By John Kass

December 1, 2022

Are there enough hands in the world to provide Golden Moutza justice to the Republicans for the Red Wave that Wasn’t? Are there enough hands to carry a bushel of Golden Moutzes (plural) for anyone who watches one second of that ridiculous Harry and Meghan show on Netflix?

“CBS News for announcing that the Hunter Biden laptop is legitimate,” nominates Kenneth Erwin, “2 years after Trump told them it was a story that they should be pursuing. Nah!”

Wait. Isn’t CBS the same network that used fictional characters to accuse Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis of sexual assault? Yes. And only now CBS accepts the Hunter Biden Laptop from Hell as real?

If you ever take CBS News or the network seriously again, then you must indeed be a drooling chumbolone only fit for scrubbing latrines with your chin.

Just sayin’.

Not to mention all those sentimental barbarian haters of the Beautiful Game, with the beloved US Men’s National Team having made it past the group stage in the 2022 World Cup.

And what of those barbaric American NFL media personalities mocking Christian Pulisic for allegedly being pelvically crushed in the region of his “immortalities?”

“It was very painful. That [pelvic] bone is there for a reason to protect you; I hit it well,” Pulisic told reporters on Thursday according to the left-wing Guardian. “It was sore, but it’s getting better.” He added that he “didn’t get hit in the balls. I’m all right.”

Naysayers? Christian Pulisic haters? Blow on it. Nah!

John Engdahl nominated “Sam Bankman-Fried for inventing ‘Kleptocurrancy’ as a new leading method to fund Democrats. A new key element in Kleptoelections. Nah!”

Sam Bankman-Fried is out doing softball interviews. But neither he nor the Democrats he funded in the last election are answering tough questions from prosecutors. Why isn’t the corporate legacy media–which prides itself by telling us they ‘speak truth to power’ or that Democracy Dies in Darkness outraged at the Democrats taking the money?

Hmmm.

A reader nominated the People’s Republic of Evanston Mayor Daniel Biss.

“Something big is happening today,” announced Biss in his mayoral newsletter out Thursday.

Something big, Mayor Dan? Yeah, it’s big. Taking taxpayer money and buying votes is big.

Biss calls the vote-buying scam the Guaranteed Income Pilot Program, which is in addition to welfare and other federal programs and supported by Cook County Boss Toni Preckwinkle and Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot.  Voters aren’t really asked if they approve. This is the shut-up-and-take-it state, remember.

It’s always big when holier-than-thou Democrats reveal themselves to be no different than the hacks of Tammany Hall or the hacks of the old Chicago Machine. And Evanston taxpayers don’t dare object, lest angry socialists grab up all of their “Hate Has No Home Here” signs and begin beating the objectors.

Or what of that Chicago Police Department commander apparently seeking a promotion from Mayor Lori Lightfoot, or at least cozying up to her with the aid of Chicago radio personalities?

Cmdr. David Harris of the 1^st District was called out by CWB­ Chicago for claiming (to completely credulous WLS AM announcers) that that crime in his downtown district was down by some 40 percent.

But CWB said crime wasn’t down by 40 percent. Crime is up by 30 percent in the district. Harris’ wild claims were  “pure fantasy,” the crime-watch website reported.

“Every one of these claims is categorically and provably false,” said CWB

Uh-oh, WLS 890 AM radio.

Uh-oh Lori.

The brilliant Kathleen Sawicki mentioned a book we should read.

“The book ‘How to Lie with Statistics’ written by Darrell Huff in 1954 is as true today as when it was first published,”  Sawicki said. “It’s a small book,” she continued, “a quick read, that I was introduced to by a college prof in the ‘80s. It fascinated me from my first read. That this type of twisting, fabricating and simply lying still continues and is reinforced by media is a travesty. It’s the stuff of doublespeak, doublethink, and Newspeak of ‘1984’ rolled out for a new undereducated populous…but still dangerous.”

