The Way to Cook (Hot Dogs) Outside Without Freezing Your Behind Off

By John Kass

Aug 4, 2023

Try this experiment in space-time travel for free:

Just step outside, into your backyard, even though it’s hot and humid out there now in early August, and imagine yourself in the middle of February in the Upper Midwest.

Think of thick ice on Lake Michigan and your knees turning to jelly as your boots crunch on the snow. You’re alone out there.  The wind is full of threats. And that hard dry snow skittering across the ice tells you something as you cross a frozen river on a highway bridge.

It tells you to think of trying to build a fire and failing miserably like that idiot tenderfoot in the Jack London story who could not build a fire and was eventually ripped apart by hungry wolves.

But before you close your eyes for that Big Sleep with the wolves laughing silently in anticipation of meat to come–as is their way–think of the one thing that will save your life:

Grilled Chicago hot dogs on a steamy August afternoon.

And the sound of an ice cream truck rolling on the street outside. You can see the kids running, chasing the ice cream guy and; smell those grilled Chicago dogs done right, the Chicago Way.

Just think of patience and tolerance to those who don’t yet grasp the importance of properly grilled dogs. They may have grown up wild and feral. But you really don’t need a yardstick to thwack students who refuse to properly conjugate verbs involving grilling, because my John Kass School of Hot Dogs demands only kindness toward apprentices in the art of the hot dog–and no more perfect platform exists to deliver salts and fats to the human body to the angry shrieks of the cardiologists.

And no thwacking anyone, except for my adult cousins who allow ketchup.

Begin at the beginning with a good hot dog, either the South Side’s Daisy Brand  or North Side Vienna All Beef dogs and/or Polish Sausage. Skin on. Always skin on, or what is the point? A skinless hot dog is like a man without a spine. He will betray you and everything he says he loves.

There is no snap to the wretched fellow. And snap is what we want.

Now it’s time to score your hot dogs. First, take a sharp knife, like a pairing knife, and make tiny cuts diagonally into the hot dog. From left to right, and then back again to make a crisscross design. Or some other design and if you’re too timid to use a knife or just use a pair of scissors.

It really doesn’t matter, you’re not in art class. You’re not a cutter making a suit on Saville Row. You’re not at the Le Cordon Bleu in Paris. You’re preparing an American hot dog the Chicago Way. Get over yourself.

Once you’ve scored the dog on both sides, you might notice that you’ve cut too deep, and this could be a problem later. So, begin again with two wooden spoons, laid horizontally, one on either side of the hot dog to provide a cutting guide, so you don’t cut too deeply.

Set up a two Zone fire on the charcoal grill.

With Zone One with lit charcoals pushed to one side. Place the dog indirectly, on the edge of the heat, and close the lid completely. Indirect means not cooking directly over the hot coals. Get it?

Check periodically and use tongs to move the dog. In 5 minutes it should be ready, the scored edges plumping open like a flower made of meat.

Take a hot dog bun, preferably Rosen’s with poppy seeds, butter it with garlic butter (pressed garlic mixed with softened butter and a hoofta of finely chopped rosemary, or plain butter,) and toast that bun indirect heat. When is the hot dog ready? You’ll see that the scored parts of the dog are now plump and caramelized.

Exposing the fats and salts in the dog to the heat has transformed them. Slap the dog in the bun, with celery salt,  yellow mustard, four sport peppers and more celery salt. And piccalilli, also known as that sweet neon green relish made by Vienna Beef. Put a couple slices of ripe backyard grown tomato in there. Add a spear of dill pickle. And there you have it

Another method is to do the same thing–grilling indirect–then right when you’re done, and the hot dog is plump and demands to be eaten, put it in a toasted bun. Hit it promptly with mustard, celery salt, sport peppers, and a few tablespoons of spicy chili, add copious amounts of onions. There’s your chili dog.

The other way to do it is to not use a grill at all. Well, you might as well put a CS on your forehead for chicken bleep or wear one of those fuzzy pink hats men wear when they give up wanting to be a man and become eunuchs. But their sexual mores have nothing do do with it, and this method is guaranteed to make a perfect dog.

Score the dog as before then take a frying pan, and heat it over medium heat on your stovetop. Throw a couple tablespoons of butter and some olive oil into the pan to keep the butter from burning. Then take two large cloves of garlic, smash the cloves with the side of a kitchen knife and drop these into the hot pan, and add of several sprigs of thyme or of Rosemary. Move the garlic and herbs around the hot dog  and baste that dog with the flavored oil and garlic.

