democrat, but oddly, business was never discussed, the unctuously pro-Biden CNN reported on Tuesday.

Whew! Democrats must sleep better knowing that “business was never discussed,” even though that really doesn’t matter. Business was never discussed? Really? You believe that? Are you all a bunch of chumbolones? Must you not only wear the fright wig and floppy shoes but all the trappings of a clown, too? And wet your pants for cheap laughs?

We already know that Hunter and his friend Archer were paid ridiculous sums to sit on the board of natural gas Ukrainian oil giant Burisma, and we also knew for a fact that oligarchs who ran Burisma wanted to rid themselves of Viktor Shokin, the prosecutor and stone in their shoe.

We also know for a fact that Biden went to Ukraine to talk to legislators there as “point man” for his boss, President Barak Obama to seed the ground for the prosecutor’s removal.

And Biden later bragged that he pressured Ukraine into firing Shokin. It was a pure gangster move, something the Chicago Outfit with all of its connections would appreciate, which is why I began comparing Biden and The Delaware Way to The Chicago Way and the American Way.

He made his brag and put the noose around his neck in a video taped session with The Council On Foreign Relations that was later posted and transcribed by my friends at Real Clear Politics. Joe Biden threatened to with hold a billion dollars if Ukraine did not fire the meddlesome prosecutor.

“I said, ‘You’re not getting the billion.’ I’m going to be leaving here in, I think it was about six hours. I looked at them and said: ‘I’m leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor is not fired, you’re not getting the money,’” Biden recalled telling Poroshenko. “Well, son of a bitch, he got fired. And they put in place someone who was solid at the time.”

The way Biden said “son of a bitch” was fascinating, like the way he angrily challenged an Iowa voter to a pushup contest in his dog-faced-pony-soldier phase. How many tough guys tell you they’re tough? Zero. How many rich guys brag on their cash? It doesn’t happen. If Joe does go down for this he’ll yearn, eyes full of water, an evil sentimental old man, that he’s just too old to take it anymore.

Back then, during his brag, Biden told the Council On Foreign Relations event, insisting that President Obama was in on the threat. But now it seems that the Saint Barack was an accessory to a felony of the shakedown. Any Washington journos who brag that they “speak truth to power” dare ask Barack  about the Biden Crime family?

If old Joe escapes and keeps the grift going, he’ll snicker at the American people, smirk and consider them fools. Because, as he said himself, “Nobody F’s with a Biden.”

Especially not even a chumbolone.

No kid from Chicago grows up dreaming of being a chumbolone someday. A  chumbolone is an idiot, a fool. The word was popularized years ago by a corrupt Chicago cop who served the gangsters in the Chicago Outfit’s Chinatown crew.

During the historic federal trial of Chicago mob bosses on murder and other charges began in 2007, and sent shockwaves through big cities where the Outfit had juice it was revealed. Even chumbolones didn’t want to be known as one.

Chinatown mob boss Frank Calabrese, a murderer and brutal loan shark was in prison talking with his visitor and servant, Chicago police officer Anthony Doyle, also known as Anthony Passafiume, who worked in a critical police bureau, the evidence section. Calabrese was agitated, chatting about using cattle prods on witnesses who might be able to connect him with Outfit hits.

And the cop kept nodding and agreeing with the Chinatown boss. Later, his lawyer asked him why he kept agreeing with Calabrese.

Why?

“I don’t want to look like a ‘chumbolone,’ an idiot,” said Doyle.

“I gave him lip service,” Doyle said of his discussions with the boss. “I didn’t know what he was talking about. I don’t wanna look like a chumbolone, an idiot, stupid,” Doyle said from the witness stand.

Years before, as he’d do bicep curls for all to see in the storefronts on 26^th Street to show off his guns, Twan Doyle never thought he’d be associated with a sugar cake.

And that’s how chumbolone was born. I’ve been thinking about selling trademarked baseball caps involving chumbolone and “No Chumbolone.” Matter of fact, the lawyers have done their work and the caps will soon be ready through johnkassnews.com

But anyone who believes that Biden was merely offering an “illusion” of access clout involving your government is a certified Chumbolone and cannot possibly wear a No Chumbolone hat like me. I wouldn’t allow it. It would not be allowed under The Chicago Way.

Besides, they probably don’t even know how to look at a magician’s stage for evidence of that canary, or if you prefer, pigeon once lived an adventurous life in show-biz. And now that old Joe Biden has put that rope around his own neck, bragging that he and Obama got rid of the prosecutor who was causing Hunter Biden’s benefactors so much grief, there will be more pigeons and canaries making music.

The Democrats know this. You know who doesn’t know it? The Chumbolones. They’re oblivious until the cage slams shut.

And then nobody cares about what happened to the little birdies.

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