Graceful Aging
by Marie T. Sullivan
January 10, 2024
Late last year we saw a beautiful, ninety-six-year-old face in the news. It was Rosalynn Carter, with her Mona Lisa smile. All politics aside, it was refreshing to see: thoroughly wrinkled, unapologetically old, full of dignity.
We Boomers are aging fast, so it’s good for us to see a model of dignified old age. Naturally we all want to look good and stay in shape. But some are excessively preoccupied with health and exercise, things that can become addictions like anything else. The quest to remain forever young is futile.
C.S. Lewis had words of wisdom on the subject of wrinkles, and I paraphrase them here: “Wrinkles? Pshaw! Honorable insignia in this warfare.” Back in 2012, New York Times photographer Ari Seth Cohen did us a favor when he produced Advanced Style, a collection of photographs of marvelously chic elderly women on the streets of New York. Aside from a few outlandish outfits, his subjects are exquisitely dressed. Most notably, they are not attempting to look like twenty-eight-year olds.
Similarly, in 1949 Vogue Magazine introduced its first model of a certain age. She was a fictional character named Mrs. Exeter, initially portrayed through illustrations and later by actual models, the first of whom was a Mrs. Eastley in real life. Mrs. Exeter represented the older woman in the magazine through the 1950s. She was first grey-haired model to appear in its pages. “Approaching 60,” Vogue’s copy read, “Mrs. Exeter doesn’t look a day younger, a fact she accepts with perfect good humor and resourcefulness.” Mrs. E. embodied mature elegance. She lasted until 1964, when the youth movement exploded in American culture.
A side note to the ladies: As the years pile on, forget dewey-eyed. Be chic. You can be chic until you’re 102. By all means, be beautiful! Share your loveliness as much as you can, in an often unlovely world. But please, please don’t try to look dramatically younger than you are.
Compare and contrast Rosalynn Carter’s lovely aged face with the image of Martha Stewart posing in a swimsuit on the cover of Sports Illustrated last spring. Martha fails to comprehend the dignity of her years. Oversexualizing the elderly is almost as bad as sexualizing children. Wonderful that people can be joyfully sexual, so we’re told, in their advanced years—in the privacy of their home, with their spouse. This idea is far from puritanical. Besides, social historian Allan Carlson informs us that historical evidence shows that the Puritans were themselves “a surprisingly frisky and sensual lot.” Privately. Let us pause blissfully to remember the days when sexuality was a private matter.
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In the dentist’s office I once picked up a magazine with an interview of Diane Keaton. She imparted an excellent piece of fashion advice for older women that contrasts with Martha’s approach, namely: cover up. Some things we don’t want to see. Hence her crisp, non-clinging fabrics, high collars, oversize hats. She is wonderfully chic at seventy-seven.
Some people don’t care about their looks at all, but age gracefully in their own way. At a Jewish Community Center on Chicago’s northwest side, a woman named Betty Moonin taught an exercise class called “Body by Betty” for sixty years, twenty-six years into her widowhood. She was interviewed by a major daily in 2001. Judging from her photo, Betty Moonin looked not like Mrs. Exeter but like a 96-year-old grandmother. She was, however, endowed with good sense. Her sound and simple view of exercise? “You look and feel better and you get a special feeling when you move. I had a hip replacement 26 years ago and knew the importance of moving. People have to move, otherwise the muscles go.”
Here’s some encouragement for those of a certain age. Actor Danny DiVito is starring in a leading comedic role on Broadway at seventy-nine, and the Rolling Stones have released a new album (an aged word) and announced plans to tour sixteen North American cities in 2024. Mick Jagger is eighty.
Worthy endeavors, those. But it is neither good looks nor accomplishments that give the elderly their value. It is their inherent worth as human persons and their capacity to give and receive love, which increases as other abilities diminish just as a blind man’s hearing becomes more acute. They can do so in the worst of circumstances, from a hospital bed and without words. One more good reason not to snuff out Grandma before her time.
Yes, we Boomers are staring down our own mortality, and it’s best to do with jaw squared, and with grace and humor. A bit of philosophy helps, too. One writer proposes viewing aging as an exercise in asceticism, a form of what Rod Dreher calls “everyday asceticism.” Using that approach, one grows stronger as one’s physical capacities weaken. A paradox: outwardly weaker, inwardly stronger.
It’s not a bad thing to be reminded that we have limited time on this earth. Knowing that there’s an inexorable finish line focuses the mind. It points us back to essentials. Here’s another piece of useful advice from someone who aged well: Winston Churchill. “As one’s fortunes are reduced,” he said, “one’s spirit must expand to fill the void.”
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An Ohio native, Marie T. (Terry) Sullivan has lived in Chicagoland for all of her adult life. She has a degree in music, with flute as her principal instrument, but turned to ensemble singing after college and later, to singing jazz. By day she works for a Chicago nonprofit. For two years she served as culture editor for the now defunct Chicago Daily Observer.
Comments 25
Great words. Thank you, Marie.
Thanks Marie. In one of his skits George Carlin made fun of the euphemisms we invent for being old; ‘senior citizen’ was one of them.
In defense of Martha Stewart, I understand what she did. She lost weight, looked good, and no doubt some cosmetic help too. At our age she made a decision to flaunt it. As someone who has fought the weight diet game all my life I get what she did. She might or may not regret it. When I saw the pics and ads, have to admit I was like, “Yikes, what is she doing?” Stewart is a strong woman, a fighter and won’t back down from any criticism. I admire her for that.
“A body in motion stays in motion” – quote from a tv ad for a product that escapes me. I guess that means my memory is going to hell! Marie, you appear to be just the kind of person the marketing experts were aiming for in thst ad. Congrats on a great column! You get extra credit points from me for not mentioning Taylor Swift!!!
