The Diagnoses, The Blessing

By S. Tommy Tache

May 8, 2024

It was nearly 5:00 pm on a Friday.  After a triumphant week at work, I felt good about myself, almost invincible.  In just a few minutes I was going to buy my first sports car.

Then my cell phone rang.  It was my doctor, a prominent Chicago physician and family friend for many years.  He had my test results.  His news was grim.  The words he spoke were foreign and unfamiliar.  I was certain his words were not for me – but they were.

In a haze, as our call ended, I Googled the meaning of the strange medical terms he had shared with me. The first link of the search suggested a 25% chance to survive 12 months.  Disbelief and shock blended with the numbness that had overtaken me. Shaking, I sent an email cancelling the order for the sports car. “What would my widowed wife do with that car?” I wondered.

My wife returned home shortly after the doctor’s phone call and my Google search had crushed me. Through my tears I shared the news. Her first words, “We have wasted so much time.”  So true, so profound. Concerns about money or some social sleight seemed less than meaningless.

Late that sleepless night I asked God to give me five years. I was not ready. My plan was to kiss hello to eight decades of life, not merely six decades.

And then the blessings began to flow.  My wife discovered a television series called The Chosen.  The program details the life, and death, of Jesus Christ. I saw what he endured, the courage, and occasional doubt, with which he faced his future. The acceptance of his fate helped me accept mine. Later I would learn that the results of my Google search were perhaps too dire, that there is a possibility of three, or even more, years of survival. The gift of time may be mine.

I now especially cherish each interaction with people and nature – almost as though they exist for my enjoyment. To watch a pair of blue jays fly about the bushes is pure pleasure. To hug a friend hello is filled with meaning and is a sincere show of affection and appreciation.

Even interactions with strangers are full of meaning.  A “thank you” is not just a simple courtesy, but now a meaningful expression of heartfelt gratitude.  The use of a waitress’s name is not just to get her attention, but instead to let her know she matters and is appreciated.

Instead of others being players on my stage, I am now the actor on their stage, observing and appreciating their art, their struggles, and their contributions to the world.

Despite the physical and emotional pain of the illness, a certain purpose arises when the reality of the end is made known. You wake from your daily trance. You want to make people smile. You want to matter.  You want to be missed.  You want to know that your infinitesimally small time on the planet was for the better.  You want to know that you helped others, made them happier, enriched their lives.

Of course, I tried to do those things during my “healthy days.” But the diagnosis put that behavior into overdrive. You think of what you didn’t do. Write a book or screenplay, perform standup comedy, better serve your spouse, family, community, country, God.

I share this diagnosis with you not for sympathy, but to remind you of what you instinctively know but may ignore. You, too, may one day receive a phone call like I did late on that Friday afternoon.

Perhaps you, unlike me, will be better prepared. Because you have laughed, loved, and shared your gratitude with and for others. You will have made this place better by your presence. You have inspired others, spreading joy, happiness, and love.

You are blessed so you must share your blessings with others. Perhaps it is later than you think.

-30-

Tommy is a freelance writer in Chicago, fan of John Kass, and lover of the arts.

Comments 42

    1. I’ve always tried to live my life as if it were my last day. I don’t want to be remembered by my last bad deed. What a heartbreaking column. May God take care of you.

  4. Tommy. God bless you and your wife, family and friends. A gift indeed in the day. Praying for your journey and the wonders you discover. You are signing each day with excellence. Being a noticer.

  6. Thank you Tommy for sharing so openly! Yes, every day is truly a gift of time from God to us to use, to bless Him and others in this world or selfishly focus on ourselves. The choice is ours, and our days are numbered by the maker of time itself. We cannot turn the clock backwards, but we can choose to be a blessing to others and to God going forward, for what time remains, and in that choice find joy in the remainder of the journey!

