By John Kass
August 30, 2022
Look to the horizons and bear witness to the never-ending horde of nincompoops. Look around you in your local drug store for an idiot alone.
You will see the morons, the vanguard of the Idiocracy.
Like those celebrity climate hypocrites who lecture us on our carbon footprints while burning fuel in their luxury private jets. And the FBI agents playing partisan political games, putting their thumbs on elections?
What of those left wing big city mayors of Sanctuary Cities who don’t want Illegal Migrants sent to their towns? Wait. They’ve only received a few busloads of illegal migrants from Texas and they’re having a fit. What about the millions streaming across the non-existent Southern Border and with them, all that fentanyl poisoning American kids? Have the Sanctuary City mayors complained about President Biden’s non-existent border? No.
And those imbeciles using the Bible to protect Biden from legitimate criticism of his unfair and cynical trillion-dollar student loan scam, in which the working classes subsidize college tuition of doctors, lawyers and the like.
The political activists making excuses for the growing lawlessness in the big cities.
Also, the beloved White Sox and the thoroughly unlovable Chicago Fire F.C. that send their fans into the frozen mud pits of sports fan hell. Fire, I’ve foolishly wasted 12 years of my life on your Season Tickets. Fire? You Moutza me and I pay you for abuse?
And that angry guy in the arm-sling at the Walgreens, who was complaining about the temporary but critical shortage of nose tissue at that one store—the one he was standing in–during allergy season as he sniffled on Sunday.
“What’s that?” said someone in line, noticing the angry man’s obvious Greek hand gesture of disgust.
It’s a Moutza, I said. You don’t have tissue? Are you kidding? It’s allergy season!!!
Indeed. Civilization is a tenuous experiment.
“John, can you Moutza the month (of August)?” asked reader Pete Sremac, when nominations were opened. “Way too many worthy candidates and not enough hands to properly acknowledge them all. NAH.”
But can a month—a period of time corresponding to the cycles of the moon—feel any shame? No. That’s the issue. Without shame, there is no civilization. Barbarians feel no shame.
“Time to start really thinking,” said Deyanne Gabriel. “So many. But there can be only one.”
Yes Deyanne. Many idiots are loose in the world in August. But there can be only one winner of the Golden Moutza of the Month.
You know how this works. Toward the end of the month, readers find me on social media to nominate their favorite worthies, often with a news link, and a hearty “Nah!” (here) or “Parta” (take them) or my old-school favorite “Feesah Etho” (Blow on it).
Danny Carlino nominates “the people comparing student loan forgiveness to (the federal) Paycheck Protection Program, or referring to Christianity being all about forgiven debts, as if Christ being crucified to forgive our sins is in any way related to being a deadbeat mooch. Could you conceive of a more ridiculous train of thought? Sacrilege! BLASPHEMY!!”
Just a second there Danny while I put on a kettle of oil to boil, not that I’d dip a blasphemer in there or anything. That would be uncivilized.
Ok Van Gundy? Nah!
Reader Lin Feddor Cappozzo asked: “May I nominate two at once? Eric Adams and Muriel Bowser
“Eric Adams and Muriel Bowser,” said Cappozzo. “How does one claim they are a ‘Sanctuary City’ yet not want immigrants? Calling for the National Guard? Really? In the word jumble that is prevalent today, wouldn’t that make them ‘xenophobic?’ Nah.”
But a few pushed the envelope a bit too far. And some demanded that President Joe Biden, aka “The Big Guy” aka “President 10 Percent” aka Susan Rice’s Meat Puppet, should win the Golden Moutza of August.
“Joe Biden, hands down,” insisted Vicky Iwanow Ziemba. “Too many Moutza-worthy actions (and inactions) to list! NAH!!!! PARTA!! (Take them) Feesah etho!!! (Blow on it).”
Ms. Ziemba? Impressive. Most impressive. But no POTUS Moutza on my watch.
We will not act like MSNBC hosts and viewers. We are not the left-wing Twitter fever swamps. We are not the navel gazers at editorial boards of woke newspapers.
We respect the office of the president. And even if his meat puppeteers don’t respect the presidency, we respect it. Even if he doesn’t, and it’s clear he does not. He’s just branded 75 million Americans as “fascists” for disagreeing with his politics. That’s shameful. Talk about irresponsibly bringing out the tomahawks.
But we respect the republic. And there is that sacred document, the Moutzatution, that guides us in difficult times.
The Moutzatution is quite clear. Presidents are exempt and cannot win the Golden Moutza. If presidents were eligible, we’d be overwhelmed with Obama Biden and Trump nominations. Way too easy and incendiary. It would be like condemning all those who disagree with you as “deplorable” sub humans.
And remember what Benjamin Franklin told the old lady in Philadelphia, that we’d been given “a republic, if you can keep it.” Despite these political clowns, we will keep it.
“Yianni,” said cousin Leo G. Manta, “I know you said we can’t nominate the president, but this time it’s gotta be Joe Biden for his unconscionable student loan “forgiveness” that we are now saddled with, including high gas and energy costs, double digit inflation, skyrocketing crime, illegals pouring in without end, more income tax levies along with more armed IRS agents, burgeoning and unsustainable national debt.”
Leo, I agree on so much of what you said. But the Moutzatution is clear. The president is exempt. He cannot formally receive the Golden Moutza of the Month.
If you really want to drive him crazy, remember to vote on Nov. 8.
I’m no theologian. But I am a sinner. Danny Carlino’s warning about those who bend the sacred to serve their cynical power politics–like Biden’s vote buying scam– is worth further consideration.
“Could you conceive of a more ridiculous train of thought?” asked Carlino.
No. I cannot. I’m sick of seeing left-wingers in politics, and those with positions in media, constantly twisting religion to suit their political ends, as if they understood the mind of God. It’s equally revolving to see the same from the political right. You play a game about thinking you know God’s mind?
Defending the political hackery of the Biden tuition scheme is all about making the working class pay for college tuitions of the elite. And it’s about giving Biden cover to take our money and buy his votes. But despite the left’s dangerous hubris, the president “forgiving” student debt of his political supporters isn’t the same as Jesus Christ forgiving our sins.
And still, former basketball coach Stan Van Gundy–clearly no theologian, he–posted a meme. It showed an image of Jesus, with Van Gundy adding, “Jesus’s miracle of the loaves and fishes was a slap in the face to all the people who brought their own lunch.”
Republican logic. pic.twitter.com/9DAPWgvMLm
— Stan Van Gundy (@realStanVG) August 27, 2022
Lift up your own face, Van Gundy. But not your eyes. They don’t deserve to look to heaven.
You win the Golden Moutza of the Month.
That meme might just knock you off Jacob’s ladder. And be happy this is not the Middle Ages.
Blow on it.
(Copyright 2022 John Kass)