Fani and Mr. Humper Battle It Out with the Bidens and Mayor Boufo for the Golden Moutza of the Month

By John Kass

March 3, 2024

Watching President China Joe Biden gaslighting the nation on illegal immigration–while avoiding any reference to Laken Reilly or others murdered or assaulted by his illegal migrant invaders crossing his wide–open border, a word kept nagging at me.

And that same word echoed as I thought of all the corrupt Chicago politicians who’ve gone away to prison and didn’t have the big brains to use the Fani Willis and Mr. Humper excuse about dealing only in cash.

That word kept nagging, like Nikki Haley insisting she’s not the cheerleader for endless wars.

It was a foreign-sounding word.

No, not the ancient and venerable Hellenic Golden Moutza which we award today, and from which even the meat-puppet Biden–as president of the United States–is exempt, as most civilized people acknowledge.

But his Bagman Brother Jim, and his crackhead son Hunter–both of whom have been raking in the millions in cash from America’s foreign adversaries while given license to peddle by Congressional Democrats and their media lickspittles are not exempt. They deserve a moutza every day while sitting in the lap of CNN’s Jake Tapper and all the liberals telling us democracy dies in darkness as they shut off the lights.

I thought Bagman Jim and his Diamond Hunter nephew should be locked in a cell as traitors for selling America to the Chinese, locked away in some dark, damp place like the Château d’If. But maybe it’s best to keep them here to remind Americans how much contempt the Bidens, the corrupt corporate media and all the Democrats have for the nation and the rule of law.

President Non Compos Mentis should get his well-deserved big fat Moutza in the November 2024 elections. And if he doesn’t, well, we might just want to move someplace safe and civilized, like  Afghanistan.

But what was that word that was nagging me?

It was Chumbolomania

Because across the nation and in a once-great city by the lake, hordes of Americans seem desperate to present themselves as idiots and put on the trappings of the clown, right down to the big Bozo feet.

But there is a way to fight off the idjits of the idiocracy: With the Golden Moutza.

You know how this works by now. Readers find me on social media near the end of the month to nominate their worthy idiots, baboons and jerks and egg sucking politicos.

“Oh geez!” cried Eileen McEelligott Ahlstrom, “I’m going to have to weed out the list of candidates!”

Get to work Eileen. This is the No Chumbolone Zone, not the welfare state.

For example, White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf now is asking for $1 billion in taxpayer funds for a new stadium, even though the team is crap and taxpayers have already built him a ballpark. At least Sox Park has decent ballpark food but the drawback is that you might get murdered on the drive home in street gang crossfire on the Dan Ryan.

Still, Jerry just loves other people’s money.  And he traded away my favorite young Chicago ballplayer, true White Sox, Nick Madrigal and cut the kid’s heart out. And again, the ballclub stinks.

Oh and what of Charlotte Cowles, a New York financial advice columnist who wrote a first person article telling us she’s desperate for the Moutza Hall of Fame. Her essay: “The Day I Put $50,000 in a Shoe Box and Handed It to a Stranger.”

Is she that much of a chumbolone, or chumbolonisa (to use the feminine form of the word)?

Lin Feddor Cappozzo:“I don’t know  I should laugh at this or face palm myself?  Wondering if this is an indication of believing fake news for many years? Or is this just another Jussie Smollette story.I find it hard to believe anyone would put that much money in a shoe box. Nah not believing anyone is this gullible.”

First Lady Jill Biden—the devious Edith Wilson of the Beltway—is eligible. Joe should have been locked in the basement years ago to keep him safe. And all we have to do is research what happened to the Biden family dog “Commander” who bit at least 24 U.S. Secret Service agents before he was sent away to “the farm,” or wherever the Bidens dispatch pets when they’re no longer politically useful.

“Nah ! Moutza to Jill Biden and her spokesperson Elizabeth Alexander,” said reader Tom Winike. “They misused Commander as a prop to fool animal lovers with staged family photos. When the cameras stop rolling, he’s ignored and neglected. Commander was never treated with affection. He’s only there to make Bidens look like previous First Families. Feesah etho !”

