Chicago is a Hot Dog Town: Guide for Corrupt Corporate Journos at the DNC

By John Kass | August 19, 2024

There’s nothing like a classic Chicago hot dog for those poor starving political journalists from the corrupt corporate media who are doing all that heavy lifting at the Chicago Democrat Convention.

Making stuff up is hungry work. Pretending Vice President Kamala Harris isn’t a complete low-functioning economic illiterate is also hungry work. And American political journos have been making stuff up for years.

You know what else is hungry work? Writing all those stories about fencing and voter ID cards are racist, while the journos take refuge at the DNC behind fences as security guards check peoples IDs.

And as the Kamala Harris pro-Hamas wing prepares to protest and harass Jews, as they prepare to kick old Joe Biden off the stage while pretending that they care about his “feelings,” the journalists have several critically important jobs. Cheerleading for Kamala Harris while  and spreading the joy. Pretending she’s not an unhinged leftist. And with all that going on, denying reality–like the reality that her Soviet style price controls would strangle the economy.

So, they’ll be hungry. They might as well reach for the classic Chicago hot dog:

Natural casing for the snap, celery salt, yellow mustard, sport peppers, pickle, chopped onion, tomato and piccalilli on a steamed poppy seed bun. Oh, you don’t know  piccalilli? Well too bad. Ask the New York Times or MSNBC. You’ll need some.

It’s all such hungry work. Political journos have been cheerleading for Harris and selling her fantasies for years,  including last week’s pipe dream that her Soviet-style price control plan won’t crush the fragile American economy and drive inflation even higher. Her yearning to spew Marxist gibberish/ jabberwocky is profound as she marks American businesses for her absolute federal regulatory vengeance. Kamala insists she has “the will” to “snatch” patents from pharmaceutical companies. Businesses are told to either join her team, or suffer her wrath.

“Our election is about understanding the importance of this beautiful country of ours in terms of what we stand for around the globe as a democracy,” said Harris, channeling a ditzy Julia Louis-Dreyfus from “Veep.” “As a democracy! We know there’s a duality to the nature of democracy. On the one hand, incredible strength…We are all in this together.”

We’re in this together? Speak for yourself Madame Defarge. Even Obama’s economist is running away from your price controls scheme. The polls are about to catch up to you hon. Any day now.

But in the meantime, all this pretending how she’s feeling the joy is making political writers ravenously  hungry. Why? Fantasy is hard work. They’ve had to pretend that the Democrat Party actually cares about the middle class, even though they know the Democrat Party has been fueled and funded by the bi-costal elite that fears and loathes the American middle class. And now they feel the joy? Even through the guilt that they’ve killed journalism, pushing it over the cliff to go woke. They killed journalism by  supporting the COVID lockdown hysterics, glorifying the criminal George Floyd, insisting as they did that the Black Lives Matter riots that tore the blue cities apart were “mostly peaceful.”

But the protests weren’t “mostly peaceful.” Cities like Chicago still haven’t recovered from the BLM riots. Neither has the news media that lied for the left. Selling fantasy propaganda is tough work. Telling Americans that Harris’ Soviet style price controls won’t raise food prices is hard labor. Rather like pretending Gov. Fat Boy of Illinois didn’t break his own leg simply by just standing on it.

Taking the party approved Democrat memories and shoveling them into the mouths of voters is also agonizing, kinda like weeding an onion field in August, but without the dirt, onions or the weeds. Besides, journos have a lot of expense account drinking to do, and later comes the required bragging about of their amazing accomplishments and all their journalism awards with a capital J and references to “the Daleys” and “1968.”

So be kind to the working journos. I feel their pain. For decades I was among them, covering the national political conventions and padding expense accounts in New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cleveland, and yes Chicago. And they must pretend that just before Obama’s coup ended Joe Biden’s presidency, most Democrats didn’t want her. They considered her hapless, a loser, an embarrassment. And now they feel the joy?

I know what journalists need:

Free drinks and a carb high from Chicago style hot dogs.

The best Chicago hot dog is the Daisy Brand hot dog from the Crawford Sausage Company the pride of the South Side at 23rd and Pulaski. Another one is from the Vienna Beef Factory store on the North Side. Some gourmet fools go a bit too far, trying to put duck comfit on their dogs. Me? I’m a simple man. Although every few years or so, some fake foodie would show up in one of the newsrooms and insist that Chicago would become a hamburger town.