It too, will plump up along scored parts.

If you want to have steamed buns rather than toasted buns, just take a damp paper towel, wrap it around the hot dog bun put it in the microwave for 20 seconds. Voila Steamed Bun. Doesn’t everyone know this?

Or, you can do the steaming old school by taking the two wooden spoons that you used as a guide to score the dogs and instead place them on the top of a small pan of boiling water to steam the bun. Use the spoons as a  platform for the buns, and leave them there for 30 seconds. This will steam your buns.

You can do the same thing with Smoked Polish Kielbasa sausage. Smoked Polish is perfect for scoring on the backyard grill. But I wouldn’t try it with anything that is not cured.

You definitely would not do this technique with a fine artisanal sausage like The Italian sausage they make at Joseph’s Finest Meats. I would drive two hours from Northwest Indiana to Joseph’s for the sausage. Leave the casing alone! I’ll hear about it and I’ll find you.  You won’t like what happens.

You don’t ever want to subject these sausages to intense direct heat like a barbarian. Only a baking pan under constant low heat or medium heat, or indirect heat on a grill.  You don’t want to crank it up and split the skin. You want to treat your sausages with some delicacy. And dignity.

But an all beef hot dog isn’t all that sensitive. First of all, it’s already been cooked. I know that someone like me–who’s had open heart quadruple bypass surgery and a stroke–should stay away from hot dogs. I agree. But it’s summer dammit. One dog isn’t going to kill me, just like one good martini on the rocks with four habanero-garlic stuffed olives won’t kill me.

Being afraid of life and crawling like an insect along the baseboard of human existence will kill you.

And just when summer is about to gather her skirts and storm off with the winds of October, I think of all those who neglected learning to do and share the simple things like a proper hot dog. And later as you’re spitting watermelon seeds into the grass with the kids, you might thank me for this. And maybe you’ll make smores over the last of the charcoal and tell them stories, about where and how you played as a kid in the alleys of the old neighborhood.

Summer is going. It’s almost gone. You can tell by the back-to-school stuff at the stores. But before it goes, with one last flash of September until the October rains, promise me that treat your hot dogs with respect. Promise yourself that you’ll savor what’s left of the summer.

And that you’ll treat yourself with kindness.

-30-

 

Comments 56

    2. Thank you for a pleasant article that gives us a break from the ilk around us, to concentrate on one of my favorite topics. I’ll be sure to share with my cooking group!

      Well that’s a Kass extended family secret worth knowing! Ketchup? Ketchup on fries only, you cousins you, for shame. *My* cousins know this.

      My former employers back in the day (long, long, long ago) used Mary Ann buns. But it appears Mary Ann IS Rosen’s. Could be why there’s really no difference in tastes.

      Red Hot Chicago and Scott Peterson work equally well as Vienna. Not fond of Daisy dogs (beef dogs for me, please), but will certainly eat them over those outsiders, Nathan’s! Nathan’s are ghastly, dry, don’t see how they make any top lists unless it’s a bribe. Hebrew National will do in a pinch, as will Usinger’s, despite being originally from New York and Wisconsin. Oscar Meyer, Ball Park, Bar S- those are for massive groups of small children who can’t tell the difference. Adult palates deserve the best.

      Love the shirt! Where do we get one?

    3. We learned to score our dogs from your prior story, thanks Mr Kass, it really exploded their flavor! And now may I go ahead and reply for the Leftists who somehow will invoke the Trump name as they always do: “Trump puts ketchup on his hotdogs”, I do also! Let’s go Brandon!

    6. Scoring and carmelizing, the only way! If you’ve never cooked a dog or Polish sausage like this try it. Makes a world of difference in flavor.

  2. I have a hot dog about once every three years but I’m going to use your suggestions for other similarly shaped meals. I appreciate the idea about steaming buns as well.

  3. Great picture John! You are quite the salesman. Guess who’s having grilled hot dogs this weekend?
    I also remember those steam cart vendors around 18th and Paulina and in many Chicago parks. Those also were great dogs, Vienna!

  4. OMG, John! There is nothing as good as a great Chicago style hotdog! I’ve seen your method before, and I swear I still need to try it. After reading your column this morning, I am ready to have one for breakfast! Sounds outstanding!

  5. OMG, John! There is nothing as good as a great Chicago style hotdog! I’ve seen your method before, and I swear I still need to try it. After reading your column this morning, I am ready to have one for breakfast! Sounds outstanding! Take care of yourself!

