Behold: Your Golden Moutza of the Month

by John Kass

October 1, 2023

With Democrats running around with their hair burning over the Joe Biden Democrat dumpster fire, it might not be prudent to provoke the commies (as we affectionately call them), by awarding the Golden Moutza of the Month.

But it’s that time, isn’t it? And I’ve got a job to do, without fear or favor.

There are so many worthies this month, more than usual, from Senator Gold Bars to the mayor and his queen bee and Fox News for their embarrassing handling of the GOP debate.

I suppose the wise thing for me to do chill because I really don’t need another stroke and heart attack, and relax far from the pressures of city life, lounging around in the bucolic splendor of the green acres around here, where they don’t beat you half to death against a fence while you’re eating a slice  of pizza and you don’t feel the need to go strapped to the Walgreen’s to just to pick up your pharma in Chicago.

The Bolshevik cult leader and Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson has forbidden the use of the name of Chicago to we refugees who’ve fled rather than be killed or robbed, beaten, humiliated or otherwise abused.

The cry: Get Chicago out yo mouf!!

They don’t want you to say a thing as they kill the city we love, but they do want your sales taxes.

But Mayor Johnson?

C’mon man.

Green Acres is the place to be.

Farm livin’ is the life for me.

Land spreadin’ out so far and wide,

Brandon? Keep your Johnsonville Tent Cites, your violent crime, taxes, economic failure, your sanctuary city breeding scabies and TB in your Chicago refugee camps and your lectures about what to say and not to say.

Just give me that Hoosier countryside.

But what about Stacy, the puppet mistress of Mayor Brandon? She tells him what to think, what to say, how to play the race card to keep those perpetually frightened tiktok addled white lefties in line. And she whips up the Soros bots telling us to shut up.

No thank you.

Gates was revealed as a world class phony and hypocrite for trying to kill opportunity scholarships for low income Chicagoans including minorities to attend private schools, only to then pull her own child out of a Chicago public school and enroll him in a private Catholic school.

Why?  Because he loves soccer, she said. Moron.

“Hypocrisy and blatant incompetency are core Moutza components. And in terms of the former, it’s tough to beat CTU boss Stacy Davis Gates this month,” writes Ann MacIntosh Baker. “As you so eloquently stated in your column Gates is an Olympian in the Hypocrite Arts.

“School Choice is RACIST, she stated in 2022 and labeled private schools ‘segregation academies.’ Yet when it comes to her own family, apparently the segregation academies are just fine. Her son just wants to play soccer. Right. No one’s buying that baloney Ms. Gates. Here’s one big fat flying NAH to you.”

I added to the flames when Mayor Johnson took Democrat political boss Toni Preckwinkle to the White House. Sun Times reporter Lynn Sweet wrote a story and I retweeted Sweet’s touching photo noting that it was nice Brandon brought his dear old grannie to the White House and didn’t have to bring Stacy Davis Gates with him.

“Isn’t that sweet?” said WGN radio executive producer Jeff Carlin, co-host of our Chicago Way podcast. “She has a nice sense of humor!”

Indeed she does.

And before I start singing Smoky Robinson’s “Tears of a Clown” in a high, reedy falsetto, know there are other worthy nominees.

U.S. Rep. Lauren Boebert, R., Colo. “Bobert at the performance of Beetlejuice in Denver,” said Kathleen Keating. “Hands down.”

“Yeah, hands down her boyfriend’s pants,” said Barbara Ellis.

I’ve heard Republicans try to excuse her slutty behavior. Pathetic. She’s a pig and anyone defending her is a fool.

Nah (with gloves on).

President Let’s Go Brandon is exempt, as all presidents  are exempt because we must respect the office of the presidency even if  The Big Guy doesn’t–and neither does Chinese intelligence because they bought him– but there are other worthies.

Da Bears..” wrote Charles Katz “,for embarrassing Chicago. The Bears moutza includes the players, the coaching staff, management and last but not least ownership. Feesa Etho!”

“Chicago Bears Nah,” wrote Tommy Callas.

