Kindergarten Lessons, Updated

By David Bittinger

November 1st,2026

Robert Fulghum’s 1988 book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten sold over seven million copies, staying a best-seller for two years. It adapted simple truths taught to schoolchildren into lessons for grown-ups. One example: An adult might read a kindergarten instruction to “Put things back where you found them” as a reminder to respect orderliness and shared spaces. Other lessons included “Play fair” and “Don’t hit people.”

Fulghum’s primer on standards of behavior and values already seems quaint. If you’re old enough to recall those traditional standards, you know they’ve since gone the way of printed newspaper subscriptions. Sometimes they seem to have gone the way of video stores.

Could such elementary lessons be updated for our time? I have a few suggestions, more complicated than Fulghum’s, as 2026 is more complicated than 1988. They might benefit people whose education on basics is shaky, a population that’s grown since 1988.

That ranges from post-kindergarteners, college students, and aging PhD candidates to poorly educated politicians. For instance, you might have wondered about the current mayors of Chicago, Seattle, and Los Angeles, whose reading skills seem limited.

New York’s mayor is a special case. Seems like he’s trying to reverse the surrender of the Soviet Union 35 years ago. Congratulations to New York for its international scope, bringing the Red Square to Times Square.

Being a Woman or a Man Is Not a Matter of Choice

If your birth certificate identifies you as a male but you feel you are something else, for instance a ruby-throated hummingbird, you will not magically become that something else. Nor will you attract the companionship of other hummingbirds

Respectful Boys Don’t Take Advantage of Girls’ Athletic Realities or Right to Privacy

Should athletes with male bodies shift from unsuccessful competition against other males to easily defeating female competitors?  Should those boys smilingly undress and watch mortified girls undress in their locker rooms? (In 1988 such locker room intruders would have been arrested, not awarded trophies.)

Don’t Discriminate Against Any People, Even White People

Once upon a time –- say, 1988 –- decent people could simply oppose all racial prejudice. Then leaders of the identity-politics party began oddly pushing discrimination against white-skinned people in education and employment (promoting this discrimination as “diversity”). Oddly — because that party’s original southern faction was white people. And their demand to continue owning black slaves led to a Civil War costing over 700,000 American lives.

Eight months after losing that war, the Democrats’ southern faction transferred its racial attentions to forming the Ku Klux Klan. A century later, one of the Klan’s former “Exalted Cyclops” became a powerful U.S. Senator. At his death, his Senate buddy colleague Joe Biden, now Vice President, delivered a reverent elegy.

Identity politics’ house of mirrors reflects ever-stranger race consciousness. In a bizarre psychodrama, devout progressives became so disturbed that two of their young white female devotees impersonated non-whites. (See “Rachel Dolezal.”)

Criminals Do Not Play Nice

Repeat criminals repeatedly play not nice. In one-party cities, some Democrat officials believe criminals deserve repeated opportunities. The election victories of many of these Democrats have been sponsored by a multi-billionaire whose sympathies are with the criminals, like a grade school recess monitor who sympathizes with the playground bullies. Who is this sponsor / recess monitor? (Hint: First name is George, and he’s no George Washington.)

If You Hate the Country You Live in, Move to a Better One.

This is easy and recommended for enraged young people who demand progress. Just move.

Some of the ragers never stop shouting about how evil the United States is, how much they hate its type of government and economy. Their sympathies are with sanctuaries of the left like Gaza and Cuba.

Unlike the United States, such sanctuaries don’t have millions of people spending years trying to immigrate to them, so they should appreciate your immigration. Once there, you can promote your cherished policies that haven’t received enough support in the United States, like transgender bathrooms and drag queen story hour and death threats against political figures you don’t like.

Move and experience what you’ve been advocating. Many Americans will be happy you’re there.

Your School Shouldn’t Be Closed Just Because a Teachers Organization Wants It Closed

This was a painful lesson of COVID hysteria. The education of millions of children was damaged needlessly because a labor union demanded schools stay closed. Children were far less vulnerable to COVID than to having their education stunted by school closures.