Newton’s first law: An object at rest remains at rest, or if in motion, remains in motion at a constant velocity unless acted on by a net external force. Written well before any TV commercial.
What an inspiring article. At 75 I’m very comfortable in my body and feel great. I don’t need to look like a 50yr old. I hope I can continue to age gracefully and embrace making it this far. My 98 yr old Mom is my idol.
Thankyou Marie,
Most of us boomers seem to have figured out how to be comfortable in our own skin…however wrinkled or saggy. But I remember those immortal words by the late Jimmy Buffet – “wrinkles only go where the smiles have been!” I’ve been blessed and fortunate to have made it thus far in one piece, without artificial joints or limbs, and can still captain boats…until I sail off into the sunset – smiling and grateful all the way…
Bravo Terry! Having just celebrated my 75th birthday and throwing myself a party, and then enduring the deaths of two old pals, you help put it all in perspective. As I gaze at my much younger wife of 73, I’m reminded of Shakespeare’s reflection on Cleopatra, “Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety.” Who’s Taylor Swift?
A glorious quote! Had I known it I would have included it.
That’s a well-written and rewarding article, Ms. Sullivan. It made me reflect on the awkward path our generation has traveled as we’ve aged. Although most of us have maintained good levels of energy and purpose, we’ve also had a tough time outgrowing Boomer narcissism and much of the self-righteous indoctrination we were showered with during the 1960s.
This article by a singer recalled for me the last Sinatra concert I heard. He was singing “You Make Me Feel So Young” with his actor’s timing and touch. Then he suddenly interrupted himself. “. . . and even when I’m old and gray — hey, I AM old and gray! . . .”
I never once heard my 94-year old mother complain of wrinkles or aging, but she revelled in “dressing up” when going to the bank or grocery store: hair nicely curled, a bit of lipstick and rouge (applied with her finger from the lipstick tube) and a nice (inexpensive) jacket, cute top and black pants-what was once considered “business casual.” Dressed attractively and confidently walking with her walker, she entered with a big smile of greeting. Young people, especially young men, at these places of business would do a double take and exclaim, “You look so beautiful! Are you going out to lunch, or a party?” Humbly, she would just smile back, thank them and get on with her business.
The permanence of beauty stems from the soul.
love this line:
“Worthy endeavors, those. But it is neither good looks nor accomplishments that give the elderly their value. It is their inherent worth as human persons and their capacity to give and receive love” …..
Getting old is not for Wimps
I loved that line too!!! I also loved:
Oversexualizing the elderly is almost as bad as sexualizing children
John
Thanks for such a heartwarming story which truly warmed mine
We need more like this in this ever so negative world and
Thank you Marie
Rich Dory
Wonderful, insightful observations, Ms Sullivan. You have given me the lift I needed today.
Thank you!
This 76 year old woman thanks you and Diane Keaton, Marie! I modestly hope that I try to be the type of woman of whom you write. I also like to think that I follow in the style of my beloved Mom, beautiful inside and out, until the day she passed at 87. And wish that I had the beautiful complexion that my Mother-in-Law had until she passed in her mid 90s.
To age gracefully and to die well. I can say easily, that I have been blessed to grow up and to grow through adulthood in the wake of the Baby Boom. What a beautiful piece here! A generation who stared down the worst toxicity and dysfunction from what Stud’s Terkel aptly named “The Good War” with no road map. Thank you! And thank you for the two singular contributions in my mind, the Tunes, and the fact that children will never be beaten in school again – honestly, awesome generation and stick around as long as possible please!!
My wife told me we Boomers are going to be the age demographic majority in the USA by 2026 or some such year so to all those millenial yoots mocking us – fear the gray! LOL
To quote from Frank again “regrets I’ve had a few, but then again too few to
mention” We boomers are still around and many of us will be here into our 9th decade. Each day is a gift, thank God when your feet hit the floor each morning. There is wisdom from life at our age. Enjoy it. Wrinkles and all.
When I lived on Capitol Hill in the 70s, I remember a friend attending a dinner party at a private home where Diane Keaton also was an invitee. I understand she had a habit, even then, of wearing gloves. Diane is unique and unafraid to be herself.
Two things to note….
First, while I agree that Ms. Keaton is definitely aging with grace, I will add that she has ALWAYS presented in public in crisp, non-clinging fabrics, high collars, oversize hats. Nothing has changed as she aged.
Second, I live in Santa Fe now and regularly run into Ali MacGraw, who has definitely aged gracefully. She is comfortable with gray hair and what appears to be a lack of any plastic surgery yet is stunningly beautiful and sexy at age 84!
Kudos to both.
Enjoyed this article but do not agree with your assessment of Martha Stewart. Believe she is true to herself as Keaton is true to herself. I, and many of my 70 something peers, liked her boldness and “fun” dealing with age. Always the entrepreneur, she is comfortable with herself and shouldn’t that be the way for all women….
I’m a lifelong equestrian and just rolled over the odometer to 60. At the small farm where I train and keep my horse, I am the “kid”. My training partner, who is a practicing veterinarian and owns the farm, is 71; my trainer is 65; and our head cheerleader, a lovely lady who watches all of our lessons, clinics, and shows, is something north of 80, having stopped riding only a few years ago after she broke her hip. I’m really enjoying being among such active women of a certain age, all of us wearing our grey hair like the biblical crown of glory. And we’re all riding the best we ever have. We’re not old, just a little more experienced 😉
I absolutely loved this article! I only realized it was you Terry after I read it all. A terrific and pleasant surprise. So many great lines! Thank you! Thank you!