  6. Okay John, here it is 0630 and I have just read your column…..mouth watering and now I must arise from my laptop and search my refrigerator for HOT DOGS!!
    Thank you kind sir….I must say that your picture, with the hot dogs on display, is terrific and good to see your face!
    Yes, I shall print this column and definitely put it in my recipe file in my kitchen and make a digital file copy….I know, TMI..
    God bless you John Kass….keep on keeping on.
    Tom Adams

  7. The best way to wake up. Tales of the great Chicago hot dog. A good segue into the weekend. Nothing, that’s nothing, compares to a well prepared Chicago Hot Dog or Polish sausage. Far too many people have never experienced this phood phenomenon.
    Glad to read your sense of humor is healthy. The shirt is great —- marketing?

  8. The best way to eat a Chicago Dog is in a backyard in NW Indiana, far enough away so you can’t smell the stench of the corruption from City Hall back in that hellhole. Before I moved to GR I lived in Dyer for a year and a half and I stopped smelling the stench as soon as my real restate taxes dropped 75%.

  9. It is good that you have revealed these things to us! I have for too long been enthralled by steam. Let the heat meet the meat!

    Lo, these truths begin with this – ” A skinless hot dog is like a man without a spine. He will betray you and everything he says he loves.

    There is no snap to the wretched fellow. And snap is what we want.”

    A skinless dog is an abomination!

    Light the fires! And feast like a champion!

  11. Glad to see you’re doing better! You look great in the beard and mustache. I will definitely try your method of cooking a Chicago style hotdog (is there any other kind?) And thanks for the steaming the bun tip. Have a great weekend! And thanks for a column that can take our minds off of politics today.

  12. John,
    One might not kill you but 3 Hot dogs? Who ok’d your current diet? The nurses and doctors from Northwestern Memorial Hospital and staff at Shirley Ryan Ability Lab might be feeling a bit let down right about now. Hot dogs are full of sodium, cholesterol, and fat all of which contribute to your cardiovascular disease. I get the love of the dog but not after all you have been through! Your like a lung cancer patient that says one more cigarette won’t kill me! That one hot dog might close up some other artery in your body! Sorry, I like reading your articles all the time, but not a good message today! Just a suggestion, roll up some tofu in the shape of a hot dog and grilled it and as you eat it imagine all the things you wrote about hot dogs today. I hear your heart saying thank you!

    1. I am a license physician since 1975. My specialty is pathology. I ve done hundreds if not thousands of autopsies. The theory that there are bad foods is BS. Our bodies REGULATE electrolytes like Na. If you take too much we excrete it. It is briefly harmful if you ALREADY HAVE HEART DISEASE BUT IT DOESNT CAUSE HEART DISEASE. Chostereol in and of itself is NOT BAD. YOU NEED IT! Your brain is made of cholesterol! Some people don’t metabolize it properly early in life so they have deposits. But if we reach old age we all have it. Reducing its intake doesn’t guarantee you won’t have it in your blood vessels.
      When I grew up in my first 5 years in my grandparents bar while my parents went to work I remember what we ate: beef and pork roasts, ribs, kielbasa, rabbit, chicken, pierogi fried in butter, Hunters Stew, cabbage rolls, and usual sauerkraut, veggies, etc. BU THE FOOD WAS FRESH, NO PRESERVATIVES. They shopped everyday for it. The fruit and veggies were never canned or frozen. We went to market and picked out the chicken/duck. I still hear the thwack as butcher chopped the head off and pluckedcthe feathers.
      More importantly, the animals diet was what they were suppose to eat. Cattle and pigs are now feed corn, to fatten them faster, when in fact it should be grass. Did you know grass fed beef when eaten LOWERS YOUR CHOLESTEROL, PROVING YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. This was proven by Bill Kurt’s who raises beef this way.
      The anti meat Nazis don’t know what they are talking about. EVERY VEGAN I HAVE KNOWN DIED! OF CANCER, HEART DISEASE, PARKINSONS, ALS, ETC. WHY DIDNT THEIR DIET SAVE THEM? BECAUSE WE ARE SUPPOSE TO DIE, DUMMY. WHAT IS THE REAL KILLER OF HUMANS: SMOKING AND ALCOHOL! There is nothing beneficial of those 2 agents of death. And don’t tell me wine is good for for antioxidants. BS Eat the grapes before the fermentation, idiot.
      So John EAT THOSE DAMN DOGS. THERE GOOD. BUT GET SOME REAL BUNS, FOR GOD SAKE

  14. Great column. I love your political stuff, but your non-political stuff like this rounds out the complete package. Will do this in Arizona this winter when the craving for a Chicago dog hits!