Teachers’ unions are to teachers as insurance companies are to doctors. (I’ll refrain from adding “or as the mafia is to neighborhood businesses.” That’s too harsh.)

Don’t Murder People You Hate, Even If You Feel Motivated by a Noble Reason

The most progressive ideologues have been reconsidering their position on the death penalty.

Back in olden times (ca. 1988) shooting a hated figure to death in cold blood was recognized as assassination. In 2024-2025, the most progressive thinkers began balancing this recognition with social justice. Even narrowly defined, this ideological judgment has already been imposed on two Americans, and the U.S. president only narrowly avoided it.

Use Your Indoor Voice, Even When You Disagree

The first amendment is deliberately broad. It does not prohibit public screaming or mobs chanting “WHADDA WE WANT….” Politicians also have an absolute first amendment right to shout speeches with staged profanities to prove they really are as tough as the other party.

Also hard to listen to but completely legal are guitar-led protest songs adapted from anthems that folkies stopped singing 40 years ago. Now they’re sung by college truth squads and government payrollers, typically in several different keys at once.

Dear progressives: Just try to limit the painfulness of your vocalizing, please? You know, Peter, Paul & Mary weren’t tone deaf.

Worship Any Faith or Don’t, But Don’t Worship Government

Religious freedom in America is a secular blessing. You can be a devout believer or a universalist doubter, and you won’t be arrested.

One caution: The human heart hungers for ultimate truth. Religious belief satisfies that hunger for many, but if such beliefs don’t work for you, you can thank the separation of church and state enshrined in our law by Thomas Jefferson.

Just don’t make government your ultimate truth.

Almighty government is the trap door of the left’s promises. If you don’t know Orwell’s novel 1984, you really should read this profound fable about the pitiless god of government.

Ask the freethinkers still alive in Russia, Cuba, China, North Korea, or certain theocratic countries about ultimate government truth. Or try asking the Democrats, always crusaders for government power. They’ll give you a happy Kamala word salad answer.

Communism Has Always Been Evil and Still Is

Read up on the history of the first communist ruler, Russia’s Vladimir Lenin, who wrote that socialism is a useful introductory phase to communism. Learn about the two communist rulers who each slaughtered more millions of innocent civilians than fascist Hitler: Russia’s Stalin and China’s Mao Zedong.

Growing numbers of unhappy young people now vote for closet communists. The closet cases sometimes give the game away by “saying the silent part out loud,” as New York’s now-Mayor Zohran Mamdani did in rallying a group of young comrades in 2021, enthusing about Karl Marx’s ultimate goal of “seizing the means of production.”

Don’t know what they plan to seize? If “Democratic Socialists” become sufficiently powerful, you will eventually find out.

-30

David Bittinger is a writer from the Chicago area who has lived in Wisconsin for many years but appreciates reconnecting with the best of Chicago through John Kass.

Comments 28

  1. Simple lesson learned from my Dad. In 1961, I was sent to ” the National Tea Store” at 74th and Ashland with a five- dollar bill to buy dozen eggs and a block of Velveeta cheese. We lived at 1755 W. 75th Place, Wood Street roughly, and the journey would take me east to Ashland, cross that busy street to its east side, and north under the massive railroad viaduct. National Tea was big back then. I made my purchases and Italian lady made sure that I secured my change of $3.43 deep in my blue jeans.

    Walking home under the dark and dank viaduct, I spotted a roll of bills, US currency! I found $8.00, which I stuffed in the pocket opposite to Mom’s change. I was loaded! Trips to Morganelli’s on Damen for candy! Model Spad bi-planes at Van’s Keys and Hobbies on 79tht Street! Movies with the guys at the Highland Theatre! Man o’ Manischewitz!

