By John Kass

July 14, 2022

Jeff Carlin, top Chicago radio producer and future physics teacher, is properly giddy over the space images from the new Webb Telescope.

And I was excited that he was excited. Jeff’ is my friend. But then he started poking holes in my dreams of time travel.

I guess you’ll have to listen to The Chicago Way podcast: Mr. Peabody and Sherman edition, for yourself.

Jeff aggravates me. He doesn’t think time travel will work the way it worked for old cartoon characters Mr. Peabody and Sherman, or like the cute couple in the British time travel romantic comedy, “About Time” or for H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine” or other such colorful time bandits.

“That concept of time travel,” Mr. Carlin told me, AND I HAVE TAPE, “doesn’t comport with the laws of physics.”

Oh, wow. Ouch, Jeff. I thought we were friends, man.

On this edition of The Chicago Way podcast Mr. Carlin poked holes in my various time travel theories. I could see him in a classroom, dressed in a cardigan sweater, horn-rimmed spectacles, ginger beard like Dr. Benton Quest, (Jonny’s dad) holding various balls in his hands to illustrate the turning of celestial bodies in space, as he speaks of using the great telescope to take photos of Jupiter.

And I’m the loser he sent to detention merely for saying that the Webb telescope should also take a photo of Uranus.

“Mr. Kass, please go see the Dean of Discipline. And take Bevis and Butthead with you.”

Yes Mr. Carlin. Sorry Mr. Carlin. Will this hurt my grade?

At least that’s how I imagined it.

We also talk a little politics, including Joe Biden reading the notes off the teleprompter like “repeat the line,” like the blithering moron that he’s proven himself to be so many times.

Or, perhaps it’s all Joe’s act. Maybe he’s like some mob boss pretending senility before the subpoenas  go out, cunningly paranoid like a feral in the shadows, perhaps a federal grand jury studying the Hunter Biden deals, the laptop from hell, and Biden Inc.’s relationship to China spymasters. That would make a great Netflix show.

We talked about  other TV shows to watch when I’m on pain pills in the man-chair after surgery, like the Boomer fantasy “The Old Man” and “The Boys”, a searing commentary on absolute power, narcissism and Millennial fixation with super heroes.

But there will be updated news about that soon. Oh, and Jeff’s fixation with robot related sci-fi, but not time travel.

We hope you listen, share this and tell your friends to listen to The Chicago Way podcast too because in the chaos that is Chicago, we all need a little common sense.

And Time Travel, if only to escape the demonic supervillain Mayor Phallus Maximus, despite what physics teachers  think.

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(Copyright 2022 John Kass)