No. You want burger culture go to LA. Chicago is hot dog culture.

Journos at the convention are working extremely hard. Selling fantasy at a propaganda festival while mocking American voters as idiots and chumbolones by feeding them lies again and again about Kamala feeling the joy. That  is hard, grueling work.

For decades I was among them, covering the national political conventions and filing expense accounts in New York, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Cleveland, and yes Chicago. So I know what journalists need. And that’s why I put together this field guide for reporters. For example, many of them keep lying that crime has dropped in the big cities.  Crime has dropped in the U.S. cities. Really? Crime has dropped?  I suggest they take a tour, at night on the Chicago Transit Authority and ride the train alone like the poor women of color. They are our  victims of crime.

And now Democrat presidential nominee Kamala Harris and all of her corporate media allies ignore the fact that just two short years ago, Harris cast the deciding Senate vote to unleash the inflation tidal wave of $1.9 trillion in spending that has crushed the dreams of young and old.

But Kamala feels the joy and that’s a fine reason to have a Chicago dog, though I can’t vouch for any United Center hot dogs or other convention dogs. That seems dangerous. Best to get away from the corrupt politicians and the antisemitic Democrats and find yourself a good Chicago dog. You can eat standing up, because I know you’re in a hurry to report the news without fear or favor, because democracy dies in darkness. And you bring the light.

I’ll bring the mustard.

Every few years or so some journalist would fly into town,  survey the Chicago food scene and pronounce we were ready to join hamburger culture, as if we were in Los Angeles. This isn’t LA. This is Chicago. You want a cheeseburger go to the Billy Goat Tavern although before my quadruple bypass I was partial to the fried bologna sanguich. Since duSable traded whiskey to the Indians and Chicago since it’s beginning has been a town steeped in hot dog culture.

Kamala Harris’ running mate, Minnesota lockdown Gov. Tim Walz  likes white guy tacos.

“I have white guy tacos,” said Walz in a cringy “interview” with Harris.

“What does that mean? Like, mayonnaise and tuna?” Harris asked.

“Pretty much ground beef and cheese,” Walz said adding that black pepper “is the top of the spice level in Minnesota.”

That’s pathetic. And they know it. Their jokes are running out of gas, and the convention hasn’t officially begun. and soon American voters will be wise to them and she’ll drop her purring and that ridiculous sexy kitten act she used with Democrat boss Willie Brown.

Unfortunately, there has been too much bragging going on about unhealthy food. One place that doesn’t have to brag is Gene and Jude’s and of course I haven’t mentioned Johnnie’s Beef or real Chicago pizza. And I’m really partial for making my own Chicago dogs at home, either on the grill or with a smash of butter, rosemary and garlic in a sauté pan. That’s for another time, after these Democrats get out of town.

First they’ll wave a weepy goodbye to old Joe and pretend they’re not pushing him off their cliff, and squirt some fake tears as they bite down on the sport peppers in a honestly noble real Chicago style dog. That’s tasty, the Chicago Way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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(Copyright 2024 John Kass)

About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper. He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.

Comments 48

  1. John —

    As a former (4 time) resident, I agree — nothing quite like a “natural casing, Vienna Beef hot dog – run through the garden.”

    Although your “spell checker or upload program” missed and/or left out some words/phrases in the article – still a good read!

    Tom

  2. I haven’t had the “quad” yet so I still occasionally have the fried Bologna sanquich with grilled onions and a piece of Swiss melted between the meat, a little mustard and some good sturdy bread to hold all the drippings.

  4. This piece makes me hungry!
    We moved from Chicago in ’95 and every time we get to town it’s right to Portillo’s for a dog and a beef. Then, on the way home it the same at the Portillo’s in Springfield.
    Thanks for your writing, John. You’re the best!

  6. John, I know you were a Western Springs resident and now St. John so you’re excused from not knowing anything about hot dogs. If you’re in Chicago and on the south side, Fat Johnnies. You’re now educated. That is all.