    Epilog to follow ( word limits)

  2. Epilog – I got home and dumped the wrong pocket first and my Mom caught sight of my wad of bills – all folding money and no change. “I gave you a five spot. Where’d you get all this? Pat! ( my Dad was home between jobs)” Mom relayed the details and the old man walked me back to where I had found the loot.
    He said, “Put it down right where you found it. It ain’t your money.” We went home and lesson learned.

  3. Maybe we should return to those simple truths of yesteryear.

    A whole lot of today’s campus radicals are nothing but spoiled brats, many from the 1% that they profess to hate. They are absolutely the useful idiots who wrap themselves in keffiyehs and a “Palestinian” flag who are desperately seeking something they perceive as “cool”.

    It’s time they get a dose of reality, good and hard.

  4. Thanks Dave. This was spot on. Sadly the people that hate America will need to suffer their own consequences.

    I fear what’s coming for my children and grandkids. This will be their war. And it will be a war.

    Pat Hickey. Thanks for the National Tea memories. Good story.

  5. The thing many young people lack today is an identity, which kind of gives you a framework to live by. First, many are the product of broken and/or fatherless homes and family and cultural identity is not of any importance. I am 63. When I grew up we always identified people by their ethnicity, this Italian guy, this Greek guy…There were neighborhoods that were distinctly ethnic. They still exist today but are comprised of more recent immigrants like Koreans. In order to feel relevant and part of something, many young people today seek out acceptance with groups which are political in nature or straight up anti-Western. The internet and social media haven’t helped. Diversity now is conformity. Honestly, things were better when our racial, ethnic or cultural differences were not highlighted. Things go in cycles. I hope we eventually cycle back to a normal civil society before they close the lid on me.

  7. Thanks David Bittinger for contributing to John Kass news.
    I hope John is doing well, and looking forward to family time after 4 decades of round-the-clock journalism.
    I agree with your opinion that teachers unions have too much power over. It’s especially damaging in places obsessed with single party rule.
    CTU and their pampered poodle Brandon Johnson are symptomatic of a nationwide dilemma.

    For example, in leftist paradise of Portland Oregon, all education policy is dictated by shadowy bureaucrats controlled by teachers unions.
    New York Post reported Oct 29 that a mother was publicly humiliated as a criminal because she objected to a “identity flower” assignment given to her 11-year-old child.

    It combines the rainbow pride flag with an “LGBTQ2SIA+- Intersex-Inclusive Progress” variant to include support for racial inclusion and transgender rights.
    Students were instructed to identify and discuss their gender identity with classmates and teachers.

    The mother was punished with a one-year trespass order barring her from attending school events, including her child’s graduation ceremony.
    It took a team of lawyers and federal judge 3 months to rescind the punishment. Parents should be alarmed at this abuse of power. It can happen anywhere.

    1. Paul, as I read this great piece this morning, I was thinking the exact same thing. Maybe they could just slightly change the website to johnkasslessnews.com.

    2. Mr. Davis,

      Thank you for suggesting this! I whole heartedly support this!
      This is a wonderful forum to read and think about the topics written.
      And…should Mr Kass feel so inclined, contribute occasionally (no pressure).
      What sayest thou contributers?

  9. Excellent column. Fulghum’s book is available on Amazon. I just bought the last two hard copies of the 1988 edition, though the 25th anniversary edition is still available. Now the tough question is, to whom do I gift the second copy?

  10. What a great idea. There are numerous regular contributors here including another notable of Greek descent. Perhaps he could take up the lantern of his ancient ancestor and take the lead in seeking the truth. Another good choice might be our esteemed MD, ex Director of “County” Emergency Department. He’s seen it all. . Leave JKN as the blog moniker. I’m sure that MOST that seek out the truth via JKN would welcome a continuance. I’d toss in a yearly dues to keep this going. Maybe along the line another witty songwriter might eventually cone up with a clever intro. What say ye other readers?