“So many worthy candidates, but only one can win,” notes John Allen. “Chicago’s Brandon for his communist grocery stores and tent cities for the invading alien army. The head vegetable in Washington for blaming that invasion and all the other problems caused by his misguided policies on Trump. Chuck Schemer for always looking over his glasses at us like some stern school marm while he relaxes the rules of decorum to accommodate a guy who refuses to wear the proper uniform. The senator from Pennsylvania who is so addled that he thinks shorts, T-shirt and hoodie IS the proper uniform. AOC for using the pandemic as a reason to buy an electric car. The gaslighted voters who elected ALL the schmos listed above. The left-wing propaganda machine — otherwise known as the news media — for gaslighting all those voters. EVERY one of them deserves the moutza. NAH! Feesa Etho.”

Lin Feddor Cappozzo nominates indicted New Jersey Democratic Senator Robert Mendendez.

“Gold bars, cash and cars. Wonder what that bought? Hmm. Claims he will not resign. From the party that screams no one is above the law. Nah!”

And what’s with his wife? Two pigs.

Danny Carlino:

“Dana Perino for asking that dumb question at the end of the Republican debate and even worse phrasing asking who should be voted off the island.

Tom Winike:

“Moutza to the irresponsible hooligans who posted a “nude beach” sign at Loyola Beach. Don’t they realize it’s near the Pritzker Mansion ? The prospect of Hippo-man JB frolicking naked in the sand like hippies at Woodstock is terrifying. It’s a miracle the stained-glass at Loyola’s chapel wasn’t struck by lightning from above. Nah!

David Kleckner:

‘I like the woman in Michigan who had a really crappy day when she lost her Apple Watch in the outhouse and had to be rescued after going in to retrieve it. Nah!”

I’d give Moutzes 24-7 to the MORONS who watch that TV show called the “Golden Batchelor.” Keep your clothes on ladies. Eewww, gross.

Also, FOX News disastrous coverage of the Republican debate could fill an entire column, along with Dana Perino’s idiotic “Survivor” style questions, and Ilia Calderón–the Univision personality embarrassment whose constant stream of appeals to identity politics was more fitting for out-takes for “The View” than a Republican debate. The war party establishment wing–reflected by the National Review and FOX News support of Nikki Haley– in full-throated cry, but Haley’s love of endless foreign wars (and love of the big campaign bucks from the Masters of War–runs counter to the aspirations of the GOP base. They’re no longer thrilled by Bush style neo-con politics.

Most Republicans are appalled by the War Party’s propaganda for more and more tax dollars for Ukraine, as the conflict threatens to explode into nuclear war and American small business suffers and President Biden has decided that the U.S. has no Southern border as China and the Mexican cartels keep shoveling fentanyl in the mouths of our kids.

The Democrats and Republicans are to blame for what’s happening on our border. We don’t even know who has come in illegally, how many from China and the Middle East, how many terrorists, how many who wish us harm. And if they cause harm, people like Joe Biden and Mitch McConnel will say they just didn’t know.

And they’ll cash in their benefits from China as we mourn the lost of our country.

But all politics are local, and all Golden Moutzas are personal. Which brings me to Ann MacIntosh Baker and Jennifer Husak Boehm–who joined dozens and dozens of you demanding the Golden Moutza for Mayor Johnson’s brain,  the race card expert with a sense of humor, Stacy Davis Gates.

“CTU President Stacy Davis Gates for defending son’s private school enrollment when she’s against school choice,” said Jennifer Husak Boeh. “Hypocrite!! Nah ”

Any parent should be able to choose the best school for her child. And please media, please Democrats, don’t ignore those parents who struggle against impossible odds to give their children the chance at freedom from sub-standard public schools.

But those who play the race card —to prevent others from doing what she herself had done—should hold her head high so that all parents  could see all of her profile.

You’re a one-eyed Jack, Stacy Davis Gates. All of Chicago has seen the other side of your racist hypocrite face. And all those supporting CTULocal1 over this one make fools out of themselves.

Stacy Gates, bull crap “soccer mom?”

