By John Kass
May 1, 2022
You don’t need me to tell you to give your Moutza whenever, wherever you want. For now, you’re still free Americans and the White House hasn’t yet made Thought Crime a felony. That could come next week, with the rat cage on the face.
But for now, we have liberty to Moutza, which keeps the Idiocracy at bay. And today is the day we bestow the Golden Moutza of the Month.
The past several weeks it’s been like a plague of Zombies out there. So many hordes of psycho chumbolones, stupid idiots, hysterical nincompoops and crazed malakismeni running around loose that there aren’t enough hands to Moutza them all on the left and on the right.
Many are journalists “triggered” by fear of Freedom of Speech and Elon Musk purchasing Twitter, the modern public square. Musk has criticized Twitter for censoring and suppressing news, like the Hunter Biden laptop story about the suspected Biden family bagman. Musk insists he’s a Free Speech absolutist. This terrifies the Democrats fearful of losing control of the propaganda. And it thrills Republicans, who rush to fashion Musk into their golden god, much like Democrats and Hopium smoking White House journos making a god of former President Barak Obama, but without the clay feet.
To calm the nation, the Biden Administration has launched a Ministry of Truth. Orwell couldn’t make this stuff up. “President” Biden calls it the Disinformation Governance Board in the Department of Homeland Security that reportedly guards against terrorists unless they come up through the non-existent southern border. The Ministry of Truth is run by Nina Jankowicz, a certified liar, a singer of show-tunes and self-proclaimed leftist disinformation specialist.
“You can just call me the Mary Poppins of disinformation,” she sang prophetically as Jonathan Turley, a Chicago guy and law professor, explains here:
The Mary Poppins of Disinformation? Perfect, Nina. Perfect.
Reader Craig Eberhard states the obvious painful fact: “One thing is for sure, there is never a shortage of candidates!”
Yes, my friend. You can’t count all the grains of sand on all the beaches in the world, either. But we’ve got to try. And just as it was in the days of old, Moutza nominations are opened on my two Facebook pages near the end of the month. Wise readers provide news links to buttress their nominations and offer a hearty “Nah!” (here) “Parta” (take them) or “Feesah Etho!” (Blow on it) in the manner of my ancient Hellenic ancestors.
Let us begin, shall we?
“That $17 million per year Twitter lawyer crying in a meeting,” says Alex Lekas, who by DNA and early childhood training is well practiced in the Moutza arts.
“That same woman was involved in Trump being booted from the platform was apparently also called out for poor judgment in the decision to spike the NY Post story on Hunter’s laptop.
Nah. Parta! Ola. Kai Feesah Etho! (Here, take them all, and blow on it right here!!!)” says Lekas.
Peter Yastrow picks a growing issue. Those student loans you struggle to pay off, but now “President” Biden wants them excused, to buy votes? That should make parents in Lake Forest and Hinsdale happy after their children majored in gender studies and now have to go to Disney World to find jobs.
“Anyone who wants student loan forgiveness,” says Yastrow. “The winners are the lenders! They can lend without scrutiny or due diligence to anyone and everyone, knowing they get bailed out!! Who do really wants loan forgiveness? They have a bulletproof business model, lend to nincompoops, get paid back by everyone. If you’re too stupid to see the scam, NAH!”
The reader called “Beer Girl” gave her Moutza to a brewery for making it difficult for her to get their fine product.
“The New Glarus Brewery for not exporting their great beers,” says Beer Girl. “And for making me venture into the wilderness of Wisconsin! So, NAH to you New Glarus Brewery!!! Blow on it!!”
I haven’t sampled their product. And I really can’t say Beer Girl is a girl, well, because we haven’t met and I’m not a biologist? But beer is sacred.
Martha Strawbridge is a mom, entrepreneur, California wine connoisseur, Chicago Bears fan and lover of dachshunds and hot tubs. She’s also a killer when she delivers the Moutza at her dinner parties. No fool is safe.
“So many options,” said Strawbridge, trained in marine biology, proceeded to eviscerate—as she would a fetal pig in biology class–the lighter-than-air Pete Buttigieg, the Democratic mannequin; and departing White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, whose last name means “Searcher” but not for the truth.
But Strawbridge settled on Ari Melber of MSNBC, the angry neo-Marxist network. Like many corporate “journalists,” he has no sense of irony or self-reflection when it comes to Muskphobia.
“I think my nomination has to go to Ari Melber, for the most remarkable self-own the world of broadcasting has ever seen,” she said.
To buttress her claim, she quoted Melber in his own words ranting about Musk’s purchase of Twitter. The left just hates it when you quote them.
“If you own all of Twitter or what have you, you don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t even have to be transparent,” said the horrified Melber with a straight face. “You could secretly ban one party’s candidate or all of its candidates, all of its nominees. Or you could just secretly turn down the reach of their stuff and turn up the reach of something else and the rest of us might not even find out until after the election.”
Like all muskphobic journalists, he ignores the inconvenient truth of Twitter censorship of Republicans and problematic news like the Hunter Biden story, the outright banning of former President Donald Trump, and the millions of Zuckerbucks used to shape the local election apparatus in key swing-states in 2020.
Strawbridge: “Nah!! Blow on it Ari! Because I’m laughing so hard, I can’t even catch my breath.”
Notorious Moutza outlaw David Kleckner dares nominate Obama which is against the rules. Presidents are exempt. Even “President” Biden. It says so in the Moutzatution.
“I nominate Barack Obama, who is now eligible as president behind the curtain, along with the U of C and their how-to-spread-disinformation conference, especially after they got taken to woodshed by the students at Chicago Thinker.
Nah!” says Kleckner.
I shan’t send Kleckner into exile, and drive him from the land without fire, shelter or water, because he makes an important point about the brave students at The Chicago Thinker publicly taking Obama’s conference down. I agree.
Obama began pushing his disinformation nonsense at that conference. And just days later, as if by coincidence, the Ministry of Truth was hatched, and Nina Jankowicz popped out.
Just wait until she grows her other eight heads.
There were many worthies, from the jesters suckers and one-eyed jacks at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, to Mayor Phallus Maximus and Gov. Commodius Maximus playing election year gas gimmick scams. Jussie Smollett has a new single out. Taylor Lorenz and her doxing of the Libs of Tik Tok after she cried about meanies on social media herself.
And I promised one to Sen. Ed Markey, D, Commonwealth of Chumbolonia, for demanding that Twitter institute “Algorithmic Justice,” conveniently avoiding what Twitter has done to dissenting points of view with the zeal of witch burners of old.
— John Kass (@John_Kass) April 28, 2022
Nina Jankowicz has just hatched. Let her ripen. That Illinois politicians play you for fools is something you all know too well. Political hypocrites abound.
But Martha Strawbridge’s moutza of MSNBC’s Ari Melber perfectly illustrates the plight and fate of corporate media today as Biden launches the Ministry of Truth.
Melber is representative of the class. There are so many witless fools crawling upon the remains of corporate legacy media that if it were an island, it would sink.
Martha, your Moutza was bleepin’ golden. And say hi to Bill, but the Bears still suck.
And Ari? Please lift your chin and accept this honor on behalf of all journalists just like you.
The Golden Moutza of April is right in your face. You’ve earned it.
Nah! Feesa etho! Kai Parta!
And eat it.