By John Kass
“I nominate the entire year of 2021!!” writes Agatha Mantanes. “annus horriblis. Nah!”
Yes Agatha, it was a bad year, with (Coronavirus) rules-for-thee-but-not-for me politicians dividing the nation into two groups: Serfs and the lords. And the blue state politicians are the lords.
And have I mentioned the increases in violent crime thanks to defund-the-police mayors who demonize law enforcement and catch-and-release prosecutors? And the blue state schools about to soothe the teachers’ unions and shut down by returning to remote (non-learning) classes? Some kids who blow off laptop classes find something else to do–like carjacking.
Something’s got to give.
Maybe next November.
But this is January, in the new year 2022, and we’re making news here, today. I can’t remember when we’ve awarded a December Golden Moutza when I was at “the paper.” Perhaps I was on vacation then. Now though, I’m a small businessman here at johnkassnews.com and I don’t take vacations, just like my dad and Uncle George at the store.
Jim Johnson nominates the pin heads at Centers for Disease Control for playing politics with their ever-shifting COVID isolation “protocols.”.
“First, 10 days, 7 days, 5 days. Following the science, right? OK, but the political science. Nah!”
Bingo. The political science. Feesah CDC.
“I nominate Aldercreature Michelle Smith (43d) for telling her constituents who witness a robbery to run TOWARDS the offender while blowing a whistle,” says Greg Bella.
“Ald. Michelle Smith. Dumbest idea ever. Nah!!” said Kathleen Elliott.
What if the robber shoots the whistler? Will a shrill whistle shield citizens from a bullet? Where does Ald. Smith think she is, in Victorian England? Are we bobbies? This is Chicago where people get shot on the streets every day, even on the North Side, Ald. Moron. Blow on it!!!
Peter V. Bella, no relation to Gregg, offers a three-headed Moutza, like the mythical three-headed dog, snarling and guarding the gates of hell.
“A hat trick moutza, Preckwinkle, Foxx and Lightfoot for their epic failure in public safety,” Bella says. “Not one neighborhood is safe. Violent crimes persist on a pandemic level. Nah!”
And Chief Judge Tim Evans, the weakling desperate to stay on the “good” side of Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle and Preckwinkle’s toady, State’s Attorney Kim Foxx, makes it a dog with four heads. Add Democratic Illinois Gov. Pritzker, and you’ve got a five headed dog. They don’t want to be seen as law and order elected officials. They want to be known for giving hugs instead.
But a Cook County judge was just carjacked the day before New Year’s Eve, according to the Sun Times. The jackers reportedly put a gun to the head of Judge Anna Loftus. They put their hands on her three year old son. They let the judge keep her child and drove away.
The failed woke soft on crime policies of Foxx, Lightfoot, Preckwinkle and Evans accomplish one thing: They kill the city. They encourage Chicago to devour itself. And the days of these weaklings glorifying themselves never seem to end.
But now my friend, the gentle and kind Lisa Radville has another issue. She wants to nominate a major grocery chain for selling cheap and mistreated poultry grown in terrible conditions.
The chickens, she writes, “were raised in croweded dark warehouses (yeah, I know this one is out there, but someone has to stand up for poor poultry). I still have PTSD from seeing how chickens on my aunt’s farm in Ireland were raised, so overcrowded in cages they killed each other at night. Nah!!! Really bad.”
That’s terrible. And that’s why I mostly use pasture raised chickens from the farmer’s market. But the last one, kindly treated, tenderly slaughtered and lovingly frozen chicken, only cost me 30 bucks.
Betty said “$30 for a chicken? Are you crazy?”
There’s got to be a better way. Before I forget, here’s a Kasso pro-tip for making delicious Greek egg-lemon soup (avgolemono). Maybe we’ll do a recipe column. The secret is the eggs. Real farm eggs with the orange yolks. They make the avgolemono so creamy, just like yia-yia’s.
Ed Burton wants to nominate all of us:
“I nominate all of us, the electorate, for bitching and whining about politicians, conveniently forgetting we are the ones who voted for those woke, corrupt, virtue-signaling crooks and fools in the first place,” writes Ed. “So, wear it and remember next year and that elections DO have consequences. NAH!”