Open your mouth, breathe deep, and accept this Golden Moutza of September.

It’s all for you honey.

Nah!

Feesah Etho.

Parta!

-30-

Comments 47

  3. Your columns are great until you get to your senseless commentary about “the Washington War Party” that wants to support Ukraine – like the way the U.S. protected Greece in 1947 from the Russians. Was Harry Truman wrong at that time? Would you have liked Greece to fall to the Communists the way you’re apparently content to see Putin take over Ukraine? Just asking.

    1. “…like the way the U.S. protected Greece in 1947 from the Russians.”

      Not sure what you’re smoking, but wouldn’t mind trying some on a day I don’t need to use my brain.

      The Greeks stopped the Albanians (NOT the SOVIETS) with their own blood and guts – and a very small contingent of American Soldiers, who were the forerunners of our Special Forces guys.

      We supplied mostly surplus small arms left over from WWII.

      The mission of the Americans was to teach how to use the weapons, not how to fight. The Greeks knew more about fighting than damn near anyone on the planet – and had all the motivation in the world.

    2. i’m not sending my sons, is mitch mcconnell or the simps from NR sending their sons? in my opinion and i could be wrong, but i worry more about our borders than those of ukraine, thanks for weighing in, even if we disagree.

      1. John, I’m most always with you on topics near and far. That said, the horrors associated with massive combat and civilian casualties casualties during World War II were the result of appeasing Adolph Hitler. I get your point about ineffective regime change in Iraq and Afghanistan. So my question: what do you have against the US and Europeans backing
        the Ukrainian people?

        All the best, no malice here intended…

        1. One doesn’t have to have anything against the people of Ukraine to NOT want to back an endless war with no zero internal controls, understanding of where money is going, and exactly how the war can be won.

          I would also say that one doesn’t have to have anything against the people of Ukraine to insist that Europe, where the war is being waged, carry much more of the financial burden. It’s time for Europe to take some of the social b.s. money they are passing out and use it to protect their own border and future. Especially true since Poland has announced its cutting back.

  4. Over 9,000 minority kids will be “kicked out” of charter, parochial and private schools when the tax payer funded INVEST IN KIDS program sunsets this year. Our politicians are under the thumb of the teachers union, period. Our governor and many Illinois congressmen/women send their kids to private, parochial, charter and suburban schools but want the thriving INVEST IN KIDS students returned to our failing public schools.
    A tragedy!

  5. Stacy Davis Gates. Yes, the true winner out of a cast of many. A world class fraud who thinks she is better than all the parents she supposedly watches out for. Next time, award the Moutza to the entire CTU, and you’ll cover Gates and Johnson.

  6. Ronald Reagan spent money we didn’t have to win the Cold War. Worth every penny! I also believe we should support Ukraine. And also support their efforts to get Crimea back. The world (the US really) needs to show Putin we will not allow him to cobble the USSR back together.

    I live in Denver now – still support the Bears – and in town to go to the game (which my brothers in law are referring to as the “Toilet Bowl”).

    It’s depressing to come back here. Been in Colorado for 20 years now. And it has has deteriorated as bad as Chicago has. The state of our nation – not good!

  8. Moutza? We all need to look in the mirror. “The people get the government they deserve” T Jefferson. Who elects these clowns? Who’s let them expand the government, allowed the corporations to infect business, politics, health care, media?

    If you look with an objective lens, both of these political parties that control the nation are nothing but clown shows.

    We let them give the keys to the nation to pharma, the military industrial complex, the elites in the universities with their various hustles, even so called conservative groups like CPAC, NRA, and churches. They’re all corporatized, monetized and weaponized against our freedoms as much as those bastards on the left.

    Trump is too venal, vain, and narcissistic to really do the job. If he truly loved the nation, his bull in the China shop act could do wonders to remedy our corrupt government.

    Congress is bought and paid for
    The deep state actually runs the nation
    The Supreme Court is politicized and corrupt itself
    The media carries water for the oligarchs and are mere stenographers instead of true reporters.

    I don’t care if you’re left or right, gay or straight, religious or not, this affects all of us.