Abuse of animals is as low as you can get.

The German Shepherd Dog is a loyal, powerful, and highly intelligent animal. The breed has been ruined by idiotic humans, by backyard puppy-mill breeders, and by foolish people who seek a high drive dog because it looks good, without bothering to give it constant training and discipline. But that takes effort, and Joe Biden is a good bullcrapper, and a plagiarist not an effort-guy.

Yet if a young woman out for a jog had a well-bred and well-trained GSD protection dog running alongside her, the attacker would not have been able to get close to her.

“I say we give this ‘award’ to all the sanctuary cities that have chaos with all the illegal immigrants,” says Melody Ann, “and paving the road for further destruction of our country, ignoring law and order.”

Sue Witte Groskreutz nominated Facebook (META). Its founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg is a champion of left-wing politics whose social media platform has long suppressed conservative views.

“John I’m in shock,” said Groskreutz. “I followed you on FB eons ago, but this is the first time you have appeared on my feed!  FB algorithms are hiding you.”

Perhaps. Or it just might be coincidence.

“I was going to nominate Thumper and Humper,” said David Kleckner, “but coming down the home stretch here comes Mayor Johnson. In a shakedown move worthy of a beer distributorship, Brandon wants to sue oil companies for climate deception? The real deception is trying to convince people that he’s the actual mayor and not the radical faction of the CTU. Nah!”

So you’re not buying the Mayor Panic Attacks excuse?

Leo G. Manta: “Well, either we award Fani Willis the Mountza, or Mayor Boufos for even hinting at using public funds for another Sox Park in no-mans land. I’m torn, both are deserving of all twenty digits on hands and toes! NAH! Fisa, kai parta olla!!! (Blow on this and take them all!)

“I’ll bet you a few ‘Gs’ that Fani Willis would love to add a shiny gold Moutza to her stash of cash,” said Ann MacIntosh Baker. “Gotta give her credit though. She does have a ‘Chicago Way’ about her, hiring her boy toy to prosecute Trump, then using the (tax) money to fund romantic get-aways. ‘G’ also stands for GRIFT, something Fani seems to have mastered. A well-deserved palm-to-face for Fani, Mr. Humper and their Garden of Earthly Delights. Nah!”

Ms. Baker, you are known far and wide for your superb taste, and the commentary which you’ve used to buttress your nomination of Fani is like a good cup of Midwestern common sense.

The plain fact is that while I tried to avoid this moutza and give it to Jerry Reinsdorf, Georgia’s Fani Willis simply cannot be turned away.

She is as embarrassing as Stacy Adams and her soft porn novels, but worse.

Fani and Mr. Humper have made Georgia taxpayers and the Georgia courts the laughingstocks of the nation. Watching her testify angry like some fishwive, it was clear that she reeked of poor taste. And she used the race card to incite black Democrats to support her and twist the rule of law to partisan advantage.

She was as cheap and vulgar of Chicago race hustler Rickey “Hollywood” Hendon on his worst day, as unethical as any pay-for-pay politico. And the only West Sider he didn’t scream at was Joe Lombardo.

Fani took hundreds of thousands of dollars from the taxpayers and paid her Mr. Humper with taxpayer money to prosecute former President Trump on a nonsensical RICO case. Why? Because she’s a Biden loyalist and they talk about protecting democracy even as they deny Americans the choice to vote for their preferred candidates.

She enjoyed lavish vacations and trips to Belize, Aruba, Sonoma and other places on the taxpayer dime. Then she wrapped herself up in the race card in a black church to attack others and defend herself.

It was sickening for what the entire drama says about the American belief in the Rule of Law, but isn’t that the Democrat playbook, the race card and all the rest of it? Because to Willis, the Rule of Law is only for leverage to shower herself and Mr. Humper with other people’s money that she didn’t earn, and wrap herself in the race card.