    1. Love me a good grilled, snappy dog & your scoring method rules the roost! I’m a bit of a purist, though: mustard + sport peppers & I’m a happy girl – but total respect to those who can dive into a full-blown Chicago-style dog! Our favorite dogs come from Lange’s in Michigan City. Thanks for a fun column, John! 💖

  16. Chicago style dogs are the best! I’m trying the “butter it with garlic butter (pressed garlic mixed with softened butter and a hoofta of finely chopped rosemary” the next time.

    And having to be careful myself due to hypertension, I limit myself to culinary indulgence (or two) a week, and couldn’t agree more with “Being afraid of life and crawling like an insect along the baseboard of human existence will kill you.”

  17. John Bravo!, I know what I am having for lunch today! Nothing better than a grilled chicago style hot dog or polish. Love the picture with you real dog looking to get one of those. You look well and glad to see you back in the action.

  19. Yiannaki – good to have you back, and in charge once again! And I agree, any taboo foods, taking in moderation, won’t kill you. We Greeks have an expression for it – Pan Metron Ariston! Everything in moderation, including martinis! You’ll be glad to know that two nights ago, my son and grandkids were over for a steak dinner that I prepared on our grill (gas, cause we’re in a condo) and then the kids wanted smores. Son had gifted me a mini Solo stove, complete with wood, for Dad’s day, so we fired it up, literally, and even though it was still 84 humid degrees at 9pm on our terrace, we toasted the marshmellows and enjoyed our dessert! I know we’ll be doing it again when the temps drop to the teens, now that we have this fantastic little bonfire maker! As long as there’s no snow on the terrace, I’m out there grilling and cooking, cause hey, we gotta eat. Stay well, and remember – Pan Metron Ariston!

  20. John, it’s so great to see you healthy and writing again. Really loved your column today. I agree with you wholeheartedly. If you can’t enjoy an occasional hotdog or cold bee, martini or whatever brings you enjoyment we may as well be in the ground. Everything within reason as I’m sure the doctors have stressed to you.
    You’re looking great, continued success on your improving health. So nice to see you butting heads again. There’s the John we love and admire.

    1. Hi John: Really glad to see you back. You were right about the importance of buying a good hotdog. I grew in the south suburbs-South Holland and all we had were those Oscar Mayer taste less hot dogs. As a kid, I never really liked hot dogs until I finished school and moved to Downers Grove. This was where I discovered a Vienna hot dog “Chicago Style-no catsup”. I have loved hotdogs ever since. If you don’t believe it, just ask my cardiologist 😀. Also, no I don’t work for Vienna.

      Tom M

  23. What I don’t understand is this use of store bought package buns like Rosen. They and other packaged buns are not real. There ERZATZ BUNS. Fake bun/bread. Tasteless POS. Soul less bread, if indeed it is bread. More like a chemistry experiment. Read the ingredients. Phoney bread! Must go to Kaufmans bakery, or NY Bialy and bagel or any OTHER REAL JEWISH BAKERY AND BUY ‘THE FRENCH ONION ROLL’ that’s shaped like a hot dog bun. Now put da meat in it and you’ve died and gone to hot dog heaven. Why we perpetuate the crap packaged poppyseed roll is beyond me. Get real. Get real bread/bun.

  24. Ahh the beloved Vienna Chicago dog. After my cardio adventure 15 odd years ago I got permission to have one hot dog a month. How I look forward to that. Live mid TN now so although a few joints here say they have Chicago dogs have not bothered to check out. Wait fir a trip home for Portillos or a Vienna stand. Hey Jackass for the shirt, right?
    Obviously you have lost weight but the chin hair looks good.
    Glad you are back. Gotta keep both Brandons on their toes.

  25. John, you look well. Cheers to you and your health.

    “Piccalilli”- such a simple word to evoke such fond memories. In a family of 13, on a school teacher’s salary, hot dogs were an economical delicacy. One of my last meals with my father was a Junior’s Chicago dog. I think the linguaphile in my dad would appreciate me saying that he truly relished the piccalilli (and all the fixin’s) on that Chicago dog (and the many that preceded it.)
    Thank you for reminding me again, that I need to treasure such memories as they are all we are left with.