    Our freedom is truly at stake and I don’t see where this lesser of two evils style of electing officials is benefitting any of us.

    We need to take the nation back from these clowns.

    Term limits
    Public financing of campaigns
    Let’s cut the units of government in Illinois in HALF!
    Cap property taxes for five years and limit increases to 2% a year.
    Eliminate pensions and lifetime health care for all elected officials.
    Strict ethics laws with draconian penalties for violations.
    Open books and continuous audits of every penny of public money that is spent.

    1. Another great column John. I’m glad you brought up the Republican debate on Fox. In my opinion nobody had any control and the panel was all talking at once. I respect Dana Perino but this was not her finest moment.

    2. You need to run. Your points are right on target and you can see through the smoke and mirrors which which the politicians want the chumbalones to think is “governance.”

  9. If you’re a prosperous democracy-loving Democrat like Gates who demands the end of school choice for poor city kids but sends your own precious sweetie to a private school, I know another policy you demand: The public must take public transportation. Like the Clintons, the Obamas, and the Biden-linked families who receive magical gifts from China, you demand all the proletariats use buses and “L” cars.

    Here’s a demand for real democracy: YOU Brandon voters should be required to use buses and “L” cars. Take them late at night and don’t avoid the neighborhoods for which you have such deep concern. Board that bus that has one or two other riders . . . who seem to be eyeballing you. As you’re out on the town, tell anyone you meet, “Hey, Mayor Lenin told me it’s safe out here, and I’m all for public transportation.”

    Then duck.

    1. “Here’s a demand for real democracy: YOU Brandon voters should be required to use buses and “L” cars. Take them late at night and don’t avoid the neighborhoods for which you have such deep concern. Board that bus that has one or two other riders . . . who seem to be eyeballing you. As you’re out on the town, tell anyone you meet, “Hey, Mayor Lenin told me it’s safe out here, and I’m all for public transportation.”

      Excellent!

      On the money!

  11. John, please “Shut The F–K Up About Hoosier countryside.”
    You have a propensity to promote our green acres and farm living. We don’t want the chumbalones that voted for Johnson to one day figure it out and bail east to Indiana. Keep the carjacking, murders, beatings, and tents in Chiraq where they belong!

      1. As a former Rogers Park resident (gee, I wonder if I’m still voting there?), long time Cubs fan (sigh!) and Bears fan (bigger sigh!), I’m all for Chicagoans moving to Indiana, as we don’t need them in Nebraska.

  12. All of these need Moutzas day and night! But Chicago Brandon, you hit a nerve in me.

    NAH! Feesa Etho!!! AND Chicago, Chicago, Chicago!!!! Born there. Raised there. Left there. Won’t go back there. CHI-CAGOOOOOO!!!!!!

    “Green Acres, we are thereeee!!”

  14. Perhaps, next month, we could include Gov Fats and the cabal leading the Village of Manteno for climbing in bed with the CCP and GOTION, by partnering with them in creating a lithium battery factory in the defunct Sears warehouse. We need a decent Chinese restaurant here not a CCP front. Thanks John.

  15. Yianni,
    Perfecto! They’re all “skoupidia,” and deserve all ten fingers and ten toes! Thanks for such an uplifting morning dose of reality!
    Stay well feele mou!!

  16. Excellent skewer! I had thought Menendez would run away with it- “Thar’s g-o-l-d in them thar Capitol Hills!”
    Gates should fall on her skewer. If you are in any elected office of any kind, holding decision-making responsibility for public education, it should be prohibited to send YOUR children to private schools. At a minimum, there must be full public disclosure. No wonder no one seems to care enough to improve Illinois public education.

  17. Let’s see if I have done my math correct. The cost to Illinois for the program is $75Mil (per an editorial I read in the Trib). The number of students is 9,000 making a cost of roughly $8,300 per student. An internet search said Chicago pays $14,559 per student to educate (? – probably wrong choice of words) for a total cost of $131Mil. So get $75Mil to spend $131Mil? Illinois math.