And if anyone dares speak up to question Fani, she’ll put her hand on her hip and call out to God and   condemn them to the mob and race hustlers like Al Sharpton.

Lift up your chin Fani. You love cash but I’ve got something here for you and it’s bleepin’ golden. This Golden Moutza of February is yours and yours alone.

You are the superhero for lawfare. You are the superhero of shaming the courts and the Rule of Law.

And as you blow on it, the rest of us will sing to you like drunks in a midnight choir:

Take a load off Fani, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fani and…and take this Golden Moutza from me.

-30-

 

 

 

–30–

About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper.  He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.

Comments 56

    2. I guess I can’t quibble about you choice, Fani’s time in the spotlight has been extremely entertaining. The neat thing is that she did it to herself. Her testimony was voluntary.
      Reinsdorf though, what an arrogant man. He fleeced us for the current stadium, still owes us millions and now wants us to kick in for another stadium.
      I’m not Jewish but the word Chutzpah leaps into my mind. The stadium authority devised by Jim Thompson needs a thorough audit.
      Put the new stadium financing to a referendum. Let’s see how far it gets.
      Please save Mr. Reinsdorf’s moutza nomination for next month.

  2. “Take a load off Fani, take a load for free;
    Take a load off Fani and…and take this Golden Moutza from me.”

    This could be put in the John Kass greatest hits album.

  3. Loved the ending. All were worthy candidates. But sometimes I think we are wasting the glorious Golden Moutza on people that don’t understand the concept of shame and personal responsibility. Perhaps exile as part of the Moutza prize package should be added. But then, who’d take them.

  6. Love all your columns as well as those of your guest columnists. I’ll never be able to nominate anyone for Golden Moutza as I absolutely refuse to support the leftist agenda by using fakebook!

    1. Me too Suzanne. Deactivating my Facebook account was perhaps the best thing I have ever done. When I hear the term “social media” I cringe. It was probably a good concept at the start, but has become the poster child for divide, censor and shame.

      The comments section here is a good a place as any for (dis)honorable mentions. I have a few, but John’s choice is so right, I’ll save ‘em for another month. I’m sure they’ll still be worthy any time.

  7. Reading “ . . . Jake Tapper and all the liberals telling us democracy dies in darkness as they shut off the lights,” I somehow heard H. L. Mencken start to cheer. A grinning Mike Royko cut him off with “No cheering in the press box. But that sure was a Kass gem.”

  8. I quit reading this column after your garbage comment about “Nikki Haley and endless wars.” That’s like me calling you a “Putin lover” for your indifference to Russia’s takeover of Ukraine. Just what endless wars is Haley supporting, pray tell? Was Harry Truman supporting “endless wars” by aiding your family’s native country of Greece from falling behind the Iron Curtain. You’re a great writer, so cut out your mindless sloganeering for God sake’s. And please don’t censor this comment.

    1. Can’t agree with you David. I follow very little mainstream news. Yet, all I hear and continue to see is that Nikki Haley is all about endless wars. Is she ??? Beats me, I don’t have a clue ! I don’t know if I even care. But it’s the perception of her, right or wrong that prevails.

    3. I agree. John, for some reason, is unable to distinguish between an irrelevant tin horn dictator – Sadam – who had nothing to do with 9/11, had no WMDs and who actually served a useful purpose (as a counter to Iran) from an existential threat to western civilization and the United States … Putin.

      1. If I remember correctly, John was pissed that he got surprised by all the official information that turned out to be bunk. Being a public writer, getting surprised is particularly galling because your take is indelible, people form their opinions around what you say, no one with a conscious wants to mislead people (knowingly or unknowingly), etc.

        Regardless of the above, there’s still reason to be concerned with what’s going on in Ukraine/Europe. The fact that Norway and Sweden are abandoning 200 years of neutrality means something serious is going on.