Oh, I know we’re supposed to believe that, but I wonder: weasel Republican Sen. Lindsey “Boots on the ground as long as my feet ain’t in ‘em” Graham gets elected, as does Democratic weasel U.S. Rep. Eric “There’s a spy in my bed?” Swalwell.
And Cook County State’s Attorney Kim “Jussie’s Girl” Foxx is protected by powerful forces and even by journalists in corporate, legacy media.
Will it ever change?
You know how this works, but for you Moutza of the Month newbies, we gather nominations aimed at the hordes of idiots roaming the earth at the end of each month Facebook. And nominators give a hearty Nah! (Take them), or Feesah Etho (blow right here), or some such emphatic Greek-flavored phrase, and you don’t need to add lemon.
And there you go.
“I nominate THE MASK. Nah,” says Michelin chef Carrie Nahabedian.
Me too, Carrie.
We’re well on the way on “The Road to Serfdom.” We serfs wear the masks. The elites wear glamorous evening clothes and go without masks at galas, to show their faces and remind us of their power.
Ann MacIntosh Baker nominates me, for daring to wear camo crocs and socks and ending up in the ER in the column about Popo the Elf and Betty getting COVID. She’s much better now, thanks.
“It’s been a year of memorable Moutzas. I’m going to close the year out by nominating a shoe. A camo Croc, to be specific,” Baker says. “A shoe that causes grown men to slip and fall while they’re trying to cook a perfect chicken for their lovely wife who’s recovering from COVID. Toss these babies out John Kass and resolve to get a good, sturdy pair of shoes in the new year. In the meantime, blow on this one Camo Crocs! Nah!”
Oh, Ann, Ann Ann. A Moutza to my crocs and socks is a direct Moutza to me. Reluctantly, I bow to your Moutza, Ann Baker. But I won’t hunt for sensible shoes. I’m not Toni Taxwinkle! Besides, I love my crocs and socks. They’re so dang cool.
“To the guy who said, ‘Let’s go Brandon’ to President Biden on the phone during a Christmas (TV) event. NAH!” said George Kosmas.
OK, he’s my president too, George. But then President Biden said to the guy: “Agreed. Let’s go Brandon.”
Doesn’t that obviate your moutza, George? I agree with our president who said Let’s go, Brandon! And besides, he isn’t the real president. Don’t you know that the real president is a two-headed dragon with the heads of Susan Rice and Ron Klain? They trot Joe out there so he’ll make a public fool of himself. And once they ditch Vice President Cackles, they might reveal their scheme.
Lou Berardi nominates Illinois Senate Democrat and Majority Leader State Sen. Kimberly Lightford of Chicago, and her husband. They were carjacked. The husband fired repeated shots at the fleeing carjackers. If the husband were a Chicago police officer shooting at a fleeing car, he’d be fired, unless of course the cop was married to a state senator.
“I nominate Lightford who, along with her husband was carjacked in Broadview,” Berardi says. “During the carjacking her husband—who has a concealed carry permit—pulled out his carry piece and traded shots with the ‘jackers. Why a Moutza? She voted AGAINST the concealed carry bill and for every piece of anti-gun legislation she sees. Rules for thee but not for me. Typical hypocrite politician. Hey Kimberly, this Moutza is for you. NAH!!”
But there can be only one.
And that can only be the absolute moron of an alderman who wants her constituents to run up to armed robbers blowing a whistle.
“WOW, John Kass,” says Will Kissan, “that’s tough to beat!! They have a gun, and we bring a whistle to a gun fight? Just wow.”
Indeed. Bringing a whistle to a gun fight is not the Chicago Way. I don’t want anyone pulling a gun. But if you blow a whistle at an armed robber and get shot to death, Ald. Smith just might say kind words at your funeral, with Mayor Wokefoot there, looking sad as your family cries.
Ald. Michelle Smith of the 43d Ward, behold your hard-won honor. The Golden Moutza of December belongs to you and you alone!
This is not 1880s London, Ald. Smith. It’s Chicago. You’re a Chicago alderman and you talk like some chumbolone. And johnkassnews.com is a no-chumbolone zone.
Nah! And Nah! again.
Happy New Year, Ald. Smith! Feesah Etho!
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