  7. Kamala lived in Madison WI when she was in kindergarten and first or second grade. Her parents taught at UW, they lived on the West Side of town. The West Side of town here is where the “Elite” live and on the East Side is where the working class live by the now-closed Oscar Meyer plant. (no hot dogs but bacon and ham) Did Kamala grow up privileged? The Wisconsin State Journal ran a story about her Madison roots but never mentioned where she went to school. I would guess she went to Edgewood where professor kids go. Her parents left Madison for Cali, her dad went to Berkley, and her mom and the girls went to Stanford. I’m sure a good journo could find out what happened in Madison that led to Kamala having “Daddy” issues that led to her working for Willie Brown. She is just an empty pant-suit and perfect for the “Party”. Are any of Richard J. Daley’s cop’s grandkids working on the force or did they move to Indiana too? Hold the celery salt on my dogs John and thanks for all you do.

  8. North burbs have good dogs too, celery salt , onion, mustard, peppers, wedge of dill pickle, but don’t forget the neon green relish— a must!

    1. Michael’s in Highland Park, the best.
      In summer, DOCKSIDE DOGS, Waukegan, where you can sit on Lake Michigan and watch the boats come in and out. Plus 2 great ice cream spots adjacent to the dog stand. Tranquil bcuz there is also a large park. Plus u city folk can take north line Metra to Waukegan and walk over. Jose Guzman is proprietor and really nice guy.

  9. The 2nd district police commander has PTSD, can’t work the convention. 1000 Chicago cops can’t work the convention. Afraid of Kim Foxx prosecuting them if things get out of hand……

  10. JK;

    The country has been destroyed by the main stream media; we cant allow those who spread the propaganda anywhere near our fine Chicago cuisine.

  12. I can’t wait to see all the pretend tears when biden makes his speech. The same folks who forced him out unceremoniously will be sobbing and speaking of his “lifetime of dedication” to our country. Sad to see such self-serving dishonesty.

  13. Good morning John,

    I’m writing this before reading another comment. First, I wish you wouldn’t have divulged the “good” hot dog places. Why poison one of the last bastions of joy by having the pond scums invade our space. Give em the worst and let them choke on it.

    And as for the crime on the L. Mike Quigley has already taken care of that. For a week already, Metra has been running trains 7 days a week every hour on the North Central between Union Station and O’Hare. That’s 14 hours of trains, 7 days on a line that has all but 6 trains a day 5 days per week for the working folk. That’s a line that is duplicating Blue Line service to the airport. Blue Line that goes directly under terminal 2 as opposed to a shuttle to the people mover.

    How do I know it’s Mike Quigley ? On 3 occasions over the past year there were special “charter” ? trains that taxpayers paid for between Union Station and OHare. At least one occasion, he “wanted” to ride the engine and the Metra brass pow wowed him. For what it’s worth, he got freaked out at what he saw. I heard this from the engineer they recruited. They claimed they want the hour shuttle thing to be permanent, and it was all just a test, a research project, but now its clear the real reason – although it seemed that was clear from the start.

    Now there’s something you don’t hear from the “news media”.

  14. “Sexy kitten act??” Seriously? What are you talking about? If the old crank, white-guy club honestly believes the road to the WH is paved with sexist and bigoted comments, you are in for a rude awakening come November. Dave’s Red Hots, North Lawndale and Fatso’s in Ukranian Village. Bonus when the fries are wrapped in with the dog.

  15. Is it too early for a hotdog?
    Exciting news one can get a free abortion, or vasectomy at the DNC and after they can have a Chicago dog under a giant IUD.
    What have we become?
    The next few days will be interesting. Will we see more joy in the streets?
    Excellent column!

  16. My favorite is SuperDawg on Milwaukee and Devon. They have their own receipe.
    For a Polish: the stand at 31st and Canal. Great pork chop sandwich, too.
    Finally, you can order direct from Vienna shop 1/2 lb dogs during summer months.

  17. John,

    Shame on you! The picture at the top is NOT a Chicago Dog😰

    No pickle.

    No relish.

    Sautéed, not raw onions.

    No celery salt.

    Very disappointing 😰😰😰

  18. Gene and Jude / Johnnie’s Beef, thanks for the shout out to the Far west side eateries!!
    Great places then and now for us former Austinites!! Every now and then I will drive through the old neighborhood using my ‘gangster lean’ pose to look unintimidated and remember the good old days.