    4. Spoken by a guy who never served in the military as far as I can observe from your bio. How many Commies did you kill for Christ in a war, Davey. Do you even know what it’s like to be in battle. Your type sends other peoples kids into battle for you to fight and die. We’ve got hundreds of military bases in countries we don’t belong in that are attacked sporadically and we respond, like in the Houtis (sp?) debacle/tragedy. 3 AMERICANS KILLED. AND FOR WHAT? SO THAT MAJOR WEAPONS MANUFACTURERS CONTINUE TO MAKE BIG BUCKS. Who made us policeman of the world? $885 billion dollars for the war dept this year alone. We have the Congressional military industrial complex running this countries economy. We are a war economy and if we don’t change it our economy will collapse. NIKI HALEY IS A WAR MONGERING SLUT.

    5. Nikki Haley exposed her true self after the SC primary. Bitter in defeat, she showed she is clearly a Bush-Cheney accolite, which so many Americans now loathe. Why are Dem donors, many also Neocons, supporting her? Because she’s a better opponent for Biden, even as weak as he is.

  9. Great job John. Fani, her boyfriend, Kamala and Biden must go along with Obama, Gates, Fauci and others. We must Win our Country back and if we do not we are doomed. We are becoming a Third World Country and that is what Obama predicted while he made millions of the Poor. He did not have a dime when he ran for office he was bankrolled by the Left blaming America for the plight of the Black Society, and they promised them the moon for Votes. The sad part is they do not know the jobs they are given as long as they Vote for Democrats.

  13. Great Moutza choice!
    So many gaslighters trying to spread chumboloney around.

    Fani is truly deserving of the Golden Moutza.
    She basically nominated herself because she would not shut up.
    Love the song ending.

  15. John, if you had not awarded the Golden Moutza to Fani Willis this month, I would have had to question your cognitive health. If she’s not the definition of a chumbolonisa, I don’t know who is!

  16. An inspired column! My vote goes to Jerry Reinscheap. In fact, I’ve coined a new verb, viz., to Reinsdorf. This means to fail spectacularly at something. For example, “I totally Reinsdorfed that six-inch birdie putt, and ended up with a bogey.” To erect a big new stadium for that team is like putting a Dollar Store in the Taj Mahal.

  17. Praise da Lawd, Jaysuuuus sssssssaaaavsus.
    Jerry Reinhorn (remember when we could tell difference between his other scumbag owner,Einhorn, so we combined names), deliberately decimated the team of hi priced players and brought in double AA losers so the team will tank. Well, the fans will tank on them and he will say it’s due to the park, neighborhood etc. He will threatened to leave. As a long, long time Sox fan (I am one of the few fans alive that went to last 2 Sox World Series, ’59 and ’05!) I say to scumbag Reinhorn: LEAVE, LEAVE, IN FACT LEAVE NOW, I DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR TEAM. GET OUT NOW A HOLE

  20. It was very gratifying this morning to see that Fani and her Mr. Humper won the Golden Moutza. I’ve been following this saga and it’s been damn entertaining! The closing arguments this week were enlightening. One of the Trump lawyers produced a book that was written about her…”Find Me The Votes..a hard-charging Georgia prosecutor, a rogue President and the plot to steal an American Election. Yes, Fani is indeed, hard charging, but what is she charging…

  23. Let’s just give Mayor Brandon “the teacher’s union owns my” Johnson the credit he’s due and make him the first Golden Moutza Emeritus!

    This alleged man is such a tool that his nickname should be “Doorknob” since virtually everyone gets a turn to use him!

  24. Bravo! There was really only one front runner this month. Fani is deserving of the Moutza crown.
    How does one go into a church and scream racism when they are in fact an adulterer? I’m so confused!
    Thank you for the acknowledgment of my pick.
    We’ll keep nominating as long as you keep writing.

  26. Perhaps it is just me, but is anyone else seeing a pattern of female district attorneys of color getting rich for fundraising off “I’m going to get Trump”?

    I believe that is where the real story is.

    As always, good piece, Mr. Kass.

