by Marie T. Sullivan

January 10, 2024

Late last year we saw a beautiful, ninety-six-year-old face in the news. It was Rosalynn Carter, with her Mona Lisa smile. All politics aside, it was refreshing to see: thoroughly wrinkled, unapologetically old, full of dignity.

We Boomers are aging fast, so it’s good for us to see a model of dignified old age. Naturally we all want to look good and stay in shape. But some are excessively preoccupied with health and exercise, things that can become addictions like anything else. The quest to remain forever young is futile.

C.S. Lewis had words of wisdom on the subject of wrinkles, and I paraphrase them here: “Wrinkles? Pshaw! Honorable insignia in this warfare.” Back in 2012, New York Times photographer Ari Seth Cohen did us a favor when he produced Advanced Style, a collection of photographs of marvelously chic elderly women on the streets of New York. Aside from a few outlandish outfits, his subjects are exquisitely dressed. Most notably, they are not attempting to look like twenty-eight-year olds.

Similarly, in 1949 Vogue Magazine introduced its first model of a certain age. She was a fictional character named Mrs. Exeter, initially portrayed through illustrations and later by actual models, the first of whom was a Mrs. Eastley in real life. Mrs. Exeter represented the older woman in the magazine through the 1950s. She was first grey-haired model to appear in its pages. “Approaching 60,” Vogue’s copy read, “Mrs. Exeter doesn’t look a day younger, a fact she accepts with perfect good humor and resourcefulness.” Mrs. E. embodied mature elegance. She lasted until 1964, when the youth movement exploded in American culture.

A side note to the ladies: As the years pile on, forget dewey-eyed. Be chic. You can be chic until you’re 102. By all means, be beautiful! Share your loveliness as much as you can, in an often unlovely world. But please, please don’t try to look dramatically younger than you are.

Compare and contrast Rosalynn Carter’s lovely aged face with the image of Martha Stewart posing in a swimsuit on the cover of Sports Illustrated last spring. Martha fails to comprehend the dignity of her years. Oversexualizing the elderly is almost as bad as sexualizing children. Wonderful that people can be joyfully sexual, so we’re told, in their advanced years—in the privacy of their home, with their spouse. This idea is far from puritanical. Besides, social historian Allan Carlson informs us that historical evidence shows that the Puritans were themselves “a surprisingly frisky and sensual lot.” Privately. Let us pause blissfully to remember the days when sexuality was a private matter.

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In the dentist’s office I once picked up a magazine with an interview of Diane Keaton. She imparted an excellent piece of fashion advice for older women that contrasts with Martha’s approach, namely: cover up. Some things we don’t want to see. Hence her crisp, non-clinging fabrics, high collars, oversize hats. She is wonderfully chic at seventy-seven.

Some people don’t care about their looks at all, but age gracefully in their own way. At a Jewish Community Center on Chicago’s northwest side, a woman named Betty Moonin taught an exercise class called “Body by Betty” for sixty years, twenty-six years into her widowhood. She was interviewed by a major daily in 2001. Judging from her photo, Betty Moonin looked not like Mrs. Exeter but like a 96-year-old grandmother. She was, however, endowed with good sense. Her sound and simple view of exercise? “You look and feel better and you get a special feeling when you move. I had a hip replacement 26 years ago and knew the importance of moving. People have to move, otherwise the muscles go.”

Here’s some encouragement for those of a certain age. Actor Danny DiVito is starring in a leading comedic role on Broadway at seventy-nine, and the Rolling Stones have released a new album (an aged word) and announced plans to tour sixteen North American cities in 2024. Mick Jagger is eighty.

Worthy endeavors, those. But it is neither good looks nor accomplishments that give the elderly their value. It is their inherent worth as human persons and their capacity to give and receive love, which increases as other abilities diminish just as a blind man’s hearing becomes more acute. They can do so in the worst of circumstances, from a hospital bed and without words. One more good reason not to snuff out Grandma before her time.

Yes, we Boomers are staring down our own mortality, and it’s best to do with jaw squared, and with grace and humor. A bit of philosophy helps, too. One writer proposes viewing aging as an exercise in asceticism, a form of what Rod Dreher calls “everyday asceticism.” Using that approach, one grows stronger as one’s physical capacities weaken. A paradox: outwardly weaker, inwardly stronger.

It’s not a bad thing to be reminded that we have limited time on this earth. Knowing that there’s an inexorable finish line focuses the mind. It points us back to essentials. Here’s another piece of useful advice from someone who aged well: Winston Churchill. “As one’s fortunes are reduced,” he said, “one’s spirit must expand to fill the void.”

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An Ohio native, Marie T. (Terry) Sullivan has lived in Chicagoland for all of her adult life. She has a degree in music, with flute as her principal instrument, but turned to ensemble singing after college and later, to singing jazz. By day she works for a Chicago nonprofit. For two years she served as culture editor for the now defunct Chicago Daily Observer.