  18. Ok, I can live with that. That being said, what is the anti award for the BLM Brandon voters and the non-voters that got him elected with 19% of eligible votes? The Golden hammer and Sickle? We are watching our fellow citizens cut holes in the life rafts as we sit on the deck of the S.S. Chicago…going down fast.

  20. John, we applaud you for having to sort from so many candidates and narrowing it down to the lucky few that made the cut. You do the hard work so we don’t have to. I realize the time constraints of getting this article together mean no time for late additions so I’m going to help you get a start with the next cycle of Moutza. One of the Chicago communist party aldermen during a hearing on Chicago’s growing “migrant crisis” (it wasn’t a crisis till Democrat cities started getting them shipped over to them) demanded that small towns and suburbs need to step up to take some of these new arrivals. This stated while the city was crying poor over having to feed, house, medical care its new “migrants ” seeking sanctuary in their sanctuary city. Someone should remind our Red Brigade Comrade that small towns usually have tighter budgets and oversight making the theft of public monies harder to commit than the stealing that occurs in that fair city. Fourteen thousand dollars a week for a “migrant coordinator”? Sounds about right. I know Oak Lawn, Evergreen Park and other neighboring south suburbs can’t wait to join Chicago into the financial insolvency sweepstakes. Maybe Chicago could send the new laborers/ fast food workers to the very liberal JB Pritzker loving North Shore? Hey. Watch it now. Lets not get ridiculous ok? That wouldn’t sit well with Brad Schneider and Rajas wine and cheese voters. Chicago is where they belong. I’m sure the tax revenue these highly paid workers are going to generate will more than cover the financial bill so its obvious subliminal racism might be at play here. Yes, heres another. In today’s newspaper (Houston Chronicle 10/01) an article on page A4 titled “Remains uncovered of seven victims of Tulsa race massacre” written by AP reporter Ken Miller. In the fifth paragraph he states,
    ” ..none of the remains found thus far have been confirmed as victims of the massacre…”. Laughable? I guess. Certainly worthy of the old ” National Lampoon”. I guess I’m just a biased, paranoid, conspiracy loving Maga Republican. I guess. I recently related to my wife as the election cycle nears the media is starting to round up black voters to get back to the Democrat plantation so we’re starting to see the usual Emmit Till, racist voter suppression, and any anti police story hyper magnified in mass media in order to bring the voters back. We certainly wouldn’t want them to stray too far now, do we? Hopefully this can help with more much needed Moutzas. Best wishes to you and your family John. In Moutza we trust.

  22. Many people continually ask why the voters elect the same Bolsheviks into office in every Chicago election cycle. They also ask why blacks( greater than 90% in the city)continually vote Democrat when the data indicates the black community is much worse off after the trillions spent on Great Society laws. In my opinion, welfare benefits are the equivalent of an insidious, deleterious narcotic that destroys a human and creates DEPENDENCY on taxpayer handouts from Democrats. The “dealers” can be white autocrats (Pritzker, et al.), black hypocrites (Gates, et al.), and Bolsheviks if all races. That’s why democrats win in a place like Chicago, notwithstanding the dystopian living conditions. Sad state of affairs.

  23. I can’t argue with your choice in such a target-rich month; however, my pick would have been 1. Menendez, 2 the voters who elected him after his last hung jury, and 3. Sen. Cory ‘Spartacus’ Booker who appeared as a character witness.
    By the way, have you ever considered that the small fraction of our defense budget spent in Ukraine [much less that the cost of sending an army of our own] has resulted in a gutted Russian military with no real hope of invading Europe for the next 10 [?] years or so? This permits the reallocation of resources against China. From a cost vs benefit analysis, it looks good – so far. The emphasis [and pressure?] now ought to be on a peace settlement, we’ve already gotten the most we can out of this.

  24. John, you are completely back….God bless you.
    My only criticism is: you must be listening to too much Merrick Garland with line of fear or favor….God bless you John Kass.
    Your Golden Moutza is well done and well deserved by this fraud of a woman.
    Keep on keeping on John Kass.
    Tom

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