  20. John Kass, you are making my mouth drip with salivation and a need for a Chicago style Hot Dog….thank you.
    Did you bring your applause meter to the DNC to measure Biden’s welcoming applause? The devil made me say that…
    I have no plans on watching any of this “entertainment” and it was posted that Joe is leaving on AF1 as soon as he is finished his speech to go to California and meet up with Hunter and Jill at some kind of a resort owned by one of his mega buck donors. I guess this is meant to staunch the bleeding he is still fomenting from getting stabbed by so many “friends”….
    All our best to you and God bless you always John Kass.
    Tom

  21. The first of two comments: Why are you telling the propagandists where the good places to eat are located? Let them venture out on their own into the neighborhoods so they can be mugged, carjacked or beaten because they’re the wrong enthnicity. They deserve no less.

    1. Michael’s in Highland Park, the best.
      In summer, DOCKSIDE DOGS, Waukegan, where you can sit on Lake Michigan and watch the boats come in and out. Plus 2 great ice cream spots adjacent to the dog stand. Tranquil bcuz there is also a large park. Plus u city folk can take north line Metra to Waukegan and walk over. Jose Guzman is proprietor and really nice guy.

    1. But it’s perfectly OK for greasy spoon waitresses nationwide to refer to their male customers as “hon”.
      Lighten up, Frances.
      (Note that I did not mis-gender you by using the usual “Francis”. Do I get extra fem brownie points???)

      1. “..greasy spoon waitresses??” Seriously? The 1960’s called, they want their reference back. A man telling a woman what should and shouldn’t offend her, perfect metaphor for MAGA.

  24. Piccalilli, eh? At first, I thought I’d finally found the official name for that bright green sweet relish you guys use, but none of the pictures accompanying the google search looked anything like that.
    Me? As an ex-Detroiter, I’m partial to Coney Islands (Greek-style chili, chopped raw onions and yellow mustard).

  25. I grew up by Grand/Pulaski & Jimmy ‘s Hot Dogs. When I bought a house near Belmont/Harlem I went to Gene & Jude’s. Too many great places in the city & surrounding counties. I prefer mustard, onions, sport peppers. I enjoy the ones with pickle, tomato, & cuke slices added. A good chili dog with mustard & onions. Bishops had good chili. Add a Supreme tamale.

  26. Unless the Dems burn down Chicago like they did in 1968, Kackling Kamala and Tampon Tim are going to win in November. Senile Joe was the only candidate that Donald Trump could beat. Now senile Joe is gone. The tables have turned: Donald now is the old geezer. And rather than attack Joe and Kamala’s disastrous past policies, Donald Trump unsurprisingly is still fighting the “steal” of 2020. And still calling people’s names … his same old playbook. Well that worked well for Donald Trump’s core supporters – and when ole Joe was the opposition – but now in order to win in November he will need more than that. And his usual game plan ain’t gonna get more than that. So get set for a far left Marxist administration in November. Hopefully the black market will step up to satiate our Chicago Dog cravings after the Harris/Walz price controls result in their predictable scarcity

      1. You may be right. She may not be a far left Marxist. Clearly though she is a leftist. Clearly she lines up closer to socialism than free market capitalism … that should be obvious to anyone seriously proposing price controls of free markets. Price controls are a hall mark of marxist economic systems … although – as you imply – not all who propose such systems are Marxists or even socialists … former President Richard Nixon for one.

        1. Yeah I mostly agree with you. I don’t like wage/ price controls either and I remember when Nixon did that in the early 70s.
          If Harris gets elected, I think she’ll be forced to move more toward the center which is good.

  27. John Kass- I realize that for political purposes you are hoping for an economic calamity before the November election.
    But don’t you think it’s time for you to retire your ridiculous poll about the US and recession?
    Inevitably the next recession will happen sooner or later, regardless of who is president.
    But an economic recession is a bad thing and many people get hurt. So please quit your wishful thinking that it will happen before the next election. Not patriotic at all.

