By John Kass

Wednesday Oct. 16, 2024

The other day I posted this old billboard photo of your favorite handsome devil-may-care columnist on social media.

Because I’m thinking about using it again in newspaper ads for johnkassnews.com as part of an upcoming subscription drive, and I wanted advice from readers.

After I left “the paper” the ad was on billboards on Chicago area expressways. It was a photo by Jeff Carlin of me during a recording of our podcast, The Chicago Way. And it asked a question of every Chicago parakeet that has been sentenced to boring, stale, preciously woke and unreadable papers:

“Miss Me?”

I put this on the social media post with the billboard photo:

“Chicago’s newspapers are hopelessly leftist, catering to the sentimental barbarians who’ll destroy what remains. So to help my former state of Illinois, I’m thinking about taking out this ad in the Chicago Tribune and Sun Times for a https://johnkassnews.com subscription drive. Subscribe today for a good cup of Midwestern common sense…Your thoughts?”

That’s direct and straight forward, no?

My wife and kids don’t like the old photo because it was a pix of the old fat me. I needed a haircut and it looked as if I’d just let the old man in. But I’ve dropped 65 pounds since then, and though I’m thinner, I don’t saunter around like a swimwear model.

I’m not a sexy beast. I’m just a columnist who misses his pasta and beer.

“You’re saving journalism in this state,” wrote Paulie C. “Keep it up!”

I will, thanks Paulie. But I plan on saving journalism safely from my home in the beautiful (and low-crime low-tax) green acres of Indiana.

“I love it!” wrote Anita Padilla TV.

“I’d rather have you here ‘unbridled and untamed!’” said Venetta Carroll.

I’m not some horse. And I’m bow-legged and pushing a dignified 70 now. But I refuse to let the old man in.

“LOVE it,” posted Laura Weber. “Would love to know what a full page costs these days!”

Me, too, Laura.

And I just might find out.

Contributors Michael Ledwith and Erin Geary loved the idea.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” wrote Geary.

But another contributor—and creator of the stupendous “Spicy Shrimp and Grits”—urged caution.

“Negotiate the cost,” said James Banakis.

Bob McCarthy responded thusly: “A patriot would give it away.”

Not this patriot.

“That would be awesome,” posted Steve P. “They need to be reminded of How STUPIDITY KILLS A ONCE GREAT NEWSPAPER.”

Jill Toussaint said the idea was “Brilliant. I don’t read either (Trib or Sun Times). Will subscribe to you NOW.”

I await your subscription payment madame. Welcome to johnkassnews.com.

It costs only $5 a month, or $50 a year (discounted)—not to mention all the cool merch for subscribers like “No Chumbolone” Zone ball caps, the Chicago Way coffee mugs, or the new Golden Moutza mugs and tee-shirts.

Remember the words of the great yet treacherous Italian philosopher Don Emilio Barzini said that I certainly may present a bill for subscriptions.

“After all, we are not Communists.”

My Facebook friend Rich 01 says “I send your columns to my friends and family, and they love them. Then I tell them to subscribe. I will keep on them because you write truth and common sense. Even my birds are complaining about the reduced size of “the paper” since your departure.”

Tom Svoboda:

“Don’t stop there we need you in the suburbs. @dailyherald.”

Thanks Tom Svoboda, but I’ve got enough work to do here. I’ve taken deep breaths of the wind of freedom, and like my girl Kamala keeps saying in her many accents, I’m not going back.

I miss them days, sir!” said Ricardo Santana. “Getting the Tribune delivered at my doorstep and reading your columns.

“Stopped reading the Tribune almost a decade ago when I let our subscription lapse,” wrote Jim Plaxco. “I just felt that it had lost its value. By coincidence, ours had been the last driveway on our street with any sort of newspaper on it in the morning. I do like your website John, but I must say that online news is incredibly competitive and it’s pretty hard to get noticed. I do wish you success.”

“I gave up on the Trib when you left it,” writes Chuck Hvala. “Nonsense spending money for the local bird cage liner. Col. McCormick is probably rolling over in his grave.”

“Do it!” says Thomas Stechmiller. “They can’t refuse you. They need the money!”

Bonnie Spurlock loves me taking out ads in the Trib and Sun Times.

“I think great marketing! An ad in Crains wouldn’t be bad either,” she said. “Their audience is mixed and may like to know about. Probably a quarter page plenty of space.

“I wouldn’t worry about money as much as placement. Make sure right-hand side maybe in Editorial section.”

From Karen Sherman Bushy:

“Doubt it is worth the money. Saw the Sunday Tribune at the store last week. What a pathetic little nothing!!! The Sunday Tribune used to be a tour de force of the first order! Why would you give them your money, after what they did to you? If the “management” would see it (assuming they look at their own paper!), they would interpret the ad as an admission that you “obviously NEED the Tribune to be a success!” I wouldn’t personally even acknowledge their continued existence, much less the idea of giving them so much as a dime.”

“I think it’s a terrific idea!” writes Christine Morley. “It’s sad what has happened to our newspapers. The Woke virus infected all of them. My Sunday mornings aren’t the same without 4 Chicago papers laying around. A Sunday tradition ruined by the woke.”

“Go for it!!!” insists Eva Economy.

“If they even allow you to buy ad space,” writes Tony Vass.

Hmm.

The papers have become so completely woke, they’ve lost their readers and are giving the papers away now.

Sports fan Danny Carlino gave me a yellow card for my marketing idea.

“Nobody reads it (Trib), and they don’t deserve the money.”

But as the old gunfighter William Munny once said, deserves got nothing to do with it.

It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s strictly business.

We’ll see what happens.

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About the author: John Kass spent decades as a political writer and news columnist in Chicago working at a major metropolitan newspaper. He is co-host of The Chicago Way podcast. And he just loves his “No Chumbolone” hat, because johnkassnews.com is a “No Chumbolone” Zone where you can always get a cup of common sense.