What about CNN’s Don Lemon claiming that CNN isn’t liberal? Isn’t that Moutza-worthy?

And I’m no theologian, but aren’t those British researchers going to hell? They’re saying Jesus Christ had the body of a transvestite. That’s worth eternities in hell hounded by demons. But those cruel and hateful comments about the Prince of Peace who loved mankind made some people cry when they heard them.

And these “researchers” should be glad that I’m not Pope or Patriarch, because I just might dip them in a vat of boiling oil for that one. Or better yet, let’s just wait for the flood, because I can’t help but feel that a cleansing flood is coming.

As I wait, I should probably nominate the notorious John Kass for the Golden Moutza of November.

He’s just been informed that he’ll need surgery on his right shoulder, after destroying his left shoulder.  It’s all his fault. He’ll never wear slip-ons walking stairs again, will he? But how can he cook standing rib roast for Christmas Dinner if he can’t lift a bag of charcoal.

And didn’t he write that column about that Red Wave that was coming in the mid-term elections? Yes he did.  To make things worse he put the Democrats in that sad red jester suit—in the clothes of the Polish Jester hero Stanczyk at the ball.

What would be the fun of whipping the poor Kass figure? His haters on Twitter think he deserves it. But the Western philosopher William Munny said this about deserves: “Deserves got nothing to do with it.”

“I nominate the United Soccer Federation which, just before the big match against Iran in the World Cup put on its website, a defaced version of the Iranian flag in violation of FIFA rules,” said George Nickas. “Can you think of a better way to inspire the Iran soccer team to beat the hell out of you? USSF—Nah! Feesah etho! (Blow on this) Na pas sto diavolo (Go to the Devil).”

The U.S. Soccer Federation put undue pressure on the men’s team. Why? Because they felt like it. The USSF also changed the colors of the U.S. Soccer badge from red, white and blue to rainbow colors, because they felt like it.

They’re pouty idiot children playing at foreign policy, but without a clue. They don’t care who they hurt. They don’t care what pain they cause the U.S.

But all politics are local, and I’m drawn to that bizarre performance on WLS by Chicago Police Cmdr. David Harris and Steve Cochran, the morning show guy at WLS.

Remember Don Wade? I knew him. I worked with him. City Hall would have been terrified to treat his listeners that way.

He’d have peeled City Hall for that cynical stunt, until the mayor came crawling with public apologies, while dragging Harris’ political head in a burlap bag.

And remember that Harris insisted on WLS that he’d lowered crime by 40 percent, though CWB Chicago said it wasn’t true.

So, in a city plagued by violent crime, the Chicago Police Department spins fantasy about lowering crime to appease the mayor who is also desperate to spin a fantasy about lowering crime. And corporate legacy media go along, avoiding the WLS Cmdr. Harris/Cochran fiasco. Why?

City Hall isn’t worried about getting caught manipulating the people, because corporate legacy media suffers from waning influence.

And the people of Chicago can’t trust the media to give them serious information about a critical issue. News and information are now subject to woke ideology and the cynical narratives of identity politics.

It’s all happening right before your eyes, in the city where Lightfoot’s inability to deal with violent crime is the issue and a once-great city circles the drain.

CWB Chicago chronicles the ridiculous drama:

“Absolutely,” Harris said on WLS, bragging about how he performed his miracle. “Yeah, I took over in June and since then, overall, crime is down 44 percent.”

“That’s huge,” WLS host Steve Cochran said.

“Wow” said the cohost.

Cmdr. Harris, that is huge. Because according to CWB Chicago, crime wasn’t down 44 percent. It was up.

So Harris? Please lift up your face to see what’s coming.

As WLS says, that’s huge.

Because I’ve got this thing, and it’s bleepin golden. And Harris? You win the Golden Moutza of the Month.

You might share it with WLS radio. But whatever you do, blow on it.

Nah!

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(Copyright 2022 John Kass)