  26. Oh, Kass…. Thanks so much for the laugh, the SNAP, and the memories of good hot dogs.

    And if anyone says “Pass the ketchup,” they’re going to be nominated for the Golden Moutza.

  28. Reading this made my mouth water! Fortunately, having given up on Chicago and having moved to coastal South Carolina, Winter is no longer the grilling deterrent it used to be. Also, I can still get all the right necessities for a real Chicago hot dog! It is unfortunate however when I need to slap the uninitiated Southerner who tries to put ketchup on a hot dog!

  29. I shouldn’t have read this right before lunch because my chicken wrap is no longer appetizing. My pet peeve is steamed hot dogs! There ought to be a law against them! Great shirt!

  30. Great article and I’ve been using your hot dog method since last year’s article, but did you really have to put it up on a Friday with thunderstorms rolling through all day! Now I’ll need to wait until tomorrow. I miss Chicago dogs [sans tomatoes – it’s as heretical as catsup] and I get an order of ViennaBbeefs package deal every spring with my bts order.
    I’m curious though, have you ever tasted a Newark-style Italian hot dog? Whenever I visited my Chicago relatives I was obliged to bring a few pizza breads as well as Taylor ham so they could have one.
    PS add Sabretts Hot Dogs to the list!

  31. Glad to see you are doing better. My wife and I love a good hot dog cooked on the grill. I like the idea of scoring the dog as you suggest, but I have always used a different approach which seems to work well. I take a fork and pierce the dog all the way through 7 or 8 times from one end to the other. Is this an acceptable alternative method in your opinion ??

    1. Hi John: Really glad to see you back. You were right about the importance of buying a good hotdog. I grew in the south suburbs-South Holland and all we had were those Oscar Mayer taste less hot dogs. As a kid, I never really liked hot dogs until I finished school and moved to Downers Grove. This was where I discovered a Vienna hot dog “Chicago Style-no catsup”. I have loved hotdogs ever since. If you don’t believe it, just ask my cardiologist 😀. Also, no I don’t work for Vienna.

      Tom M

    1. There are MULTIPLE commenters here who have posted in excess of one comment John, why are you obsessed with mine? If my opposing POVs offend you that much then block me, and you can bask in the glow of constant adoration here in the echo chamber without fear of being challenged. Oh, and if there was a way to edit comments once posted, I’m sure allot of us would tack on our comments on a single thread..

    2. Why do you allow confirmed identity thief, Tony Cesare, (a.k.a. Riga- Tony) to continue to post under an alias? He’s a criminal! Here is all the proof you need:
      https://www.gardendesignquickstartguide.com/2022/09/come-for-our-durp-burger.html
      That was a whopper. It’s a really “Big Lie,” Hitler style. And we caught him red handed.
      Tony Cesare (a.k.a. Riga- Tony) posted a libelous review of my garden design book on Amazon. He probably never read it. I finally got that removed and him blocked. But it took an entire year!
      It was easy to block him from my YouTube channel.
      Please…just do it. You have said many times already that you would. Are you Lucy with the football?

  38. I’m deeply disappointed in this article. John has failed to address one of the most important considerations in preparing a first rate hot dog, and that’s the type of mustard. A properly grilled dog is underdressed if not accompanied by dark yellow mustard. French’s yellow mustard is acceptable, but basically for beginners.

  39. I had a quadruple in February, so my way of thinking is hey, I’m 77 years old & have a brand new heart setup. I can start over. Bring on the Chicago dogs, Polish & Italian. Probably won’t make another 77 years so enjoy the time I’ve got left. Only problem is that I’m in Florida now & the right ingredients are tough to find. There is a Portillo’s not too far away, but at home I’m on my own. Anyway, damn fine article, John!

  40. 1. Your cousin putting ketchup on a hot dog is sacrilege. That’s up there with Mitt Romney’s stupid National Hot Dog Day video. 2. Piccalilli no matter the color is disgusting. Stick with the pickle or mere cucumber. 3. For sure celery salt, tomatoes, and sport peppers. 4. Gonna try the garlic buns. Sounds delish! 5. Riga Tony is a pain in the arse (PITA). He has to be lib because he’s never happy.

    Thanks for the tips. Glad you’re mending well.

  42. John,

    I just read this column written on the day I had my stroke. Now I’m ordered by doctors and my family to cut out the simple pleasure of Chicago dogs and Maxwell Street Polish Sausages. Thank you for your blessing for me to enjoy one of each this weekend!

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