    1. I think you’re projecting Bob. I seriously doubt John Kass wishes for economic suicide. Just because one intensely dislikes the present regime in DC, that does not mean one necessarily wishes for a recession … an event possibly resulting in economic self immolation. I find the poll interesting since despite my age, I remain – as always – heavily invested in stocks. And despite ominous indicators – in particular creeping unemployment and persistent inversion of the treasury yield curves – no recession as of yet. So yeah, objective data point to recession, but the economy has a way to surprise us good or bad … even the experts as we have learned can be badly fooled. By the way. I voted NO recession. LOL.

      1. Mr. Kleinman thanks again for your response.
        I also am heavily invested in stocks, and therefore I am definitely better off now than I was four years ago. I realize there are no guarantees and not everyone is invested in stocks. But I’m so tired of hearing how bad this economy is right now when actually it is quite good. And of course that could change at any time.
        I also voted “no” regarding recession.

        1. I agree. As far as stocks go if you look at overall stock market performance since 1950 it is irrelevant who is in the WH. If one was to enter and leave the market based upon who controlled the WH one would have been making an egregious error as opposed to someone who just stayed in regardless.

          As far as the overall economy goes, I think while we are in no recession, and the economy has done well, I believe it could have boomed under policies encouraging American energy independence, less regulation and less taxes … the usual Republican liturgy. That said however, the protectionist tariffs proposed by Trump as well as his opposition are universally bad and do far more economic harm than good.

  28. I think I’ll be putting a few Vienna Beef Kielbasa Dogs on the grill today myself; but hold the tomatoes – that’s as bad as ketchup.
    Amazing how supposedly ‘feminist’ Dems always tout two women who rose via men: Hillary Clinton, who married a future governor, and Kamala Harris, who used an affair to start and advance her career, and then mock any Republicans who did it on their own as ‘…not really pro-women’. About as ‘feminist’ as Maude, who married and divorced her way to her position.

  29. So far the convention been a bust. Nauseating to watch. Seeing Hiliary again, reminded me of why Orange Man won. She’s finger nails on black board. She’s Angela Langsbury in Manchurian candidate. Grating to say the least.
    Bill and Barack will get the biggest cheering. A wife cheating pot head and a bisexual mongrel. Everything the Dems stand for.
    Where’s the rioting? The real show is outside watching the demonstrators, ie womyn dressed as abortion pills, cracked me up. Megyn Kelly showed these actors. She had a hard time not cracking up herself. Free abortions, IUDs and vasectomies, Monday only. Kelly really nailed when she said the free vasectomies was sponsored by a famous hot dog stand in Chgo: WEINER CIRCLE. Politics can be fun, sometimes.
    Without ’68 or BLM Boul Mich rioting this convention will be a bust.
    BTW John paid a visit on her show. John u looked great, tip top physically and you filled the sport coat like an athlete. Keep it up, stay healthy. No smoking, no more drinking. Stick to grilling healthy food.

  30. Random thoughts that I noticed. Have others.
    1. Does Kackling Kamala wear only ONE UNIFORM WITH COLOR CHANGES. .
    2. IS WALZ the biggest clown ever. His moves and wide mouth panting is annoying as hell. I mean, doesn’t he watch film of himself. He’s a woopie cushion type clown. Something out of a Laurel and Hardy movie where they went to the convention of fez wearing hats. Walz screams I’m a clown. Why hasn’t press pointed this out. Oops rhetorical ? Never mind.q
    3. I kno the column John wrote is hot dog related but is there a better hamburger that Top Notch on 95th and western. Better go b4 the hood gets really bad. And it’s close.

  31. Ain’t gonna be no 1968 convention disco demolition follies this time around. Taking a page from the Jesse Jackson handbook they’ll pay off the thugs big money and when it’s all done, brag about how well things were managed. Take the journos on a scenic bus ride to my old neighborhood around 73rd and Halstead. Looks like photos I’ve seen of Berlin after the war. Don’t give them info about the good stuff left in the city. They won’t be able to tell the players without a program. Maybe a few will get lost wandering around on their own.

  32. John, great piece. A Lithuanian guy pedaled a bicycle mounted hot dog cart around Marquette Park in the 50’s that we teenagers ordered from and for 20-cents a throw we stuffed our faces with Chicago dogs. I can still taste them. Loved your interview on Megyn Kelly yesterday.

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