    1. Yes, I’ve had this thought, as well! I will happily continue subscribing if the guest writers are willing to continue delivering their great content! I also like the idea of keeping John’s name attached to any such venture, and ideally sharing with him a portion of the subscription proceeds. What a nice way to keep his legacy going!

  11. The diabolical impact of social media has been unquestionably an evil catalyst. It has magnified exponentially the inherent narcissism in mankind. All the web is now their stage. The dull, the uninformed, the low-information and downwardly mobile are platformed, so they learn to crave the likes and affirmation of the similarly afflicted. The horrifying death of a Kirk or Thompson just feeds their sick need to gain attention by manifesting an even uglier orgy of hate porn than any online cohorts. Facebook and its ilk are a Pandora’s Box of some of mans’ worst vanities.

  12. Well written sir!
    It is so sad that so many of our leader have forgotten these truths. It is easier to pander to the mob than uphold the principals that make our republic great.

  14. The 1786 Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom, first drafted by Jefferson in 1777, was the original blow against state-sanctioned religion in the United States. National religion (as well as compulsory taxes and religious tests) had, of course, been long maintained by the Church of England in the country the ancestors and founders of our country chose to leave.

    1. The passage in 1786 by the Virginia General Assembly of Jefferson’s Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom was greatly facilitated by Madison’s meticulously argued Memorial and Remonstrance Against Religious Assessment (published anonymously in 1785). Interestingly Madison believed – as he argued against Patrick Henry’s tax to support Christian churches – that separation of church and state was necessary to prevent government (state) from hindering “ … the diffusion of the light of Christianity.”

  16. VIP (sorry, off topic)
    The fake Alaska Dan Sullivan is a Chicago product, family from the southside, later Homewood Flosssmoor. His brother Paul Sullivan is the woke/bent(as the Irish call it) sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune. Large Democrat southside Irish family, he is about Republican and conservative as the Pope is a Muslim, well, maybe a wannabe.
    There is always a local connection to political corruption

    1. Well those who left Chicago to “sow the oats of democratic control” certainly had MBA-type lessons in dirty, filthy politics and ultimate power through union control. The very traits they inherited from their own best in class*.

      *No offense meant towards our furry friends

  17. Re Cal Skinner comment: read the Constitution. You’ll learn that it is called the Establishment Clause, in the 1st Amendment . Here’s an online summery, easily found…

    What the Constitution Actually Says
    • The Establishment Clause: The First Amendment states, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…”

    • The Free Exercise Clause: It continues, “…or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

    • Together, these two clauses form the legal basis for preventing the government from establishing a national religion or unfairly favoring one religion over another.

    Where the Phrase Came From
    • Thomas Jefferson: The famous metaphor of a “wall of separation between Church and State” comes from a letter written by Thomas Jefferson in 1802 to the Danbury Baptist Association.

    • Supreme Court: The U.S. Supreme Court formally incorporated Jefferson’s phrase into modern constitutional law in landmark cases like Everson v. Board of Education (1947), treating it as a summary of the Establishment Clause’s intent.

    1. Thank you for the landmark SCOTUS reference. I did not realize that prior to 1947, the establishment clause of the First only applied to the federal government; not state or local governments. Thanks again.

  18. Up you game little guy. Leftist faction caused the Civil War, not anyone’s desire to hold slaves. Leftist faction, just like you, who worshipped the Government more than God.

    You can do better Glen Ellyn, on the other hand…

  19. I’ve been a loyal reader of John Kass from day one in the Chicago Tribune, I canceled my subscription when John was pushed out. I followed him loyally on this website since he launched it. I was sad to hear he was retiring. I do agree he deserves his retirement. I do hope there is support to keep this group of talented writers together. The wonderful stories and perspectives are much appreciated and needed. I hope there is a movement to successfully keep this group of talented writers together. I would willingly continue paying to subscribe.

  20. And just whose fault it is to let the youngsters go rogue coming out of schools? Easy to blame the top schools. But how about parents? – like me??
    -Nambi

Leave a Reply