Da Twelve Commandments

by Peter V. Bella

The Twelve Commandments contain the privileged expression of the laws of the Chicago Way. It is made known to us by divine revelation and by reasons known only to us, passed on through the decades.

Richard J. Daley, AKA Da OG Boss, called his flock to the base of what is known as Da Hall. He descended from the roof with the Twelve Commandments engraved large on two yellow legal pads. Da Boss knew he was not eternal. Da Boss wanted to ensure future Bosses had the same omnipotent power.

The religion of the Chicago Way demands total submission, fealty, and obedience to Da Boss, whoever he/she/they/them/it or whatever pronoun they favor may be.

 

The Twelve Commandments

  1. I am the Boss. Thou shalt not have strange Bosses before me. Thou shalt not adore false bosses nor serve them. There is and will only be one Boss. There is only One Faith, The Party.
  2. Thou shalt not take the Ruler’s name, the Boss in vain.
  3. Thou shalt keep the 1st and 16th, Tithe Day, holy. Tithe to the high priests of the Chicago Way.
  4. Honor thy sponsor and thy clout. You are here because of them. They raised you in the Organization and deserve your utmost respect.
  5. Thou shalt not kill. There are others for that.
  6. Thou shalt not commit adultery or sexcapades that could bring shame to your family, the Organization, and especially Da Boss. Thou shalt keep thy pickle in thy pants or thy legs crossed.
  7. Thou shalt not steal. The streets are paved with gold. Thou can make more with a nice suit and a soft voice than being a bandit.
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy fellow Organization members.
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s spouse, partner, side flings, their strange couplings, pets, whatever.
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s graft.
  11. Thou shalt not get caught.
  12. Thou shalt not talk.

These laws are essential. The Minionites required the laws to become a strong organization. They are pledging in these commandments their allegiance, loyalty, obedience, and respect to Da Boss and da Organization.

The first commandment makes clear who the Boss is. There shall be no other Boss in Chicago and Cook County. All adoration goes to the one and only Boss. Every new Boss will rule the faithful. Da Boss is the ultimate power. In the full passage of time, there have been many bosses. One fades away, a new boss is born. But there may only be one Boss who is Boss.

The Second Commandment ensures the Boss is always respected. The Boss is the Boss is the Boss. The Boss’s name is Holy. It must be used in reverence.

The Third Commandment ensures the Boss’s temple and temple priests stay well-funded. The Minionites are expected to make small tithes to their priests every payday.

The Fourth Commandment, honor your sponsor and clout, means you will always honor and respect the person or persons who brought you into the faith. You will unquestionably do their bidding like an obedient child.

The Fifth Commandment is in place so the faithful will not go off halfcocked. If someone must be eliminated, the Mother’s And Father’s Italian Association would be called upon through several intermediaries to handle the situation. The Organization is not barbaric.

The Sixth Commandment was put in place because the Boss was very straight-laced about marriage and everything sexual. He knew it would cause problems if sexcapades and shenanigans were discovered among his Minionites.

The Seventh Commandment prohibits outright stealing. There was plenty to be had for the taking without resorting to thieving.

The Eighth Commandment protects all officials from each other. Lying about your fellow organization members is not acceptable.

The Ninth Commandment is related to the Sixth. It prohibits people from even thinking about shenanigans and sexcapdes with other’s spouses, partners, pets, neighbors, or anyone else. Coveting leads to action.

The Tenth Commandment prohibits people from thinking about obtaining graft from their cohorts. There was plenty to go around. A person who covets others’ graft may be led to break the other commandments.

The Eleventh Commandment is here because getting caught was worse than violating the other Commandments. Getting caught deemed one a dumb f**k, never to be trusted again.

Da Boss was attuned to human nature. He knew people loved to gab, gossip, and brag. Da Boss also knew his flock was weak-kneed if they were caught with their hands in the cookie jar by the pagan Feds.

It is by their obedience to Da Boss’s Word that abundance comes. The Twelve Commandments are the Rules of the Road for the Organization. Submission, fealty, and obedience are demanded. The rewards for those who keep the faith are great. The punishments for those who are unfaithful are terrible.

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Peter V. Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer. He spent almost thirty years driving in square circles, serving and protecting the public. He is a photographer, writer, serious cook, and eater. Mr. Bella’s astrological sign is Skull and Crossbones. Mr. Bella’s preferred pronouns are it, deze, dem, doz, dere, and dat. In his spare time, Mr. Bella watches paint dry and spiders kill flies.