  8. I had similar experience in 2014 with 39 days in hospital, 3 ICU visits, lost a third of my weight.In the midst of that I experienced visions of my Mom and Dad with my Mom basically saying the first lines of 2 Timothy 4:7 “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.” Basically my Mom in my visions was doing all the talking at my Dad’s side just as when I was a kid and they “strongly encouraged me” to enlist in military 2 weeks after high school. That led to 30 years in the military that hardened my worldview

    Somehow that comforting vision gave me a warm feeling. After that time of troubles my thinking was rewired, no longer did the recurring annual hanging bird nest under the awning of my dining room window upset me. I welcome the annual bird family and happily clean up their mess. Each daily walk with my two dogs is a blessing

  9. Wow. Very powerful. Facing your own mortality is like appearing on the old TV show I remember my parents talking about, “This is your life.” For some reason this column struck me to the core. Thank you, Tommy!

  10. Tommy
    God will guide your journey
    You started by sharing your story which touched all of us and made us aware of what is important in life
    A reminder to live and do better for all
    Our prayers will be with you and your family everyday

  12. A reminder of our mere existence in the much bigger picture drawn by God. We are here for a very short time. Our parts are small and then we move off the stage. Your “real” scene is something none of us wish to play out but unfortunately happens more often than most realize. God bless you. God bless your family.

  13. God bless you for sharing your story! The Chosen is an amazing series and is meaningful to many. I have watched all episodes of the four completed series many times. There are three more to come. I’m so happy they were helpful for you and by bringing them to the attention of Kass followers you have done a great service!

  14. Having recently lost my younger brother to cancer I can appreciate what you are going through. Cherish every moment, see all the people you wish to see, do all the things you wish to do and make use of all your waking moments. Prayers are with you. 🙏

  15. Tommy, your article is timely, a gift from God, as I prepare to leave for my surgery. My prayers will include your intentions, and your words will remind me of what I need to continue to do. Many more of us are now with you on your journey!

  18. Sometimes in life we are chosen to belong to groups we want no part of.
    Loss of parents group.
    Loss of partner group. ( I’ve been a member for seventeen years)
    Loss of a child group. ( I can’t imagine this group)
    Finding out a terminal disease group.
    One thing about these groups is this simple fact. You are forever changed.
    Yes you look at life differently. Yes you no longer waste time on trivial things.
    You realize each day is a gift. You realize love, kindness, and patience becomes easy.
    Thank you for sharing your story. May god bless you and your family.

  20. So appreciate your sharing this! Our knowledge of Jesus and his awesome presence and the reality of heaven is so powerful – in a word, HOPE.

  21. Your words remind us of the things that truly matter. Appreciate every day as a blessing. I’ve learned not to curse the small things since there are those who deal with much bigger things in their lives. Best wishes, miracles can happen. A good friend of mine survived pancreatic cancer. After the chemo his body was pretty well battered but he was still here. I used to joke he was so ornery heaven couldn’t handle him and the devil was afraid of him. He was pretty much resigned to spending the rest of his remaining days in a wheelchair. His friends wheeled him to a racetrack for a day trip. He asked for a shot of whiskey and afterwards got out of that chair. He walked back to the car that day and never used the chair again. Sending you some positive vibes. Good luck, best wishes to you and your family.

  22. Tommy, the number of people you’ve reached out & touched by sharing your story just gave your Life even more meaning. Thank you. And may God watch over you & bless you on your journey.

  23. Tommy, Interesting to read: My wife discovered a television series called The Chosen. The program details the life, and death, of Jesus Christ. I saw what he endured, the courage, and occasional doubt, with which he faced his future. The acceptance of his fate helped me accept mine.
    Unfortunately The Chosen is not a good account of Jesus, it falls far short of the Biblical account. Jesus wasn’t surprised by anything or anyone. Yes He prayed that this Cup would pass, but He abided by the Father’s will, was crucified and forsaken by the Father (cannot imagine what horror this was) I encourage you or anyone to read the Biblical account and not expect movies to teach you things concerning God Almighty and us. Look for a Bible centered teaching Church to attend and grow in the Word. Jesus will return and all will be judged by Him, some to paradise, as one of those crucified with him was told, but most be be tossed into a lake of 🔥 that will burn and torment Forever! Unless one believes Jesus was the sacrificed Lamb of God who paid one’s sin debt. And this is foolishness to man, but the wisdom of God, so say the scriptures. Amen Tommy, hope to see you in paradise!