    Best from the land of Mencken.

  28. How do you think I feel about this? I live in Fulton County GA, sigh. I live in a North suburb, we want desperately to separate from Fulton County.

  29. I have no quibble with Fani and Humper winning the award, but I must ask why crackhead Judge Arthur Engoron wasn’t even among the nominees. He presided over Trump’s fraud “trial,” but had pre-determined the outcome before the first piece of evidence was presented or the first witness was heard. He refused to allow Trump’s lawyers to present evidence that would have shown the entire trial was a farce, and sat there preening for the cameras whenever they focused on him. He reminds me of Donald Sutherland’s Vernon Pinkley character in “The Dirty Dozen” when Major Jon Reisman (Lee Marvin) “promotes” him to general so he can “inspect” Colonel Breed’s (Robert Ryan) elite troops. Same stupid grin; same lack of respect. NAH!

  30. Always happy to be a part of the nominating process and a WELL deserved Golden Moutza for Fani “Cash on Hand” Willis. Of course now I’ll have that song stuck in my mind all day though – lol.

  31. Yes John, useful idiot Little Annie Fani has certainly earned this months award. She was too stupid to realize she was in way over her head when she started this idiotic case. The other two useful idiots in New York are also in over they’re heads and they’re too stupid to know it yet. Thankfully Trump is using these cases to his own advantage with all of the media coverage. Brilliant. Even as Trump has destroyed corupt anti Trump propaganda networks like CNN and MSNBC he still owns them. Propaganda websites like Buzzfeed and Vice are also going bankrupt. Anti Trump newspapers like the Chicago Slum Times and Chicago Fibune are going under, along with many other “newspapers”. Hollywood elites are watching their careers fizzle over their anti Trump babblings on social media. Hollywood is collapsing under its anti conservative leanings. Yes, Trump is the Great Destroyer. Trump was pretty much in the same position when COVID was unleashed to enable the theft of the last election with fraudulent mail in ballots. One can only wonder what the endgame will be this time. These guys are getting desperate…

  33. At work, the classic insult spewed by one female towards another, She’s Filthy. After some reflection, regurgitation of the full Monty, She’s Filthy and She’s Nasty! Your last two lines are superb and conjured up that memory of revulsion.

  34. Just as the President is correctly immune from the Moutza, so is Trump’s Presidential immunity.
    In fact – this Mr. Kass’s precedent easily outdoes any legal 🙂

  35. John,

    I now have your version of the Band’s tune mercilessly running on a loop through my head…but what a perfect parody for this month’s “distinguished” winner!

  36. Big Fani is clearly the best choice!!!

    Isn’t interesting that all the tools “assigned” to prosecute/persecute Trump have the common thread of questionable ethics which border on criminality? The Puppetmasters want this trait as they can control these folks; I think the Puppetmasters are actually ok that the inevitable landmines are starting to take out limbs of their puppets as they only need one conviction (out of +90) to attain the goal. Use them and get rid of them…the landmines assist in the latter.

  37. “Fat-bottomed girls, you make the Moutza world go round”.
    Sorry, John; didn’t want you to be a one hit wonder.
    Progressive liberal Democrats could very easily sweep the Golden Moutza between now and November.
    How?
    Well, for starters, many of them believe it is the right-nay, their duty-to break the laws of the land and then scream racism if they are caught and charged.
    And that’s just the white liberals.
    The blacks think that letting them get away with crime are “reparations” for their centuries of suffering.
    I refuse to call illegal aliens “migrants”. They aren’t migrating. They are invading our nation. They are breaking our laws. They are stealing our money, enslaving kids, committing violent crime while giving us the middle finger.
    But, the Democrats see no problems with it. They want it to continue under a second Biden term.
    Jamie Raskin, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Eric Swalwell (The Three Stooges) are hard at work on legislation to disqualify Trump from running. They think they are being clever because they think they are so smart.
    You just might end up awarding a variety pack of Golden Moutzas.

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