  24. So well said.
    We are ALL going to be in this position. It’s just a matter of time. Some won’t get the call but instead be taken quickly. We forget that our time is limited on earth. Don’t waste it. Especially with trivia like politics.
    I have a button that says: ‘life is hard, then you die.’ Try and make it a little less hard on yourself and enjoy your life.

  25. Thank you Tommy. I have been feeling like this ever since I lost my father last year. I almost died in 2016 but due to wonderful technology, called a stent – I live. The timing would have been good, in 2016. I just published and album of original music with poetic vignettes and had a website and God may have had a plan, but we got in the way. I’ll take it.

    Every day on Earth is a lifetime. Even when we die, I don’t believe we travel all that far. American Indians comprehend life as a circle and the next world as nothing more than “a great mystery”. Interesting folks Indians. There is also one thing that they “do not” do, and they “do not” do it very, very well – they do not measure time.

  26. May God long continue to bless your journey. The remarkable perspective you have beautifully revealed is a blessing to your fellow travelers.

  27. Tommy,
    Right there with you, having recently received diagnosis that I wasn’t expecting, but determined to survive and persevere too! Savor every moment, cause we’re only here for a second, a blink of an eye. Godspeed….

  30. Well said, Tommy. About 10 years ago I received news I did not want to hear. What I learned was that we are all dying, some of us just know when. Making every day count is easier when you are aware of your ‘use by date’. Letting others know about Jesus gets easier when you know you will stand in His presence in the not too distant future. “The Lord bless and keep you; the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn His face toward and give you peace.” Num 6:22.

  31. Tommy, thank you for being so open about your trial.

    I pray that you and your loved ones will feel our Father’s presence as you walk through each day. I pray you will have more “normal” days than not.

    I thank God for your generous spirit, and pray that you will be able to share your wisdom for a long time to come.

  32. Tommy, thanks so much for sharing.

    I got the terrbile diagnosis at the end of December. I was told that maybe I’d have 3 months to live without treatment, up to 2 years with. Even the first oncologist I went to told me I had the worst of the worst. I can certainly imagine how you felt. I was very sad to think I wouldn’t see kids or grandkids again, I was worried about pain. I still am. I’ve come to accept it and figure I’ve got the easier end of the deal. I just go to sleep. Just trying to get a few things done before I go.

  33. Tommy, thank you for sharing what you are going thru & what we all will face one day. Tomorrow is promised to none of us. My wife has finally convinced me not to get upset over small, insignificant things. We should all enjoy our days be they in good & bad times. Tell your spouse, family & friends you love them everyday. Be kind to others, we never know if they are on the brink of losing it. I put my faith in Jesus Christ, he knows when my time will come. There are some wonderful people on this site that are truly a blessing. My prayers for you & your family Tommy, whatever God’s will is for you & thank you again for sharing & letting us know what is really important.

  34. Obviously there’s a lot of love in this world.
    Remember He’s with you in every step.
    You are blessed and the Spirit will get you through this.

  35. This was totally relatable and I pray for you and your family.

    This really hit home for me:
    “You wake from your daily trance. You want to make people smile. You want to matter. You want to be missed. You want to know that your infinitesimally small time on the planet was for the better. You want to know that you helped others, made them happier, enriched their lives.”

    I, too, have faced challenging diagnoses and should, honestly, be dead by now. And what you say in the quote above is what I face every day. At first I just wanted to make it to see our daughter attend kindergarten, then 8th grade graduation, then, after another diagnosis, high school graduation. I got to see what my mother missed in my life, a college graduation. I should be grateful, and yet I find myself focused on the items in the above quote.

    Doctors prepare for death but not when you actually outlive expectations. The questions about why God chose you to stay alive become an obsession. Why am I here? What do I need to accomplish? What more can I do? No one prepares you for how to live with a disease that should have killed you.

  38. Thankyou Tommy. You have just changed my thoughts on this gift of life. i am going to try to live by your words and writings on the gift of life each day of life gift iam given, Bless You.

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